55 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
55 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #366 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "The True Meaning of Christmas" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Mutter !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/22/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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Santa Claus recently made headlines when he announced his plans
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to stop giving toys away to wide-eyed children around the world.
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Instead, he decided to sell them for a modest fee.
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"You can think of me as the Santa Claus for the 90s. It happened
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one day when I was building a toy train for little Bobby Morgon. I
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looked down at the toy I had put all that time and effort into and
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thought, 'Hey, what am I getting out of this deal?' Making a little
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boy's dream come true? Love and thanks? Get real, I said to myself.
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Can you buy a new fur coat with love and dreams? No. It was truly a
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moment of insight."
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Instead, Santa Claus has opened a chain of toy stores across the
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country which boasts the "lowest prices for the hottest toys." Some
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children have complained that the toys are defective or poorly built.
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One child even choked to death on a plastic piece which fell off her
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dollhouse. "Sure, we had to cut a few corners. The name of the game is
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profit." said Claus.
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Still, Santa's critics are accusing the jolly fat man of becoming
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just another greedy corporate sell-out that exploits the Christmas
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season. "Oh please! Christmas hasn't been about peace on Earth, good
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will towards man and all that jazz for quite some time now. Giving? Get
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real. It's about getting! Buy, buy, buy! The stores know it. Is it so
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horrible that I'm starting to acknowledge it?"
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Continuing his trend of getting 'real', Santa Claus announced
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today his suit against several corporations, most notably the Coca-Cola
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Corp. "They've been using my name and image to sell their products for
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years. You think I've seen dime one of the money they should be paying
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in royalties? No! I just want what is rightfully mine."
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Rumors have even started about elves working under sweat shop
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conditions and getting paid relatively nothing. Santa declined to
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comment on this; but, did offer some final words before getting back to
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one of his many busy stores. "I use to be young and naive. I use to
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think that happiness was reward enough; but then I grew up. You can't
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pay the bills with milk and cookies. You've got to work the system or
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else you're nobody. You've got to turn a profit ... make some cash!
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It's the American way."
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #366 - WRITTEN BY: MUTTER - 12/22/98 !!
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