77 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
77 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #368 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "A Life More Ordinary" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Girl From Mars !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/22/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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We all lead secret lives. We have things that we do when we are
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alone, that nobody else knows about. You may know me as Miriam, or
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grlfrmars on IRC. However, in those moments when I am not with a friend
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or on IRC, I do indeed have a separate identity. I will now share with
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you what I do when the doors are locked and the blinds are shut. This
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is not meant for the weak of heart, so for those of you who are easily
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frightened, I suggest you stop reading now. OK, here goes.
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When I am alone, I undergo dramatic changes. My alter ego, a
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sophomore college girl named Gen emerges. I shed my usual garb,
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consisting of baggy, bell-bottom pants and black shirts, and don
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tapered-leg jeans and an Abercrombie and Fitch sweater. I take of my
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Doc Marten steel toe boots and tie on a pair of Nike trainers. I
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alternately put my hair up in a ponytail or stuff it all into a
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baseball cap. Suede and Tori come out of my CD player, and Matchbox 20
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and the Dave Matthews Band go in. I put up my Anne Geddes posters, you
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know, the ones with babies in various costumes, and I am all set.
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Once my room and appearance are set, I call up my boyfriend Eric
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and pick fights with him for spending too much time with his frat
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brothers and those WHORES who wear those black pants and hang around the
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frats drinking a lot. Doesn't he know that he's supposed to be thinking
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about me all the time? Why can't I find a man like Leonardo DiCaprio in
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Titanic? If he asked me, I'd sleep with him. Not Eric though. We've
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been dating since sophomore year of high school, but I don't trust him
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enough yet. And anyway, if a girl sleeps with a boy, she doesn't have
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him following her panting for it like Eric does to me. Anyway, I think
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he's been sleeping with those HOOCHIES at the frat parties, but I'm not
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sure. He swears that he doesn't, but isn't that what boys do? I don't
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understand why he spends so much time with his frat brother Tarquin.
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What is so great about Tarquin? He doesn't wear his cargo pants loose
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enough to have that J-Crew Model look that is just so cute! He actually
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doesn't like Dave Matthews, either. Whenever I'm there he's listening
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to the soundtrack to Cats or something like that. Whenever I'm there
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Tarquin and Eric stare at each other like they have some private joke
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and they want me to leave so they can laugh or something. God, boys
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are such jerks!
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After I hang up on Eric a few times and he stops calling me back,
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I call up my friend Candi and talk about what a jerk Eric is and what
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bitches our friends are. They just think they're all that! They think
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they are SO cute, and they're SO not!! After I talk to Candi, I have to
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go next door and tell my neighbor to turn her music down. She's always
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listening to some ugly girl singers who don't shave and complain about
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how women are treated today. I mean, I am such a feminist. My idol is
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Ally McBeal! I want to get a job in an office somewhere and have a
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hunky boss and go home and have my husband clean the house! Women
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should not be moaning about their situation, come on, we have it easy.
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If those women want to change their own tires and pay for dates, go
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ahead. I'll be right here, having my man buy me things. I think my
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neighbor is a lesbian, I mean she doesn't even wear makeup!
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After I get done yelling at my neighbor, I sit and read Chicken
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Soup for the Soul for a while. Those stories warm my heart. Then I
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watch Friends, and after Friends I throw Clueless into the VCR. God, I
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love that movie! The boy who turns out to be gay kind of reminds me of
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Tarquin.
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When the movie is over, the room gets quiet. I look around, and
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realize that Morrissey is staring at me from my wall. I melt. My alter
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ego quickly fades away, and I throw on Viva Hate and return to my
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"normal" existence. What do you do when you're alone?
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #368 - BY: GIRL FROM MARS - 12/22/98 !!
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