145 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
145 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #348 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Precisely" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: A revue sketch by -> Viledandy !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/16/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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[ A room. Spare modern furniture. Table, sofa, soft
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chairs, television, etc. ]
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[ Two men. Both in their twenties. ]
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[ A laying sideways across chair. ]
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[ B curled on sofa. ]
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[ Murmurs of television heard. ]
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[ They watch in silence. ]
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A: Quiz shows.
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[ Pause. ]
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What the fuck are you doing watching fucking quiz shows?
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[ Pause. ]
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B: Eh, do you see that?
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A: Do I see what?
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B: That. This woman, there. They've just given her five thousand
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for walking around bollock naked with a sandwich board on, in
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the park.
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[ Pause. ]
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A: If she had a sandwich board on, then she wasn't bollock naked,
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was she?
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B: Of course she was. Look there. Look, you can see her tits
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pushing their way out the sides. Watch the jiggle. There! I'm
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surprised they haven't, you know, put one of those bars across it
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or something. Blacked it out. Especially when having it on at
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this time of day.
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A: Yes. My point _being_ that the board has mostly covered those
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same tits right up. Do you see? She could be wearing
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flesh-coloured wool knickers under that thing, for all you and
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I know. It's all a matter of appearances, perceptions,
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percentages, all for television. Skin to board.
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[ Pause. ]
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B: Rubbish. Look at that. Saggy old bitch. Look at that. That's
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gravity, that's what that is. Unmistakable. It's disgusting.
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That's what they ought to black out. If they're going to put a
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pair of tits on free TV at his time of the morning, they at least
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ought to be . . . what's the . . . what's the . . . what's the
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word, rhymes with turd . . .
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A: Pert.
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B: Pert, yeah. Springy, you know. Taut.
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[ Pause. ]
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A: My friend, "pert" does not rhyme with "turd".
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B: It does.
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A: It doesn't.
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B: It does nearly!
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[ Pause. ]
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A: Listen. PerrrrrrT. TurrrrrrD. T. D. D. T. They don't
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rhyme unless you've got a lisp.
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[ Pause. ]
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B: It's poetic license.
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A: You haven't got the right to poetic license. You're not a poet.
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B: That's where you're wrong. Because I'm not just a poet, but a
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connessieur.
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A: Of quiz shows.
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B: Of the female form!
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[ Pause. ]
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Of the curvaceous and rarefied female form. That's what.
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You take any old waster, your garden variety, dole-line,
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three-pack-a-day waster, and you show him that pair of tits we
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see before us, and he gets his pecker up over them. As is only
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natural and human, of course, but then again he doesn't know
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about _surface_, does he, about _contour_, and
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_apportionment_ . . .
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A: And you do.
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B: I do. I happen to be blessed with the soul of a poet. With the
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disposition of one who makes his way by moonlight, it might be
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said.
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[ Pause.]
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But I'm a man as well, natural and human, and thus it's very
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important for me to keep my pecker up. Keeping your pecker high
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is vital, for health and well being, for _peace of mind_, and
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with such a disposition, with such a way of _looking at life_, it
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becomes impossible for me to do so when faced with . . . saggy
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tits . . . and . . . such . . . accidents . . . of gravity.
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[ Pause. ]
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A: How high?
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B: Hmn?
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A: How important is it to keep your pecker high?
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B: Well . . . for example . . . how high is a rastafarian?
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A: Soaring.
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B: Precisely.
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A: Thank you.
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[ Silence. ]
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #348 - WRITTEN BY: VILEDANDY - 12/16/98 !!
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