152 lines
9.0 KiB
Plaintext
152 lines
9.0 KiB
Plaintext
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
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T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e ,
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I n c o r p o r a t e d
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Presents:
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__ __ 55555555555 999999999
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_____ ____ _| |__| |_ 55 9999 9999
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// | \ |_ __ _| 55 999 999
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|| ____ | || | | | | | 5555555555 9999 9999
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|| || \ / | || | _| |__| |_ 555 9999999999
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\\___// \/\/ |____/ |_ __ _| 555 999
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|__| |__| 55 555 999
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555555555 999
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"The Deluded Ravings of a Madman" by The Mad Screamer
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----- GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime ***** Issue #59 -----
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----- release date: 03-17-98 -----
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The press can't seem to get their stories right about SGP
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(SkankyGwynethPaltrow). They can't decide who to link her to romantically --
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Matt Damon or Ben Affleck -- which is just another indication that everybody is
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getting snowed. In any case, in regards to MD, I couldn't give two shits and a
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rip roaring rats ass about MD. That little "pretty boy" -- and I do emphasize
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the "quotes" around him. . . because if he is pretty, my rosy red ass is a
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bajo! He looks like what shows up on the Charmin after I wipe my ass. He's got
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a deformed looking face -- like he never made it out of puberty. His nose
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doesn't fit his right eye, which is -- like -- a different size than his left
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eye, which doesn't fit his mouth and chin, which obviously have been chopped on
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by Edward Scissorhands.
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Plus, and perhaps most offensive of all, is the fact that he's got an orgy of
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black moles all over his face, neck, and body -- that's why he and Minnie Driver
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made such a great couple -- together they had a whole army of moles -- enough to
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take Rome after a six month seige.
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Oh, and isn't it all so fucking cute how the media thinks it's so damn darling
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that he dates his costars and dumps them the instant the director calls "wrap!"
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And while we're on that subject, I have posed the theory that he is stupid at
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FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON levels and probably a sexual deviant by the sexual company
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he keeps. Check out who he's been associated with in the past year:
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Claire Danes -- who is so dog-ass ugly now that I will not watch her in anymore
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movies because every time someone says her name, I think of a random real-life
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photo she was in for PREMIERE's feature on THE SHITMAKER last nov. - that
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literally made me want to vomit the first time I saw it. She looked so hideous
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that I did not recognize her until I read the caption and going even a step
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further, I am ashamed to say that if someone (Matt Damon's publicist, say)
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shoved a pistol in my mouth and said, "You have to choose: Claire Danes or the
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Kracken that Aarom performed sexual favors on, davors so perverse that I feel I
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can't discuss it," I would never think twice about choosing the Kracken. (Now
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I'm going to have to go take a shit to purge myself of these horrific
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impurities).
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Minnie Driver: a bigger whore than MD, although probably a better actor (and
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that's not saying much because I want to put a bullet in Minnie Driver's head
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every time she acts -- with the exception of GROSSE POINT BLANK, of course).
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She fucked JCusack on GPB, Christian Slater on the FLOOD (now HARD RAIN) --
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which incidentally -- I hope she now has a scorching case of herpes because
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rumor is that CSlator has a bad flaming case of it -- that's what Howard Stern
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said, anyway, last summer. Now let's suppose for a moment that she sucked
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Slater's dick, ok, and she gets a scorching case of lip sore-like herpes
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symplex-5 outbreak on her face, dare I say that that would be an immediate and
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violent improvement in her looks. MDriver has the face shape of an alien and
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the skin quality of a hornytoad. She looks like she has scales on her face and
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arms, only they are of the wanna-be chameleon variety because they accentuate
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her vast stellar array of moles. Anyway, I'm actually fairly disappointed that
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MD broke up with her after GOODWILLBULLSHIT because if they had propagated,
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their child would look like a disfigured Lizard King and could be donated to
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science for testing.
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SGP: I'm not going there. I've covered that ground before in far more
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effective ways than this present rampage, so i'll let her go except to say that
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she is by far the most vile and disgusting of these three. She makes Claire
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Danes look like Elizabeth Hurley. I would rather cut off my dick than even
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think about having sex with her. Besides, she looks like a sack of bones that
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fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch one the way down, where, upon
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impact, she was pulverized by an army of ugly stick-wielding mercenaries beating
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her senseless enough to date someone as sickeningly ugly as Brad Pitt in his
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face before a meteor fell from the sky and smashed her into the ground, damning
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her to look like one of the resurrected corpses from EVIL DEAD. I'm terrified
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that I'll actually meet SGP one day because if I do, I know that I won't be able
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to refrain from blurting out, "So who did the special effects for your face?
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That look is worthy of a traveling carnival."
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So to sum up, clearly any man who could nail half the beautiful women in America
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and chooses not one, but all of those three degenerate pigs is borderline
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psychotic in his sexual deviance and just plain foolish.
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And I just realized that after all this talking, I haven't even touched upon
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what I think of Matt Damon. Well, that'll just have to wait for another tirade
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because i'm tired and want to go to sleep.
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-The Mad Screamer (a.k.a. "The Great American Drugstore")
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-----
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ADDENDUM:
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Anyone who doubts the ravings of the Madman can go fuck themselves. Check out
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what was in the news today:
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Damon Dumped Driver
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- NEW YORK (Reuters) - Matt Damon is one of the hottest young actors in
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Hollywood but the New York Post says he has a lot to learn about handling
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romantic relationships. The newspaper says Minnie Driver, Damon's co-star in
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"Good Will Hunting," found out that she was being dropped as his girlfriend when
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he announced it on "Oprah." The Post says Damon was asked if he had a
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girlfriend and responded with a "no." The Post says a few days later Damon and
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Driver were both at the Golden Globe awards and that she broke down in tears
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during the night. Nonetheless, a Driver representative says she and Damon are
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still "good friends."
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[The above rant is the work of The Mad Screamer, who is solely responsible for
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its content. The Mad Screamer is, however, very knowledgeable about the world
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of Hollywood and film. The rant does not necessarily reflect the views of the
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staff nor the editorship of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime,"
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its publishing company, GwD,Inc., or any subsidiary or affiliate thereof. That
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is not to say that it definitely does not reflect the vies of any of the
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aforementioned - it merely does not NECESSARILY reflect their views. This work
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was, however, translated into Spanish under direct orders from Fidel Castro to
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be broadcast as a voice-over for an entertainment segment on Cuban television.]
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-----------------------------<GwD Command Centers>------------------------------
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www =-= http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/index.html (The GwD WebSite)
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http://solice.iglobal.net/chaos/ (Chaos, the Web-BBS)
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http://www.snakeden.org/ (The Snake's Den)
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ftp -=- gwd.snakeden.org /pub/GwD/
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ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Greeny/
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ftp.dto.net /pub/zines/gwd/
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telnet =-= solice.iglobal.net (Chaos, the real BBS)
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bbs.snakeden.org (log-on to da Den!)
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e-mail -=- gwd@geocities.com (Subj: subscribe GwD)
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BBS =-= The Snake's Den - (806)793-3779 -- damn right it's still dial-in
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* GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 *
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the
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extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children
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smart." - H.L. Mencken
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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-+- F Y M -+-
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GR33NY LIK3S mash3d p0tat03s
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/---------------\
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copyright (c) MCMXCVIII by The Mad Screamer/GwD, Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
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GwD Task Force copyright (c) MCMXCIII by Lobo Licious : GwD :
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All rights reserved \---------------/
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GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD59
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