386 lines
21 KiB
Plaintext
386 lines
21 KiB
Plaintext
______ ______ ______________
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\ / \ / ____ \ ______|
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| |________| | / \ | |____
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| ________ | ( {} ) | _____)
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/~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | \____/ | |______ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
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| |~~~~~~~ / \ / \ / | ~~~~~~~~~| |
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| | |______| |______| /_____________| | |
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| | ...Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | |
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| | "The Great CyberSpace Coaster Chat Board Caper" | |
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| | By: IM2K4U2C | |
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\ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sometimes things need to be pounded into peoples heads like a hammer. I
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truly wonder sometimes why there are so many people that don't have a clue
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what's going on around them. People don't stop and think. People take all
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the wrong stupid unimportant things in life too seriously.
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Sometimes when I'm talking to someone at my local 2600 Meetings, they
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ask me what boards I call. They looked shocked when I tell them that I don't
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call any. Sure, many of us in telecom started on BBSs, but when you really
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take a look at it you'll realized that all BBSs are weak. Why the fuck would
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you run a board when you can get everything you could want from the Internet,
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and easier than any 'board' could every do. Message Bases are nothing
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compared to Usenet, File Bases are nothing compared to FTP, and 'Chat' is
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nothing compared to IRC.
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As if telcom didn't have enough morons, the world is hit with chat
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boards. I'm well aware that the whole chat board thing isn't new, however it
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seems this type of board is becoming more and more common by the day. The
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fad has brought in, and continues to bring in the lowest intelligence to the
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modem world. And what's worse is that today many many of these boards [Many
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of them MajorBBS] are getting hooked into the Internet. It makes me pull my
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hair out sometimes. As if IRC didn't do the pathetic job that these chat
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boards do.
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Wait. Was that a judgement? CRAP. It was. Fine, Fine. I know what
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you're thinking. "You don't call chat boards so how can you know how good or
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bad they are!" Okay, you're right.
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Yes, that paragraph had sarcasm in it, dimwit. However, I'm going to
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prove my point now by collecting OFFICIAL HoE Research Data, much in the same
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way that Abigwar did in HoE #32. I'm going to actually telnet to one of the
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larger chat boards and spend 2 hours in the Teleconfrence testing out and
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proving the four theories I have about Chat Boards and capturing the results.
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As hard as it is to believe - these are real captures. And yes, I AM really
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this big of an ass in real life too.
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Enjoy,
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______________________________________________________________________________
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Theory #1- "If you fun of someone, they'll assume you're serious."
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|-=-=------------------Official-HoE-Research-Data-Start!------------------=-=-|
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You are in the Main Channel of the Teleconfrence. SmileyT, Ponyboy, Hans,
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Blowfish, and Twinkie are here with you.
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[From Twinkie]: hi im2ad34adafs34
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[From Hans]: hahahahaa...What the fuck kind of fucked up handle is that?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: You have to understand what K-Rad is to get it. You guys
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are too caught up in sitting around this board all day to get it.
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[From Blowfish (to Hans)]: i don't think laura even cares about if he's
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cheating on her or not. :)
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[From Ponyboy]: what does it mean?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: It's phonetic.
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[From Hans (to Blowfish)]: She cares!!! She's not that stupid! :)
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[From Twinkie]: I still don't get it.
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[From Ponyboy]: uhhh.. huh?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: You know, you sound out each letter/number.
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[From Ponyboy]: Oh! Like "I am to Kay four you to see"?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Uhmm.. sorta. Except the the 2 is a "too", the 4 is a
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"four", and the K is just K.
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[From Twinkie]: I'm so depressed............My life sux.............
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[From Ponyboy]: Oh. It still makes no sense. Why did you pick such a lame
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handle? Are you a newbie to chat boards?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: There's a redundance if I ever saw one. No.
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[From Hans (to Blowfish)]: I think that shes the stupidest slut i ever met :)
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[From Ponyboy]: What the fuck does that mean?
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[From Twinkie]: i'm.................so....................bored............
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[From IM2K4U2C]: It means that the people that come onto chat boards are
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almost always anti-social people with no life. Except for me. I'm
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an exception. Heh,.
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[From Ponyboy]: shut the fuck up..
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[From IM2K4U2C]: My, My, My...aren't we a little edgy these days?
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[From Ponyboy]: Listen you little lamer faggot, why don't you go back to
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playing with your Transformers or something and leave us alone.
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[From SmileyT]: Hey Ponyboy! Chill out man!
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[From IM2K4U2C]: I think if I was a 'little lamer faggot' then it would be a
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step UP to go play with Transformers! They Transformers RULED.
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Don't you remember how cool they were?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: My favorite transformer was Optimus Prime. Then came
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Devastator. Do you remember him? He was the one that was formed by
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all the DestructoCons when they all merged!
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[From Ponyboy]: that's so lame.. you're jokes are so corney.. why don't you
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go masturbate to a some gif of a naked man or something little
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faggot?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Okay. Who would you prefer: Brad Pitt or Keanu Reeves?
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[From Ponyboy]: really not funny.. dude you are like the bigger lamer ever...
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Are 'faggot' and 'lamer' the only two insult you know?
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[From Ponyboy]: i'm tired of your shit.. shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!
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[From IM2K4U2C]: And if I don't?
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[From Ponyboy]: stop fuking with me, you know i could fuck you up... i'm sure
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that i'm a hell of a lot bigger than you and i'll go kick your
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fucking ass
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[From IM2K4U2C]: How big exactly are you?
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[From Ponyboy]: ..i'm 6'3 - i weight 220 puounds..
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** Twinkie is snickering under her breath **
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[From IM2K4U2C]: So we're all Greek Gods today, huh?
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[From Ponyboy]: i'm not a computer geek jockey like you, i gota life
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[From IM2K4U2C]: ou hang out on chat boards and you have a life? You hang
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out sitting on your butt and you that big? Well, assuming you're
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honest than you are bigger than me. Now tell me this, are you local
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[From IM2K4U2C]: to the 713 area code of this chat board (that's texas)?
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[From Ponyboy]: Yeah..I know its texas faggot.. i live here!!!
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[From IM2K4U2C]: So, I'm telneting here (this is from something called the
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internet, it's a big linkup of computers. A computer is what that
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thing you are typing on right now is called) from 619, which is
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[From IM2K4U2C]: in San Diego. How do you propose to come and kick my ass?
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Are you willing to make such a long drive to get to where I live?
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[From Ponyboy]: SHUt uP!! You are so fucking lame it's not even worth
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talking to you.. you just blab on and on like an annoying little
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parrot.. i'll call back later when your sorry lamer ass is gone...
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** Ponyboy has vanished from the Teleconfrence **
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[From Twinkie]: He could have just /ignore'd you....
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=-=-=================================[End]================================-=-=
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Well, I'm not exactly sure what this proves, but as you can see someone
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doesn't have a very good sense of humor. If the guy had at any one point
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realized that I was totally goofing off of everything he said and not
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"starting a fight" (Note: Can there really ever be a "fight" in a chat
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board?) then I would have stopped. I guess some people were born to be
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morons.
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______________________________________________________________________________
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Theory #2- "You can go just so far with a CyberSex."
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|-=-=------------------Official-HoE-Research-Data-Start!------------------=-=-|
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** Cindy Brady is inviting you to her Private Channel **
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You are in Cindy Brady's Private Channel. Cindy Brady is here with you.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Hey weren't you a porn star?
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[From Cindy Brady]: hehehe
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[From IM2K4U2C]: I never quite got the fever to say "hehehe". I wonder what
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exactly that sounds like in real life. Is it an average laugh? To
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me it looks like some really stupid giggle.
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[From Cindy Brady]: hehehe
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[From IM2K4U2C]: You're into repetitive humor, huh?
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[From Cindy Brady]: Didn't you page me asking if you wanted to hot chat?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Oh yeah. I was actually kidding, but you...uhhmm.. look
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like such a hot babe! i just gotta lay on that fever for the flavor
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of a pringles. Once you pop you can't stop.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: So, let's get down to business. I'm pretty new at this sort
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of thing. Mind if you give me a hand.. is it hard? [double pun not
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intended].
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[From Cindy Brady]: hehe..It's easy...
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[From IM2K4U2C]: I think it's slowly dawning on me that I'm actually NOT
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funny and I only amuse myself.
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[From Cindy Brady]: heheh..
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Okay, let's get down to masturb...er, I mean 'sex'.
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[From Cindy Brady]: hehe.. how big are you?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: I'm 5'10". And you?
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[From Cindy Brady]: no, i meant YOu....hehe...
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Oh.. I'm a mega-mackadacious 12-f00ter baby! BAMMA-BAM!
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And that's not even erect!
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[From Cindy Brady]: OH! That's HUGE!
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Oh, I bet you say that to all the cyber-studs...
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[From Cindy Brady]: No, I've never had one that big in me.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: No doubt. Fine.
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** Cindy Brady is 5'6" and is thin with huge round breasts **
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[From Cindy Brady]: Pull it out! Let me see it.
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** IM2K4U2C pulls out the jombee!()_*()(&*^&$^&())_&(*^R#%^# **
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Man, it's so soft. Make it harder, WOMAN.
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[From Cindy Brady]: How about if I rub it.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Rub? BAH! SUCK SUCK SUCK GIRL SUCK.
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** Cindy Brady wraps her lips around IM2K4U2C's penis **
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[From IM2K4U2C]: You call that a suck!? I've had better sucks from vacuums.
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[From Cindy Brady]: Mmmm! You taste so good.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Minty Fresh?
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[From Cindy Brady]: Uh huh!!
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[From IM2K4U2C]: This sucking just isnt' doing the job for me. Maybe you're
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just no good at it. I say we jump straight the the humping like
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dogs part. whatdoyousay?
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[From Cindy Brady]: Ok..
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** Cindy Brady pulls her cloths off and you see her perfectly shaped body **
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[From IM2K4U2C]: My, aren't we a bit flattering of ourselves?
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** IM2K4U2C prepares to R4M CB like the b1tch that she is butt, **
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** IM2K4U2C sees that she is all dirty. ICK! Do you deuch?! GET AWAY! **
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** IM2K4U2C has left this channel **
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=-=-=================================[End]================================-=-=
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Did I wuss out? I hope n0t. I just wanted to see exactly what this
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sort of thing consisted of. I guess this happens on the IRC a lot too. Uhh,
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yeah whatever. Call me a prude, but a whole bunch of un-original sexual
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lines and Generic Action statements don't do it for me. Call me a
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traditionalist, but I really just get turned on by the real thing. Hey
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Cindy, you're a retard. Get on with your life.
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______________________________________________________________________________
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Theory #3- "Chat Role Playing Games are pathetic."
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|-=-=------------------Official-HoE-Research-Data-Start!------------------=-=-|
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You are in SkullHead's Private Channel. SkullHead, Racer-X, Rob Grentz, and
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Dingle Bop are here with you.
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Channel Topic: SkullHead's Shadowrun RPG
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[From IM2K4U2C]: YES@!@ LET ME PLAY YOUR ROLEPLAYNG GAME@!#@#!@
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[From Rob Grentz]: Calm down man!! Okay, you can play, just e-mail me a
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character.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: You guys are that specific? Can't i just uhmm.. like PLAY!@
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[From Racer-X]: No. We have rules and character limits.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: That's WEAK. Lemme PLAY!@!#!@
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[From Rob Grentz]: Sorry, it's not hard. Are you familiar with Shadowrun?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: uhmm.. YEAH YEAH@!@@! LEMME PLAY@!@#!
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[From Dingle Bop (to Rob Grentz)]: Kick him out, he's only here to annoy us.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: HEY DINGLE PHAG FUCK YOU I WANNA PLAY!@!#@@! GIMME GIMME@!@
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[From Rob Grentz]: Send me a character and you can play.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: FUCK!@# I CANNOT PLAY THEN. I WILL WATCH YOU PLAY@#!@
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[From Rob Grentz]: Sure.
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[From Rob Grentz]: Okay guys, the Mercenary Elf pulls out a large gun of
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some unknown materials. He starts firing. Roll to dodge.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY#@$#@ RUN FOR COVER@#!@#@
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** You have been kicked out of SkullHead's room **
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** You are not invited to SkullHead's room **
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=-=-=================================[End]================================-=-=
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Okay, so I didn't get to experience too much of the game. Well,
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fuckdammit THEY ARE PATHETIC. I don't need a Chat board room to tell me
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that. Those guys just sit there in a little clump for like 10 hours straight
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talking about mega-damage and killing a little wombat with a sword. Come on
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boys - can we honestly not find anything more productive than this? Are you
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planning to become one of those guys that still play these games every day at
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thirty years old? There comes a point where you are just going to get made
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fun of because those games are ultimately *KID'S* games. Wake up and smell
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the Vivarin (Mogel Joke). People will eventually begin to look at you like
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the retards that were forced to work at McDonalds from Affirmative Action and
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either laugh at you or pity you. Either way it sucks, the games are
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pathetic, GO OUT SIDE AND FIND A GIRL.
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______________________________________________________________________________
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Theory #4- "All MajorBBS SysOps have an insecurity complex."
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*OR*
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"The theory that Mogel MADE me write after I finished this file."
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|-=-=------------------Official-HoE-Research-Data-Start!------------------=-=-|
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You are in the Main Channel of the Teleconfrence. Twinkie, Grace, Big John,
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Mr. Football, Leather 'n Chains, and Lucky Chucky are here with you.
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[From Twinkie]: hey im23123tcawe23..
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Yeah, like I was here a few days ago and you were here.
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[From Twinkie]: yeah, i remember you..
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Heh, I'm paging the SysOp at the Console. This will be fun.
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I know he's around. That l0zZzer
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[From Lucky Chucky]: What do you need? I am a moderator.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: I need a bowl of French Onion soup. Got one?
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[From Twinkie]: WOW.. I'm drinking beef chunky..
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[From IM2K4U2C]: uhmm..that's such an amazing coincidence! Shut up
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[From Twinkie]: ...bite....me....
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[From Lucky Chucky]: I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.
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[From Grace (to Twinkie)]: I'm drinking Chunky Chucky.. er.. I mean Lucky..
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[From Big John (to Twinkie)]: I can't wait till tonight. I'm gonna get so
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loaded..
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[From IM2K4U2C (to Big John)]: Drugs? What kind?
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[From Big John (to IM2K4U2C)]: pot...heroin...
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Oh. Interesting. Why are you telling us this?
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[From Big John]: The same universal answer as I always give - why not?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Not bad. It's not like people actually do have progressive
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conversations in here. I wonder if the maker of MBBS Software had in
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mind people having deep, furfilling debates or if he thought this
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[From IM2K4U2C]: was what it was gonna be used for
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[From Big John]: Most Programmers have no sense of what people are like, so
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I'd put my money on the former.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Hey! I resent that. I'm a programmer, and I don't spend
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massive hyper-amounts of time on my computer, unless I'm capturing
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conversations on a chat board to use in some silly t-file
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[From Big John]: Oh, I'm a programmer too. I'm just kidding.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: So if we're both programmers, why are we wasting our time
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here?
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[From Big John]: Maybe because we both like to waste our time in the most
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pathetic of ways?
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Sounds good to me
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** SysOp has just joined this Channel **
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[From IM2K4U2C]: SySoP@#!@#!@#!@#!@##!@#@!#@
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[From Twinkie]: Hey SysOp!
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[From Lucky Chucky]: Hey Joe
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[From SysOp (to IM2K4U2C)]: You paged me?
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[From IM2K4U2C (to SysOp)]: YEAH. I was wondering how long your penis is.
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I have a really big penis insecurity complex and I want to see if
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yours is bigger or not.
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[From Twinkie]: heheheheheheehehehehe
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** Big John is Rolling on the Floor Laughing Hysterically at IM2K4U2C **
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[From SysOp (to IM2K4U2C)]: That sort of discussion is inappropriate for this
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BBS. Please stop it.
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[From IM2K4U2C (to SysOp)]: Huh? What are you talking about? Your penis
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can't be discussed?
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[From SysOp (to IM2K4U2C)]: Sexual or Adult Language is not allowed on the
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main channel.
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[From IM2K4U2C (to SysOp)]: That wasn't sexual or anything. All guys have
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penis's. Even guys that don't have sex have them.
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[From SysOp (to IM2K4U2C)]: You know exactly what's wrong with that
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statement, let's not play games.
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[From IM2K4U2C (to SysOp)]: Why can't we talk about penis length?
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[From SysOp (to IM2K4U2C)]: You're welcome to discuss it on your private
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channel.
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[From IM2K4U2C (to SysOp)]: Are you worried that some kiddie's mommie is
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going to see the word 'penis' on his computer screen as she walks in
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to tell him it's dinner time or something?
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[From SysOp (to IM2K4U2C)]: If you don't want to follow the rules then leave.
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[From IM2K4U2C (to SysOp)]: Wow. How did you successfully pull off not
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responding to my question?? That was neat. Look, let's do an age
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tally here.... I'm 18 years old. How about the rest of you?
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[From Twinkie]: I'm 15.
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[From Lucky Chucky (to IM2K4U2C)]: 23...
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[Leather 'n Chains]: 19
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[Mr. Football]: 16.
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[From IM2K4U2C (to SysOp)]: See, now except for Grace, who appears to be
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brain dead or afk, we're all over 13. That means that PG-13 stuff
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like the word 'penis' are okay. Dig?
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[From SysOp (to IM2K4U2C)]: We have established rules here that we want you
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to follow. If you continue to disrespect them then I'll have to do
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something about it. DIG?!
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[From IM2K4U2C (to SysOp)]: Like what?
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[From IM2K4U2C (to SysOp)]: Established rules huh? How about we BREAK the
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establishment?! NEW WORLD ORDER! MAJORBBS FREEDOM FOR ALL!
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[From SysOp (to IM2K4U2C)]: Suspend your access. Delete you. Moof you.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: I don't think our poor SysOp gets the real point here. This
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doesn't matter one hill of beans to me. There's a million chat
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boards. Even id I was addicted to them then I'd just telnet to
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[From IM2K4U2C]: another. Not a problem. I really don't care.
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** The Youngest One in Curls **
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[From Cindy Brady]: hi all.
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[From SysOp (to IM2K4U2C)]: If you don't care, then leave. No one is holding
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you back.
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** Twinkie holds IM2k42uc back **
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[From IM2K4U2C]: Macro bombs are gay.
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[From IM2K4U2C]: I HAVE A BIG FUCKING MACKADACIOUS PENIS THAT WANTS TO SLIP
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INTO J0E MAMMA'S BIG PHAT MOUTH WITH CUM AND OTHER SEXUAL LANGUAGE
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JAMMIN' INTO HER KUNT WITH ALL FIVE OF HER CHILDREN WATCHING!@@!@#1
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[From IM2K4U2C]: I HAVE A BIG FUCKING MACKADACIOUS PENIS THAT WANTS TO SLIP
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INTO J0E MAMMA'S BIG PHAT MOUTH WITH CUM AND OTHER SEXUAL LANGUAGE
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JAMMIN' INTO HER KUNT WITH ALL FIVE OF HER CHILDREN WATCHING!@@!@#1
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[From IM2K4U2C]: I HAVE A BIG FUCKING MACKADACIOUS PENIS THAT WANTS TO SLIP
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INTO J0E MAMMA'S BIG PHAT MOUTH WITH CUM AND OTHER SEXUAL LANGUAGE
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JAMMIN' INTO HER KUNT WITH ALL FIVE OF HER CHILDREN WATCHING!@@!@#1
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[From Cindy Brady]: hehehe..
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[From IM2K4U2C]: I HAVE A BIG FUCKING MACKADACIOUS PENIS THAT WANTS TO SLIP
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INTO J0E MAMMA'S BIG PHAT MOUTH WITH CUM AND OTHER SEXUAL LANGUAGE
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JAMMIN' INTO HER KUNT WITH ALL F-vDF4%@#$%rfRV RcGFYTry667
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6h6%?$
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7Ythghd%^
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NO CARRIER
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| _____ Call Goat Blowers Anonymous for the LATEST HOE! _____ |
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| 6/ ^..^ (215) 750 - 0392 ^..^ \9 |
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| \_____(oo) This Issues Featured Support Board is: (oo)_____/ |
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| WW WW Eclipse WW WW |
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| ...the kings of modern goofiness... |
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Copyright (c) 1995 HoE Publications and IM2K4U2C. #74 --> 5/1/95
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All rights Reserved.
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