88 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
88 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
|
|
God Help Me, I Can't Breathe
|
|
----------------------------
|
|
|
|
Trapped inside my mind, gasping for air, the incessant pounding,
|
|
are the thoughts of a thousand wrongs and contemplations of decisions
|
|
made and decisions yet to be made. Moral fibers tense and tear as I feel
|
|
the fear of the unknown, my future, my past, the looming grim reaper
|
|
sitting on the back porch of my mind waiting for that one wrong move. My
|
|
chest feels tight, my muscles stiff, breaths are short and unsatisfying.
|
|
I am at this place again, a place that I fear, a place that breeds pain
|
|
and doubt.
|
|
|
|
Where is this place you ask? Surely I should tell you so you
|
|
cannot tread on this mortifying ground of pain, confusion and fear. It is
|
|
no physical place, not even a dream, it is the inner synapses of my mind
|
|
all day and night, like a textile mill, churning out the fabric of my
|
|
life, past and present.
|
|
|
|
While most days, I ignore its incessant noise, its hollow grinding
|
|
of reason and morality. But today, like some days, the churning of a thousand
|
|
thoughts and emotions becomes unbearable and makes me lose my selective
|
|
attention for that which is external. I embark past the gates of hell into
|
|
my own inner sanctum, my past, my present and the uncertain future.
|
|
|
|
Wrong decisions I have made in my life come rushing to the foreground
|
|
like the horsemen of the apocalypse, trampling my thoughts as if they were
|
|
rice paper. I am left with the shreds of "what if" and "should I have.."
|
|
dripping through my fingers. Family deaths, old relationships and
|
|
employment memories come falling down as artillery as I try and dig deeper
|
|
into my mental foxhole.
|
|
|
|
My accomplishments, correct decisions and complacency are here to
|
|
help me fight off the demons that occupy my thoughts. Soon they are victims
|
|
of the repressed emotions, thoughts and fears that have become the genie
|
|
inside this magic bottle of thought. Again I am alone.
|
|
|
|
But I am not alone, anxiety is here with me. As I feel my blood
|
|
pressure rise, I see visions of my girlfriend being raped, my family being
|
|
killed, myself dying in a horrible accident. The anger builds. I will kill
|
|
the motherfuckers responsible for this. My mind races with visions of me
|
|
murduring these invisible foes and the feelings that accompany that rage, I
|
|
try and let out a crying scream of rage, only to realize, this is all in my
|
|
mind.
|
|
|
|
Soon later I snap out from that delusion, only to be thrust into
|
|
visions of a stale career while everyone around me progresses. I am the
|
|
man to pity now. The man who has nothing, is nothing and will never be
|
|
anything. Hundreds of ambitious thoughts surge through my mind, I can
|
|
feel my legs start to run, my hands poised for work, only to find the
|
|
picture of this man is still the same, again, I try to scream only to be
|
|
silenced by my own mind.
|
|
|
|
Imagine a thousand scenarios like these, start them all at the same
|
|
time, think about them, walk around in them, have them all echoing your
|
|
screams, trapping you inside every single one while still trying to function
|
|
as a normal human being.
|
|
|
|
Welcome to my reality.
|
|
|
|
-tersIan
|
|
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
|
|
= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
|
|
= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
|
|
= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
|
|
= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
|
|
= FTP.DTO.NET /pub/zines/fuck =
|
|
= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
|
|
= WWW http://www.sekurity.org/~fuck (temp down) =
|
|
= http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
|
|
= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
|
|
= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
|
|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|
|
|
|
|