252 lines
7.9 KiB
Plaintext
252 lines
7.9 KiB
Plaintext
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s
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.
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s : s
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OINK! OINK! &
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MOO! MOO! " "" """$""" " ""
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$$$ .s$$$$$s. $$$$s. $ s
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\ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $
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_____ $$$ """ $$$ $$$ :
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</ x x \> "" " $$$$$$$s. $$$ $$$$P' "" " "" "
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| @ | $$$ $$$ $$$ . s
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/\__^__/\ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$ $$$ $$$P' $$$$P' b3
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HOGS OF ENTROPY PRESENTS...
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>>> My nipples are erect for you! <<<
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by - Hardcore
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(09/16/96)
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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Editor's Note: Although Hardcore pretended to have written this
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article in an e-mail to metalchic, who ended up publishing it, it came to
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my attention later in time that this is actually a rather infamous
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forwarded e-mail. Someone even mentioned that it was printed in a rather
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famous publication, like Playboy or something. Regardless, we here at HOE
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would like to apologize to the original author for having printed this
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without permission.
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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For anyone that has spent just a few too many hours in #hotsex on IRC...
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Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as
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"cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared
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through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll
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see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript
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of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex.
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Then again, maybe he does...
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
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Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
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heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements
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are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
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Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on
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a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also
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wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from
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dinner...it smells funny.
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Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
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Wellhung: OK
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Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the
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stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into
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your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and
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begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
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Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
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Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
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Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
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Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
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Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
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Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk
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slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and
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rubbing.
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Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
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hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
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Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
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Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
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Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft
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breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
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Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck.
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Do you have any scissors?
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Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back
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undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my
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breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
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Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
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the clasp.
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Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your
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tongue all over me.
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Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
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breasts. They're neat!
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Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm
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nibbling your ear.
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Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
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phlegm.
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Sweetheart: What?
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Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
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Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
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my blouse.
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Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with
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a plop.
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Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
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hard tool.
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Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
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Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
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Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
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in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
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Sweetheart: What's the matter?
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Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
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Sweetheart: Are you OK?
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Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
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Sweetheart: Can I help?
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Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
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through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
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Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
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Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
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Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
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Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
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Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
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Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet.
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And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
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Where's the bedroom?
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Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
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Wellhung: I found it.
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Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so
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badly.
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Wellhung: Me too.
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Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked
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bodies pressing each other.
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Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
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Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
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Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the
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glasses on the night table.
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Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
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Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room
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and toward the bathroom.
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Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
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Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
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the toilet. I lift the lid.tinue?
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Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
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Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
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but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
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Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
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Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
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Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my
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way.
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Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
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Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
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your...you know...woman's thing.
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Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
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Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
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your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
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Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand
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it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
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Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
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Sweetheart: What?
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Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
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Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look
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on my face.
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Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
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floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
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Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
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underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
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Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.
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I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
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picture frames and your candles.
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Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
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Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of
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our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing
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at it, a shocked look on my face.
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Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
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Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
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Sweetheart: <logged off>
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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this is a footer.
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