79 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
79 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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It is Okay
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Have you ever felt like nothing was going right, and nothing was going to
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be okay? Or that you just wish there was someone that would say, "It is
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okay", and have it be true?
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My life has become a very chaotic thing : Never knowing what will become of
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my day until that hour comes, and then afterwards being totally drained of
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all my energy - or being so energized I cannot find any peace of mind. My
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life has never been normal (refer to file "Normality"), it still had some
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sense of order though...until recently - when everything is almost
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constantly up in the air. Not knowing...feeling like I will never know.
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Because of this not-knowingness, my moods have been so incredibly up and
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down that I can barely stay level more then an hour - and that is when I am
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lucky.
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One minute I want to kick someone's ass in, and the next moment all I want
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to do is curl up and cry or disappear. Other times, I am so happy or hyper
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that I doubt that anything could ever bring me down ... then all of sudden,
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BOOM! Something happens in my life or something changes in my mood, and I
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feel differently.
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Most recently, I have been noticing that I have a lot of pent up anger or
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frustration. Sometimes, I wish I could just sit down and write it all
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out...but I cannot bring myself to do so, because of what I fear will come
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out. I know it would be filled with such bitterness and darkness, that it
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would send shivers up and down my spine if I were to ever read what I would
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write. So, I do not write. Instead, I find myself wondering and thinking,
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and not having a solid way to let my emotions be expressed. As the madness
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of chaos continues, I finally break down and write something out (refer to
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"Don't Give a Shit"). All I can see is what bitterness is trying to do to
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me. Or how over-worked my mind has become with everything that has been
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going on. Not wanting to let all my emotions stop, nor wanting to have to
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deal with all the emotions that come along with such a chaotic life.
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I was not okay with seeming to be bitter. It was not until I said that to
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someone, and they simply replied, "It's okay to be bitter", did I really
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get to thinking ... Really? "Being bitter, shows that you have fire within
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you.", "You have a lot of passion inside of you."
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Is fire the same as passion?
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Is it really okay to have all the different assorted thoughts that I go
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through in an hour, a day, a week? I remember someone told me once, I
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cannot help how I feel, just what I do with those feelings. Looking at
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things that way, then yes, it IS okay.
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- Kamira
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April 13, 1998
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kami@sekurity.org
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www.sekurity.org/~kamira
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.DTO.NET /pub/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW *** http://www.sekurity.org/~fuck *** =
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= http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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