142 lines
7.7 KiB
Plaintext
142 lines
7.7 KiB
Plaintext
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w _____ ____ 1 4 4 "On Social Stigmata: w
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D // | \ 11 44 44 Jesus, Magic, and Ciacco the Hog" D
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* || ____ | || | 1 444 444 by Dr. Dr. Otis, M.D. *
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G || || \ / | || | 1 4 4 issue #144 of _GwD: The American Dream G
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w \\___// \/\/ |____/ 111 4 4 with a Twist -- of Lime_ * rel 05/05/05 w
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D D
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GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
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*** ABSTRACT ***
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In this treatise, I will examine the growing phenomenon known as Social
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Stigmata. Our fellow dr00g, Ciacco the Hog, suffered a severe bout of Social
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Stigmata recently, so it seems timely to investigate social Stigmata now.
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This treatise is unique in the literature. Despite an exhaustive search, I
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have been unable to find any legitimate research into this topic. The basics
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of Social Stigmata are discussed, conclusions are drawn, and a case study is
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provided in an effort to explain actions that can be taken to alleviate the
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effects of the disorder.
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*** KEYWORDS ***
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Stigmata; social setting; social situation; blood; bleeding; gut;
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psychobabble; anxiety; social anxiety disorder; drugs; wounds of Christ;
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crucifixion; cruci-fiction; dr00gscience; pseudo-science; religious
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manifestations in public places
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*** INTRODUCTION ***
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Despite vigorous research on the topic, I have been unable to uncover even one
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article in the literature that discusses Social Stigmata of this sort. There
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are a multitude of references to "social stigmata" (note the lowercase "s"),
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but this is merely because the plural of "stigma" is "stigmata," and the
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definitions of "social stigma" are well established in the literature (1-3 and
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many others). In this article, I will discuss Social Stigmata (capital "S"),
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referring to The Stigmata.
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*** BACKGROUND ***
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The Stigmata are the wounds that the Romans made when they allegedly pounded
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nails into the hands and feet of Jesus of Nazareth (5). Also included as
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Stigmata are the wounds to the head, back, and side that were allegedly
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suffered by the aforementioned Nazarene from a crown of thorns, lashing, and
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a spear. Thus, The Stigmata are not just any old garden-variety "stigmata;"
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They are Worthy Of Capitalization because They relate to the one that is
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called I Am.
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Incidentally, The Stigmata have been referenced in popular culture (6-7 and
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many others that are less-worthy of mention here; and you know that they then
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must be pretty crappy...the Ministry song is decent, but the movie is
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forgettable and little more than a 2 hour music video).
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Social Stigmata occur when someone experiences The Stigmata in a social
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setting. Not just this, actually, but when the social setting brings on The
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Stigmata. Whereas the standard introvert will merely sweat when forced to
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interact with people at a party, the Social Stigmatic will begin to bleed
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from his/her hands, feet, head, back, and side. As a result of this bleeding,
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people usually recoil from the Social Stigmatic with equal parts horror and
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disgust. Then, other party-goers summon a large, ogreish fellow named Rocco
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to eject the Social Stigmatic from the proceedings.
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The causes of Social Stigmata are many and varied. These include:
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hemophilia, devout and irrational Christianity, listening to Linkin Park, and
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prostitutes (see this author's "Call for Legalized Prostitution" (4)). When
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you elicit the services of a prostitute, make sure that you bring some of your
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closest friends with you. Have them surround the prostitute. If she begins
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bleeding, it means one of two things: 1. she has a serious venereal disease
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or 2. she has Social Stigmata. Either way, you would be well-advised to keep
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your distance, or it could get messy.
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*** CONCLUSIONS ***
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You do not need to fear the Social Stigmatic. Sure, if the Social Stigmatic
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has AIDS, you will probably get infected and die. But look at Magic Johnson;
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he allegedly has AIDS, but you still see him strutting his stuff. Other than
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the possibility of death, what else is there to worry about? You might get
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some of his blood on your pants, but those pants are probably already stained
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by someone else's seminal fluids (after all, you're at a party when the Social
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Stigmatic reveals himself).
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*** DEALING WITH A SOCIAL STIGMATIC ***
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If you or someone you know is a Social Stigmatic, do not be alarmed. Follow
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these easy steps and all will be well. However, proceed with caution.
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1) Isolate the Social Stigmatic. C'mon, bleeding everywhere? That's just
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gross.
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2) Force the Social Stigmatic to eat large quantities of food. Social
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Stigmata can be cured by morbid obesity. Remember that, kids.
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*** CASE STUDY ***
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To depict the proper response to an outburst of Social Stigmata, consider how
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we handled Ciacco the Hog. He showed up at GwD Fest 2005 and was swarmed by
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several newly-inducted dr00gs who had grown up inspired by his masterpiece
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"Remembering Porkins" (6). Suddenly, Ciacco's hands and feet began to bleed.
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Lobo Licious and Bob the Master of the World, recognizing the signs of
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Social Stigmata from their days in psych-divinity school, parted the crowd
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and forced Ciacco to eat lots and lots of food. Ciacco began to grow calm,
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as his gut, Nigel, commanded him to calm down.
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The two imperial dr00gs continued to feed Ciacco until Nigel ruptured. While
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the rupturing was far more disgusting than his bleeding had been, at least
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Ciacco's hands and feet no longer bore The Stigmata. It should thus be noted
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that while consumption of mass quantities of food can cure (or at least
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assuage the symptoms of) Social Stigmata, it can itself have dangerous side
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effects.
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*** REFERENCES ***
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1. "Social stigma," _Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia_, 06:04 UTC, 31 March
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2005, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stigmata (25 April 2005).
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2. "Holy See calls for banishing of 'social stigma' against AIDS victims",
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Catholic News Agency World Wide Web Site, 25 November 2004,
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http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/new.php?n=2547 (25 April 2005).
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3. Ellison, M.A. and J.E. Hall, "Social stigma and compounded losses:
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quality-of-life issues for multiple-birth families," _Fertility and
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Sterility_, Volume 80, Issue 2, Pages 405-414.
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4. Dr. Dr. Otis, "Sex without Strings: A Call for Legalized Prostitution,"
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_GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime_ Issue #124,
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17 May 2002, http://www.greeny.org/media/text/gwd124.txt (25 April 2005).
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5. "Stigmata," _Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia_, 16:53 UTC, 25 April 2005,
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stigmata (25 April 2005).
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6. Ministry, "Stigmata," Perf. Ministry. _The Land of Rape and Honey_,
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Warner Brothers, 1988.
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7. _Stigmata_, dir. Rupert Wainwright, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios, 1999.
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8. Ciacco the Hog, "Remembering Porkins," _GwD: The American Dream with a
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Twist -- of Lime_ Issue #134, 10 June 2003,
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http://www.greeny.org/media/text/gwd134.txt (25 April 2005).
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--- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- --- -- - -- ---
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Issue#144 of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime" ISSN 1523-1585
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copyright (c) MMV Dr. Dr. Otis, M.D./GwD Publications /---------------\
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copyright (c) MMV GwD, Inc. All rights reserved :EAT YOUR FINGER:
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a production of The GREENY world DOMINATION Task Force, Inc. : GwD :
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Postal: GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 \---------------/
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FYM -+- http://www.GREENY.org/ - editor@GREENY.org - submit@GREENY.org -+- FYM
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