58 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
58 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
|
|
##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
|
|
##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #429 !!
|
|
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
|
|
##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
|
|
##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "An Agnostic Tourettic Obsessive !!
|
|
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: Compulsive -- He Also Likes Bunnies" !!
|
|
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: by -> Soybean 1/13/99 !!
|
|
!!========================================================================!!
|
|
|
|
Touch the knob seven times. (touch, touch, touch, touch, touch,
|
|
touch touch.) Take five steps into the bathroom across the hall, with
|
|
my toe stopping exactly at the metal rim separating the carpet from the
|
|
vinyl bathroom floor. (step, step, step, step, step. oops.) I'm not
|
|
sure there's a God. One inch too far. Return, try again: (step, step,
|
|
step, step step.) Okay. Turn shower knob to 110 degree angle, let the
|
|
water run for twenty seconds, remove clothing. (shirt, pants,
|
|
underwear, right sock, left sock.) Why, God? Rid eyes of sleep-crap,
|
|
scratch each buttcheek where it meets its corresponding hamstring, scrub
|
|
shoulders. No bunnies in the shower. I tried that once already.
|
|
Bunnies don't like rough, hot, pounding sprays, it seems. I like those
|
|
sprays, but I like my bunnies so much more. I don't scream "BITCH"
|
|
involuntarily at my bunnies as I do to my mom and Jenna-who-sits-behind-
|
|
-me-in-Ceramics. My bunnies are soothing and rid me of my physical
|
|
compulsions. Other people have compulsions, God... Jenny has to go to
|
|
the mall every Thursday or she really is a bitch on Friday. No one
|
|
shrieks or contorts their face when Jenny goes shopping, though. That's
|
|
what people do when I try to lick their nose or their dog's nose seven
|
|
times, or when I try to count their fingers. There can't be a God who
|
|
allows such things to go on. Only something so full of pure glory as
|
|
God could supply me with bunnies to sooth my nervous pain. Maybe I
|
|
should have listened in bible study more when I was younger, but it was
|
|
so much more interesting to bite each corner of the cover of my Bible.
|
|
I thought about being religious until my teacher reprimanded me for
|
|
trying to count the priest's five five five five five fingers during
|
|
mass, during Eucharist, during the Distribution of the Holy Crackers.
|
|
("LET'S GET FUNKY.") (clean.) (dry face, dry shoulders, dry arms, dry
|
|
legs, dry back, dry chest.) I like Jenna. (brush teeth.) Dress:
|
|
(underwear, pants, shirt, left sock, right sock.) Time to take the five
|
|
steps back to my bedroom, cuddle my bunnies and try to take comfort with
|
|
me. (step, step, step, step, step.) My favorite bunny is named
|
|
Napoleon, though he is not a French military expert, or even a French
|
|
bunny, or even a bunny military expect. He is named after the bakery
|
|
downtown that has pumpernickel bread that is a lovely shape and that is
|
|
a color that is reminiscent of Napoleon-the-Bunny's ears. No
|
|
breakfast; breakfast gives me gas. Get in the car, check to see that
|
|
all windows are tightly closed, start car, back out of driveway, and
|
|
accelerate to 32 mph until we come to the green house with the trolls in
|
|
the yard, five houses down. At that point, release gas and coast to a
|
|
slow and comfortable and natural stop at the neighborhood gate, leading
|
|
onto Landrie St., which leads almost directly to my school, it being
|
|
Landrie Senior High School, Landrie being someone who gave someone a
|
|
large sum of money. Or so goes my explanation.
|
|
|
|
!!========================================================================!!
|
|
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #429, WRITTEN BY: SOYBEAN - 1/13/99 !!
|