188 lines
9.2 KiB
Plaintext
188 lines
9.2 KiB
Plaintext
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$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #141
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$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
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$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
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$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
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$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
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$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
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$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
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$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
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>> "A Womans's Guide to Geeky Guys" <<
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by -> Lonewolf
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Editor's Note: It came to my attention after publication that
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this article actually came from BunnyHop and was published in 1994. It's
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an article that has apparently been re-published without permission
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dozens of times and we feel awful sorry that some random idiot pretended
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that they wrote it.
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Here's the original URL:
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http://www.bunnyhop.com/BH5/geekguys.html
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally
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died a whimpering death and you're wondering where to go from here. All the
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sinister dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-school
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riot girls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, or
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permanently shacked up with some bitter old lady who pays all the bills.
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Which will it be, a wifely prison or a humiliating one night stand? Into
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this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have considered before,
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a man of substance, quietude and stability, a cerebral creature with a
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culture all his own. In short, a geek.
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_Why Geek Dudes Rule_
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They are generally available.
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Other women will tend not to steal them.
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They can fix things.
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Your parents will love them.
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They're smart.
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_Where The Geek Dude Lurks_
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While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to
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go to shows too often. Instead you'll find them hanging out with their
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friends, discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill
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Gates impressions. You know how some people wear t-shirts with their
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favorite bands on them, thus showing that they went to certain shows? Well,
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geek dudes wear t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on
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them, thus showing that they are up on the latest, um, releases. A small,
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though convivial, rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes. Try
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wearing one yourself and see if he strikes up a conversation.
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Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet.
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All geeks harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace,
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carrying on an e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an
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activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very
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uncomfortable with, socializing. To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just an
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advanced form of some kind of video game, but they are frustrated by a lack
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of players. Their lack is your strength.
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_Imprinting_
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You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how
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the world works and some particularly strange ideas about women. There is a
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reason for this. Because they've had limited interpersonal experience, geek
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dudes must look elsewhere for behavior models. Lacking a real world social
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milieu, geeks often go through a transference stage with such narratives,
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and try to model their interactions on them. Thus, certain media images and
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themes come to have an overly cathected, metaphorized reality to them, while
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the rest of us view such programming as mere entertainment. Case in point,
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our next topic...
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_The Trek Factor_
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If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or
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keeping a geek dude. And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk and
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Spock either. You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your Deep
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Space Nine, your Babylon 5. Armed with your own knowledge of Federation
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policies, you can better gauge when and how to act. The sexual politics of
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Star Trek are pretty blunt: the men run the technology and the ship, and
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the women are caretakers (a doctor and a counselor). Note the sexual
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tensions on the bridge of the Enterprise: the women, in skin tight
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uniforms, and with luxuriant, flowing hair. The men, often balding, and
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sporting some sort of permanently attached computer auxiliary. This world
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metaphorizes the fantasies of the geek dude, who sees himself in the
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geeky-but-heroic male officers and who secretly desires a sexy, smart,
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Deanna or Bev to come along and deferentially accept him for who he is. If
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you are willing to accept that this is his starting point for reality, you
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are ready for a geek relationship.
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_Once You've Got Him_
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Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle. Keeping
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him by your side is another story altogether. I was privileged to speak
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with Miss Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a geek guy but was also
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clever enough to marry him just a few short months ago. She interrupted her
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newlywed bliss to give us a few tips on the care and feeding of a geek man:
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"Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands. If you can hang
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with the techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates. They are the most
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attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and more
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alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give geeks a
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chance."
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_Geek Cuisine_
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Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and
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think and aren't all that into cooking for themselves. Make sure that your
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geek understands that you are not merely a replicator, and provide him with
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home cooked food. A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know that
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you love him. You do have to monitor your geek for weight gain; however,
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remember that most of their days are spent sitting and staring at a monitor.
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_Geek Lifestyle_
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The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home
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with him. He seems permanently connected to his hard disk. You must at
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least appear interested in his work. Generally, a solid understanding of
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the computer is a must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be
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able to talk the talk. Remember most geeks are anal and they get stressed
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about details which appear insignificant. Be understanding, put on your
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best Deanna Troi face (see above) and empathize.
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To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games. Let him play
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_Myst_ or Chuck Yeager's _Air Combat_ for hours if he wants to. Act
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concerned if he's stuck or has just been ambushed by three MiGs. My geek
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loves to try to help people on the Internet who say that they are stuck in
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_Myst_. He comes up with clever riddles instead of directing them point
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blank. Geeks also like to go to sci-fi and Japanese animated movies,
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again, a basically harmless vent for your man.
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_Geek Buddies_
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Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly
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refer to as RL (Real Life, also known as 'that big room with the ceiling
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that is sometimes blue and sometimes black with little lights'). The
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greatest thing about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in
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setting them up with your girlfriends. They may feel awkward around females
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at first, so don't overwhelm them. In time they will come out of their
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shell and realize that you are into the same things they are.
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Oh yeah...
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I thank Victoria for the above advice. I must say that when she read
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my draft of the piece, before writing her section, she asked her husband
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which one he thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the
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devil, immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually
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most like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute character with a slight authority problem
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who is always had trouble (this is fairly apt).
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This exchange is interesting for several reasons:
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Howard had already thought about who she was most like.
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He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease.
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Victoria actually knew who he meant.
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Folks, I think this marriage will last.
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_One Last Thing_
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Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks
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have gone underground. You may actually know some and just haven't noticed
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them. They often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important to
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realize this as you grow closer to them. Don't ever try to force the issue,
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or make crazy demands that he choose between his computer and you.
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Remember, his computer has been there for him his whole life; you are a new
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interloper he hasn't quite grasped yet.
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Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual
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puzzles. Don't you consider yourself one? Wouldn't you like a little
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intellectual stimulation or your own? We thought so.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #141 -- written by Lonewolf -- 12/4/97 *
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