119 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
119 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #375 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Unsatisfactory Behavior" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Cap'n Sparky !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/22/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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Recently, I've come to the conclusion that I don't really like
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people. I really don't like most of the people in my age group. Now,
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you're probably reading this and snickering, thinking "Great! He's
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gonna rant about all the preppy kids and the jock kids of the world!
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He's gonna rant about all the people who don't watch anime, or listen to
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the kind of music I listen to or etc..."
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Nope, I'm afraid you're reading the wrong text file. No, those
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people already get enough bad press. Most of them don't even deserve
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it. In fact, once you're out of high school, or you're not in a college
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that's filled with those folks you don't really have to deal with them.
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Some of them are even <*gasp*> pretty nice people.
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No, I'm going to talk about the other assholes of the world. The
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ones who annoy me more because I run into them more often in my daily
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life. I hate dealing with morons as much as the next guy. The only
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problem is that there are more idiots out there than we'd like to
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believe exist.
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Case study #1: The bookworm. This type of moron reads quite a
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bit, maybe William S. Burroughs, maybe Jung, whoever. It doesn't matter.
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They read, and they think that just because they like reading they are
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more interesting than people who don't like reading. They like to
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believe that they are cool and really rather interesting because they
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read. They think that the world should bow down and worship them because
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they read books.
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Who cares? If you can hold an interesting conversation about what
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you read, that's cool. If reading helped to open your mind, and you
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learned something interesting that's also cool. However, most bookworms
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think that they are automatically smart because they're literate. That's
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not the case. I have dealt with a number of people who don't read, or
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don't read very much who are far smarter, far more interesting, and far
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cooler than the average bookworm. First of all, don't get so stuck up
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that you think that reading is an excuse to be an asshole. It's not.
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Just because someone doesn't read doesn't mean that they're stupid or
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not as good as you.
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Most people who read are dull and stuck up. Don't be dull and
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stuck up. I advocate burning all the books and lynching the librarians
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(and the libertarians too, but that's another rant for another day).
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Perhaps you don't need to have such extreme views. Just realize that
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being literate doesn't make you better than anyone else.
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Case study #2: The underground hepcat. We all know someone like
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this. Many of you out there are probably one of these bastards. Most of
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these people rightly deserved all of the teasing they got (or still get)
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in high school. The underground hepcat likes one (or more) types of
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media that aren't in the mainstream. They think that this makes them
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better than everyone else. I hate to say it, but that's just isn't the
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case. I don't care if you listen to Marilyn Manson or you were into
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NiN "before anybody". I could give two shits if you like anime or
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Chinese action flicks. If you're an asshole who liked John Woo "before
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he was big," you're still just a frigging asshole. You know who you are.
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Go shoot yourself now.
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As an example, I would probably wipe my ass with most manga just
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as soon as read it. That's my opinion. It doesn't make me cooler than
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someone that likes manga. I just don't like manga. I'm of that opinion.
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I don't like most anime either, usually it's badly dubbed, poorly
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animated and horribly written, just because it comes from another
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country doesn't mean that it's good. Again, this is my opinion. It
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doesn't make me wonderful, and that fact alone doesn't mean I'm an
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asshole.
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Don't get me wrong, different types of media are cool. They
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create a common denominator for a group of people. However, I've met
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plenty of idiots who like the bands I like, or who love the movies I
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like. I don't think that they're cool because they like the same thing
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I do. This is something that many of you out there are going to have to
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come to grips with. A good friend of mine really enjoys modern country
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music. I'll never understand why, it makes no sense to me, and I
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despise modern country. He's still a good friend and a great person.
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He's also funny and smart. Another friend of mine listens to Oasis. To
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say that I don't like Oasis would be a kind understatement. I didn't
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really like the Beatles the first time around, let alone a cheap
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knockoff. Nonetheless, he's been my friend for... shit, 18 years or
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so now. He doesn't love everything I love, and I don't love everything
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he loves. Yet he's still my best friend. I've never had a girlfriend
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who liked the same music, literature, or movies that I did. Guess what,
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some of them were really pretty wonderful people.
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So, to sum up my point: If you're a moron, you're a moron. I
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could care less if you can recite "Macbeth" backwards and forwards, or
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if you were really into Skinny Puppy or the Chemical Brothers long
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before I was. I don't care how high your IQ is, and your sexual
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orientation doesn't make you really ultra-cool. I could really care
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less if you know the names of every character in the entire print
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version of the "Akira" saga. I could care less if you loved Chow Yun
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Fat before he was "cool." I don't care how many Argento movies you can
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recite in your sleep. If you're an asshole, you're still an asshole.
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Just because you were picked on in high school for looking like a freak,
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or being a stuck up jerkoff doesn't give you the right to take it out on
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anybody who doesn't match your standards. Most likely, you're just like
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the people that you hate. If you're that kind of person, I'm glad you
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got tormented in high school.
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I'm sure some of you think I'm an asshole at this point.
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Personally, I'd love it if every reader did. Some of you will also have
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missed my point. I don't really care. If you think that you're
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wonderful, or that everyone else sucks because they don't like to get
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their jollies watching cartoons about young girls in sailor suits
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fighting evil... well, you can suck my hairy ass. You're most likely a
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chucklehead. My world will turn without you.
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #375, WRITTEN BY: CAP'N SPARKY, 12/22/98 !!
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