262 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
262 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
Oh my GawD! ***** BACK AT YOUR ASS FOR THE '99, BITCH. ***** More from GwaD!
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The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Incorporated
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Brings YOU 2 Brand New Text Files for Summer 1999!
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(Issues 66-67 of GwD: The American Dream with a Twist - of Lime)
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-=< NewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdS >=-
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gwd66.txt - The GwD STAR WARS Special (by The Mad Screamer, Pezzy
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et al.),
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AND....
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gwd67.txt - Make Room for Millennium Baby (by Ron Callari).
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-+- GREEN is GOOD. -+-
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***** ***** ***** ***** *****
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Summaries of New Issues
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***** ***** ***** ***** *****
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"The GwD STAR WARS Special"
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= GwD66 =
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-----
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Redneck Jedi, Samuel L. Jackson
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as a Jedi: sure, you've read
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them before. If you didn't like
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them then, you surely won't
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like the rest of the file...
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The Mad Screamer, author of the
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(now infamous) "Deluded Ravings
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of a Madman" returns to bring
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his fans (and others) an inside
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look at the premiere of the
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newest STAR TREK film. The Mad
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Screamer quips, "I set my jaw
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and reminded myself why I watch
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STAR WARS."...
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New dr00g Pezzy rants about
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action figures. Okay, dolls...
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The STAR WARS drinking game!...
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Lame ascii-art we ripped off...
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-----
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"Make Room for Millennium Baby"
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= GwD67 =
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-----
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Move over Boomer, they're
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arriving in millions and
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packing an attitude! Ron
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Callari gives us this article
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detailing what the children of
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the next millennium will be
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like. Very insightful.
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-----
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-+- GwD. It's like _War & Peace_ with a touch Ed Wood. -+-
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***** ***** ***** ***** *****
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What's going on in Grenedom?
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***** ***** ***** ***** *****
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-> HEADLINES <-
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We missed St. Patrick's Day. Go us.
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The question you *are* all asking is, of course, "Why release two files now
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when you could have released more later?"
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That's simple. We have a STAR WARS-related file in this release, so we want to
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cash in on all the hoopla that's going on this month, seeing as how the movie
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opened on the 19th. Everyone else is cashing in on the hype from this movie,
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why can't we? WHY CAN'T WE?!? WHY, DAMN YOU, WHY!?!??!
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Also, we have a file about the changing o' the Millennium, and, well, if we
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don't release it now, it probably won't be out until next year, and that's only
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if the world doesn't end. So read it (gw67) NOW, PIGGIE.
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Of course, there's also the fact that today is 5-25. Figure that one out,
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genius.
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Two main items of news this time:
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(1) GwD Publications HAS MOVED to: http://gwd.mit.edu/
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That's right, now you have to go to MIT to peruse our CRAP! Well, okay, maybe
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not...all you have to do is go to their website. Our *original* site,
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http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/
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has been killed by geocities, because they are fascist bastards. You hear that
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GeoCities? We won't be intimidated by your Nazi-esque tactics.
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Why did we move the Publications site from GeoCities in the first place? Well,
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it's simple: GeoCities sucks. They used to be cool, before all the shitty java
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applets started to appear all over the pages, reminding you that it was indeed a
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site on GeoCities. Also, there's those damn pop-up windows. GwD HATES POP-UP
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WINDOWS. That is, of course, if they advertise something other than us, which
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most of them do. So, we decided to move the Publications site elsewhere and,
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seeing as how we have an operative deep within the MIT hierarchy, where better
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to move it? The GwD-GeoCities site *was* supposed to be a repository of links
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to GwD/GREENY/Grene related sites, but those bastards killed it (see above).
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We had that goddamn site for 3+ years, and since we didn't update it for only
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ONE month, they deleted it. Anyway, that's that. GEOCITIES WILL PAY.
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(2) "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist - of Lime," everyone's favorite
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e-zine about nothing, has an International Standard Serial Number (ISSN).
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That's right, we're now in the same league as other great "serial publications"
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with ISSNs, like "TIME," "PEOPLE," "WIRED," and "SWANK." So anyway, the next
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time you're doing scholarly research and (don't laugh) citing "GwD: The
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American Dream..." as a source, we have an ISSN so you can prove to your boss,
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teacher, or professor that it is INDEED an INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED
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publication.
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What, pray tell, is this coveted number? 1523-1585. Notice that there are
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THREE FIVES in this number, making it fit us nicely. Of course, if you read it
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as a mathematical expression, 1523 - 1585 = -62. 6 + 2 = 8 = 5 + 3. There's
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that 5 and that 3 again. Aww yeah. Also, 1 + 5 + 2 + 3 + 1 + 5 + 8 + 5 = 30.
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This, of course, is important because 30 = 5 * 6 = (5 + 5 + 5) * 2.
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-> OTHER NEWS <-
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Umm, there's not really any other news right now. No one has declared war on
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us. We still serve very little (if any) purpose. And we still are the NUMBER
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ONE DISTRIBUTOR OF CRAP, WORLDWIDE. Face it, you can't step to our crap.
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-> SUBMISSION INFORMATION <-
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If you have ANYTHING to submit to GwD (artwork, text, outlandish claims, etc.),
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DO NOT HESITATE to send it our way. "submit@GREENY.org" is there for you, baby.
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Work must be 100% original and it must be understood that once submitted,
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articles/artwork/photographs become the property of GwD, Inc. (unless they have
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been previously published elsewhere) and we can use them however we see fit,
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even if it's merely to make fun of them (and you).
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-> LETTERS TO THE EDITOR <-
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[All spelling/grammar errors are those of the author(s) and are not errors on
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the part of GwD, cuz, well, we're perfect. Yeah.]
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-----
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Date: Fri, 4 Dec 1998 00:30:04 -0700 (MST)
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From: mea culpa <jericho@dimensional.com>
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To: "GwD, Inc." <GwD@GREENY.org>
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Subject: Re: last e-mail...
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X-NoSpam: Pursuant to US Code; Title 47; Chapter 5; Subchapter II; 227
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X-NoSpam: any and all nonsolicited commercial E-mail sent to this address
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X-NoSpam: is subject to a download and archival fee in the amount of $500 US.
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X-NoSpam: E-mailing to this address denotes acceptance of these terms.
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X-Copyright: This e-mail copyright 1998 by jericho@dimensional.com
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Congrats on making it 5 years.
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Just think.. a couple thousand other zines have come and go in the time since
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you started.
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mea_culpa
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www.attrition.org
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-----
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Date: Tue, 08 Dec 1998 10:49:48 -0600
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From: "Some Guy You Don't Know" <lobstar@earthlink.net>
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To: submit@GREENY.org
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Subject:
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Dear You,
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How are you? I am fine. Let me introduce myself. My name is Hemorrhoy Rogers
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of the band BIG POO GENERATOR. I enjoyed visiting your site and found it very
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COOOL. I was wondering if you would give BIG POO GENERATOR a hand and write
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something bad about us. It would really help us out if you would say that we
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suck or something like that. To find out how bad we suck go visit the BIG POO
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GENERATOR Home Page! Deep down in my stomach I have a strange feeling that
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you're going to like it or hate it a lot. It features happy music by BIG POO
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GENERATOR as well as thrilling stories, informative information on guns, and
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pictures of food and dogs! It is here:
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http://home.earthlink.net/~lobstar
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We swear that you'll twist a bowel from screaming in glee at songs like "Monkey
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Madness," "I'm Gonna Kick Myself in the Balls," "Kid Headly: The Dog with the
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Enormous Head," and "I Wanna Eat That Stuff There NOW!" The sound files are
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being constantly updated - so hurry up and hurry back!
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* * * WE GUARANTEE THAT YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD MUSIC LIKE THIS (UNLESS YOU'VE
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HEARD FRANK SINATRA OR THE ROLLING STONES OR SOME COMMERCIAL I SAW YESTERDAY)!
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JUST LISTEN TO ONE SONG AND TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT OR RUN TO THE BATHROOM! * * *
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Please check it out, and, if you want, write a bad review of our music OR post
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some of our tunes on your site OR include the site on any links list you have OR
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simply tell your parents. I, Hemorrhoy Rogers, give my personal assurance that
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BIG POO GENERATOR will ROCK YOUR WORLD, or BIG POO GENERATOR will ROCK YOUR
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DOG'S WORLD!!!
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Very sincerely,
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Hemorrhoy Rogers
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lobstar@earthlink.net
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[Hemorrhoy: we'll be in touch about a review and/or interview and posting your
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stuff on our site...Sorry we haven't replied yet...the struggle for world
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Domination takes more and more effort of late and we don't always have time to
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do the things we want to do, like promote our status as a global media
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conglomerate.]
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-----
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Date: Tue, 19 Jan 1999 06:51:36 -0400 (EDT)
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From: "hdghg145@hotmail.com" <hdghg145@hotmail.com>
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To: gwd@GREENY.org
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Subject: FREE MEMBERSHIPS BEST OF THE WORLDS BEST XXXX ADULT SITES !!!
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THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORLD'S BEST PORN SITE !!
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YOU WANT IT ..... WE GOT IT .... ALL HERE - E V E R Y T H I N G !!
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YOU ARE ONLY 10 SECONDS AWAY FROM
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WE SURE HOPE YOU ARE CUMMING TO SEE US!
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http://www.freeyellow.com/members6/akaxabxx/index.html
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[Apparently, we "won" this free porn access, so *we* are sharing it with *YOU*.]
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-----
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~~~~~
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-*- Dr00gan New Year is June 10. Celebrate, or suffer the consequences. -*-
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CONTACT:
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The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Inc.
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http://www.GREENY.org/
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Pubs - http://gwd.mit.edu/ - Pubs
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ftp://ftp.GREENY.org/gwd/
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gwd@GREENY.org
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P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas - 79490
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- for moral, ethical, spiritual, and financial guidance -
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The GwD Task Force, Inc. - Bringing YOU All the Best in Absolute Crap Since 1993
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by Lobo Licious - copyright (c) MCMXCIX GwD, Inc. ***** release date = 05-25-99
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-*- GwD - "God, we're Dorks." - GwD -*- GwDN11
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