61 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
61 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #448 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "What I Did During My Winter Break" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Girl From Mars !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/18/99 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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Winter break is generally a much-anticipated time in the life of
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a college student. Finals are over, and it's time to vegetate! Winter
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break is a time to see all your old friends from high school as well,
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and talk about old times. It's a time to do all the stuff you couldn't
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get done during school, and maybe even get a job to make some money for
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when you go back. Well, my winter break was like nothing i've ever
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experienced. Of course, I did my share of vegetation (rarely) and
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catching up with old friends (before they went on lovely trips to warm
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places without me,) but I did one thing for the majority of my winter
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break. You want to know what I did? Huh? You wanna know? All right,
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here's what I did... FUCKIN' DISHES!!!
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In my temporary home (long story,) there is a dishwasher, but we
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use it to STORE our dishes, not wash them. Every morning, I awoke to
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a sinkful of dishes, used for that morning's breakfast and thoughtfully
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left for my washing pleasure. Most of the time, my parents and brother
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had inexplicably gotten who-knows-what stuck to the dishes and of COURSE
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they don't believe in soaking. How in the hell do you get whatever
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you're making on the outside of the pot? I spent 20 minutes today
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scraping hot cereal off the outside of a pot, and it motivated me to
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write this. As I scraped and scraped, I started to have flashbacks to
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a past life, past life as a serving wench in a medieval English
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ale-house. I know my past life as a skivvy has supplied me with mad
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diswashin' skillz, but why do I have to do it all the time? I know I'm
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just being a whiny bitch, but it's ridiculous!
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Do you know what washing dishes all day does to your hands? I
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was a little disgruntled when one of my fingers got so dry it fell off,
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but I kept on truckin' because I knew if I stopped the dishes would
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just pile up like mad and I'd get in trouble. When the second finger
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fell off, I complained, but my parents told me that losing fingers
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doing dishes builds character. Always searching to build character, I
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spent some more days a-washing.
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After a while, I realized that there was a simple solution to my
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digit-loss problem. I set to washing my dishes that day, and I got
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really into it, pulling my sleeves up all the way and getting soaked up
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to my shoulders. My arms got so dry from the soap and hot water that
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they suffered the same fate as my fingers. Armless, I awaited the
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evening. When night came, I popped my microwaveable pillow in the
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microwave for longer than the recommended time. As I slept that night,
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my microwaveable pillow resting on my chest, all its stored radiation
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worked its magic. The next morning, when I woke up, I had two arms
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again! Fuckin' brilliant!
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Well, that's what I did on my winter break. Jealous?
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #448, WRITTEN BY GIRL FROM MARS, 1/18/99 !!
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