126 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
126 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #378 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "My Brother's Pockets" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Phairgirl !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/25/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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My brother is a fucking weirdo.
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Travis is known at high school for being "the kid everyone
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wants to beat up". He has long blonde hair, wears mostly tie-dye and
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flannels, and your ordinary, average big-leg jeans, and a gigantic
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jingle-bell that dangles from his shoes and jangles VERY LOUDLY as he
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walks.
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All he's doing is carrying on the family tradition. Everytime
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I look at my brother, I see reflections of my own high school years,
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when I would wander around with my pink plastic Animaniacs backpack,
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with all of my friends making a train down the hallway to British Lit.
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I remember walking Monkees-style down the hall, blocking all traffic,
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singing the Sesame Street theme song at maximum volume.
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But this story is not about me.
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Travis was trying to do his homework (trying is the key word),
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and I kept interrupting him as I read various t-files I had downloaded
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from all these people who urged "READ MY 'ZINE!!!" As I approached the
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end of Grill #1, I discovered that maybe my brother wasn't so different
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after all. In fact, in a parallel universe (okay, maybe just in
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Illinois), SOMEONE ELSE collected bizarre things. And oddly enough, HE
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HAD FOUND SOME OF THE SAME ITEMS (including pictures of unknown people
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kissing and foreign candy bar wrappers. Go figure).
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You're free, Travis. You're not the only fucking weirdo out
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there.
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*** This is what my brother carries around in his pockets as
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of December 17, 1998. ***
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-- Mint Waxed Dental Floss container (complete with floss)
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-- One of those tiny keyboard light covers that reads "Caps Lock",
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"Number Lock", and "Scroll Lock"
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-- A chunk of a ninth grade Algebra I chair
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-- A wooden block used in the science project "Birth And Death"
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-- Three different brands of Wet Naps
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-- A Band-Aid holder (complete with Band-Aids) from a hotel in New
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Hampshire
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-- Jumbo Size Eraser
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-- Fake Brazilian Power Crystal
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-- A rabbit's foot (that smells rather badly)
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-- Two miniature red bowling pins
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-- Three magnets
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-- Half of the clip from the top of a clipboard
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-- A coin from Seychelles which, on the back, reads "Grow More Food."
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Yes, this is legal tender in Seychelles.
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-- One severely high-inducing permanent marker
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-- One purple glove
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-- The leg from a Lego-Man
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-- Mini Etch-A-Sketch
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-- Damien, the snake from the WWF Jake The Snake Roberts wrestling figure
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-- Clear marble
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-- Coffee-colored marble
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-- The second SuperBall he ever got
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-- Gold pocketwatch
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-- Mike Tyson's cousin: The Bluest Man on the Planet (a little blue
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stick-figure man from a refrigerator magnet)
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-- A screw with nuts
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-- Small red eraser
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-- Stick-Person Nudie Deck (made from an ordinary deck of miniature
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playing cards, artwork by yours truly)
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-- An ankh earring he stole from ME
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-- A silver ringy thingy
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-- A fairy from a necklace of mine that is broken
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-- Chunk of a hot-glue stick
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-- Inserts for the Bedazzler
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-- Two blue beads that don't match
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-- Pocketknife from a hospital
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-- Bingo chip from seventh grade
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-- Pocket calculator
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-- "Quest For Camelot" Go-Fish Game from Wendy's
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-- Q-Tips in a Q-Tip case
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-- One Pringles lid (he has approximately 30 in his room)
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-- Three combs
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-- His last report card
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-- A hall pass to go to the Computer Center from eighth grade
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-- Purple cricket (that makes real purple cricket sounds!), a Mulan toy
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from McDonald's
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-- 20 Propranolol pills (for his heart condition)
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-- Glow-in-the-dark Duncan yo-yo
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-- A frog paperweight (he says you can hide your coke inside)
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-- A clicky pen that has a delayed reaction to clicking it
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-- A silver chain long enough to jump-rope with
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-- Carmex (in a tube, not in a jar)
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-- A small bottle of Purell
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-- Broken Scooby Doo flip-book from Wendy's
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-- Little Red Riding Hood Little Little Golden Book (This Little Little
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Golden Book Belongs To: Gary Coleman)
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-- The Tawny Scrawny Lion Little Little Golden Book (also property of
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Mr. Coleman)
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-- A card from the game Slap Jack, named Forgetful Fred, completely
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mutilated because he hates a kid named Fred
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-- Two packages of gauze
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-- Business card from Turtle Bob's Gifts
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-- Description of "Gothic Guardians", aka gargoyles
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-- "How To Use A Porta-Potty" instruction manual
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-- Order forms for Tony's Pizza Service
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-- German Coca-Cola Ad
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-- Magic: The Gathering card, "Giant Growth" in one of those hard
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plastic cases
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-- "Welcome to THC.com" ad, given to him from my old roommate Rich, the
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biggest pothead you'd ever see
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-- A "Got WaxTrax?" ad from my Sneaker Pimps CD
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-- A sheet of Conan O'Brien quotes
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-- The Eternally Happy Wallet that's being stomped on by a buffalo and
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attacked by Mothra while two Irish cops look the other way, while a
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Smiley Face that's perfect (has a star) smiles blissfully just
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watching the whole thing. And it's all padlocked shut.
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #378 - WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 12/25/98 !!
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