223 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
223 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
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______ ______ ______________
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\ / \ / ____ \ ______|
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| |________| | / \ | |____
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| ________ | ( {} ) | _____)
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/~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | \____/ | |______ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
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| |~~~~~~~ / \ / \ / | ~~~~~~~~~| |
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| | |______| |______| /_____________| | |
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| | Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | |
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| | "Random Spam" | |
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| | By: Zorro | |
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\ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hi, I am a vibrator.
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I like Energizer batteries, 'cause they last a loooong time.
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Not like those other batteries, they are so funny, they
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kill me...literally.
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Doctor: Open up...
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Sally Struthers: What are YOU doing?
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Doctor: I'm performing brain surgery...
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Doctor: AND I am studying for my ICS home economics degree!
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Sally Struthers: See how easy it is to study at home or work fot that career
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you always wanted!?
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Doctor: Nurse Pass me the vinegar..ooops.. I mean tweezer.
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This Genuine Sheet of paper is made of 100% oak! Its strong wooden frame
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makes it great for those hard to remember thoughts... With its bleach
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varnish, and colorful blue and white stripe design, who could resist it..
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How much would you pay for this? 10 dollars? 15 Dollars? Well today, for the
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first 100 callers, we will give you the wood, we give you the stripes, and
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an extra paper for only one cent more, all for 2 dollars.. call now!
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"Call the Shit Smells BBS"
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-Why?
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"Cause there are a lot of people in california!"
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[Enter your name here]: I have been thinking about getting an std from my
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girlfriend...
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Dr. Sbaitso: Do you think your girlfriend wants an STD?
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[Enter your name here]: No... I am afraid of getting one from her!
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Dr. Sbaitso: How do you know she will want to give you one?
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[Enter your name here]: I am afraid that my girlfriend is having sex with
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other boys, and maybe girls, so I worried that she
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will give me the std when we have sex!
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Dr. Sbaitso: Do you know you can change my colors?
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My cat got hit by a car, but he got even...
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Eww!!
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[Suppressed evidence from the OJ simpson case revealed!]
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-911 Emergeny phone Call-
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NS: "This is Nicole! My husband is going to kill me, He is OJ Simpson!"
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911: "Do you mean THE o.j. simpson? The football player?"
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NS: "Yeah thats him, he is going to kill me!"
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911: "The actor?? And the party animal?? and the life blood of the hawain
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tropic contest?"
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NS: "Yes already, now get someone down here already! OJ STOP! Ahhh!!!
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911: "Do you think I could get his autograph?"
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...[Blood]
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Urethra! I've got it! - Christina 'Bundy'
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"You have reached the Micheal Jackson Fan Club toll free number!
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Press ONE if you are under 12, TWO if I have run you over, THREE
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if you are a disgruntled employee who will sue me, and FOUR if
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we just feigned a love affair...if you don't have a touch tone
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keyboard, hold for an operator..."
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"Yes.. hello? Micheal Jackson Fan Club..."
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"My name is Genifer Flowers, Genifer, with a 'G'!"
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...[Click]
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"There are many volcanic eruptions in near oceanic areas in the world!"
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-Why?
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"Because there are many people in california!"
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[1800ABCDEFG]
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Bill: "Yes, this is, errr this is William Jefferson...."
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Op: "Okay, and which one of our products will you be ordering today, sir?
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Bill: "...Learn to read k-12..."
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Op: "...and your mailing address?"
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Bill: "Crap....<muffled> Hillary?!...um...The White House."
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Op: "Just exactly how stupid do you think I am?"
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Bill: "Damnit woman, I am the president of this nation and I can't read, and
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I think it's holding me back in my job carreer! Plus, I have to get
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Hillary to read me everything.. how do you think she gets what she
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wants? Why is SHE on a 'READ' poster, I am not?"
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...[Click]
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Bill: "Whose the world leader here, you or me? Shit they hung up! Hillary,
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what does this say?"
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"Live from Maine, it's Weekday Nights Live! We
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now join Weekday Update now in progress..."
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"Today it was revealed that Maine has a 1.5% minority rate per capita...
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In a related story, a new study shows that during the rise of the KKK,
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Maine had the highest number of members...Which once again proves my
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theory, 'Maine loves neo-naziism'!"
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"Mommy mommy, I want an Ito Pet!!!"
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Thats right moms, your kids want this unique judge Ito Chia pets
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HEY CONAN, GO BABY JO JO, GO!!!!
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"Have you no shame???"
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"What? of course I do, I have my guards look out for Hillary!"
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A topless woman on the NYC subway mugged a guardian angel...she whacked him
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with her bosom and knocked him unconcious.
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President Cilinton - brings new meaning to the word "DICKtaphone"
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Treat your genitals as you would want them to treat you!
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Next on public radio...CLICK
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I want to be a clergy ranger,
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living the life of sex and danger!
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Excuse me, sir... but are YOU looking for a mate? Well trained, eats at
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regular hours, will trade cigarette's for sex? Well now the Globe has it for
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you. I am sure you have wondered, "Who reads those tabloids".. well now we
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have it for you...take this girl for example:
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"CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTE INMATE
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Innocent redhead, wrongly convicted of crime.
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You won't mysteriously disappear like my other husbands.
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Willing to relocate.
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Release date coming up soon!
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Age, looks, personality not important.
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Send bank records.."
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Now, couldn't YOU just DIE to meet this eligible woman?
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As pete rubbed his keyboards faster and faster,
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the caps lock and scroll lock light flickered,
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as fast as emergency strobe light traveling through town.
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Professor jauntis is making a k-rad bomb...
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BOOM
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Oops..
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What do you say if the devil sneezes...?
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Yan can cook, but he can't speak.
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[failed slogans from different products]
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"It's shake and fake, and I helped!"
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"Sham burger! Hamburger!
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Tastes like a sham,
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Imitates Spam!
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Shamburger Hamburger!"
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Things that you DON'T want to see on a fortune cookie:
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-The chef didnt wash his hands.
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-You will have gastrointestinal problems during your next date
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-Dont sleep with --> she has an std
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-You are turning into a warez d00d
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-Its not a rash, its crabs
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They are going to take me away HAHA!
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YES YOU!
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Tornado warning alert, danger to our viewing area,
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Story at 11PM
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"Cleopatra...she could satisfy 10 woman, 12 men, and a Mogel."
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Doctor- I am sorry, you have multiple personality disorder
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it seems that after watching so many episodes of 3 stoogers,
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you have them imprinted in your head.
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Patient- Oh no!
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Patient- You stoopid dimwit!
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Patient- Ouch!
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Patient- Take that! [Bonk]
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Patient- I'll show you!
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Patient- Boing
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Feminist hitlist:
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1 Hieugh Hefner
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2 Bill Clinton
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3 Mike Hunt
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This is the super duper end of a super duper babble by your super duper host!
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Greetz: Dwenlar... you still suck, and I am not kidding!
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Mogel... your name is linked to 'frog' in my word associations.
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Vash...Hash
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zippie and zotto, your the greatest
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Zen.. you st0000pid moron, not that I hate u or anything
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cDc.. I am writing a story about my imaginary dead cat for you
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VaS.. can I have some
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Ascii Express - hold...
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Dark Plubber... hi.
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Spiff, your fun
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Cindy/Vixen..love ya...we all do...really!
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|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|=-=-=-=|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
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| Mogel-Land.[Home].2157323413 / \ Paranoia Subnormal.2153395831 |
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| Hacker Crackdown..2159451907 | )\._./( | Stellar Nights.....6108969140 |
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| T.E.K.A.T.........9088132738 | ( (o) ) | |
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| Mary Jane's.......2164616162 | <_U_> | the NEXT generation |
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| /<RaD-/<-/< House.8103480421 | BuUuRP! | of stoopid... |
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| Twisted Reality...6104590598 \ / |
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|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|=-=-=-=|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
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Copyright (c) 1994 HoE Publications and Zorro #18 --> 10/31/94
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All Rights are very confused...
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