189 lines
8.6 KiB
Plaintext
189 lines
8.6 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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With Loose Ends - Tied Up
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After All
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~~~~~~~~~
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Sitting down at my computer, and staring at the DOS prompt, entering into
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EDIT, the ideas that have been floating around in my head, begin to pour out
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on the screen infront of me. Some of those ideas evolve into articles,
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poems, or stories, which I will share, some I will hide, and others that
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become published either in F.U.C.K. or various other things. Then there
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are some ideas that only go so far, and then I draw a blank ... and hit a
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dead end. I always say I am going to go back to them, but then whenever I
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do, I have yet to be able to finish, because my train of thought, from that
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moment is gone.
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So, instead of just deleting countless ideas, that which could possibly spark
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someone else's mind into writing something grander, I have decided to share
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them, in hopes that perhaps even if you could not finish what I started, that
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maybe it would give you an idea of where to start. Because, sometimes if you
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have a place to start, the rest comes naturally.
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Before I Walk on Fire
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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"Before I Walk on Fire", is a song by Sophie B. Hawkins.
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Listening to this song earlier today, I got to thinking, not only about her
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lyrics, but what I would want to say before I would walk on fire.
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Belief
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~~~~~~
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"What belief are you?"
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"What do you believe in?"
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"Do you pray?"
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"Do you believe in God?"
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These are all questions that I am sure we have asked others, or others have
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asked us, at one time or another. However, it in thinking about these
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questions I have come to realize that if you DO believe in anything, you DO
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pray, you DO believe in God, or whatever you DO believe in, no one should
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have to ask you if you do or not, because it should be that evident.
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No matter what your beliefs are, whether or not you practice a religion or
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spiritual aspect, you should never have to be asked what it is, because you
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should be living proof of it.
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November 13th, 1997
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The Last Fire
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Starting with a spark, from the first harsh word that we speak, a fire begins
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to burn, within us, and within a place that we will only see once we are
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no longer residing on this planet.
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A fire that starts with hatred, and ends with emptiness and bitterness.
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Musical Soul
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Thoughts fill my mind as if a tidal wave was hitting the shoreline. A zillon
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and one odds, possibilites, and opportunities I wrestle with as they go
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through my head. Too much to think about coherently, and too little time
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not to think at all. An outlet needs to be found, and instead of meditating
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or shooting hoops, I put in a cd or a tape, and turn up the volume. Letting
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the music carry my thoughts away like the sunshine can dry up the rain,
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after a storm.
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Hearing the music, and feeling it enter into my body, my mind, my soul begins
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to stir, and new thoughts that don't overwhelm me, and realiziatons that free
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me, are the result.
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Spinning around, with my arms up in the air, or my leg and standing still ...
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the music begins to soothe my spirit, and my soul is flying. As the music
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notes go up into the air, so the very things that had me nearly overwhelmed
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completely.
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Supposedly, everyone has an outlet that works best for them. Some never
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find theirs, and others have a few, but usually there is one that works
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best - above all else. And, sometimes those outlets change. As far as I can
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remember though, no matter what my outlet has been, music has been a huge
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part of it. So much that at times I shudder to think if I'd ever have to
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live without music, I would not be able to survive.
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Music is found everywhere. From the music groups and artists on radios, tv,
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and cds/tapes to the music that mother nature made ... all of it has a rythem
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and a ryhme.
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Squeezing Upside Down
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Working out to my Patti Rothberg CD, I am laying on my back, with my legs up
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above my head, as I bring my knees to my forehead, I notice I can stretch
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further, as I do so, I find my knees on either side of my head, I squeeze as
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a question floats through my mind "Why am I the way I am?".
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Because of certain things that I have been through, they have shaped my life,
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my views, my opinions, and my outlook.
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Then and Now
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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When little boys and girls use to play together, all you had to worry about
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was the other little boys and girls teasing you about having 'girl germs' or
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'boy germs'. As you get older though, and continue to hang out with the
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guys or the girls, you have to worry 's/he likes me' and 's/he does not like
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me' or things of that nature.
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When you are older, it is not the same as when you are younger. Hanging out
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and having fun, racing cars, and shooting hoops become more then just
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'friends' hanging out together, people start to think that you must be
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'together'. Girls and guys hanging out all the time, must be more then
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friends because when you spend that much time together, things must be more
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advanced then just paltonic friends.
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When you are older, and you call up a guy friend to hang out, and you do,
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and he makes the move, to make it more then friends, things are never quite
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the same again. Because, he changed it, and you changed it. So, it gets
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more difficult to just call them up, and ask to go out to a movie, or hang
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out and race cars, and shoot some hoops.
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Society makes it so, if you spend a few nights a week with a certain person
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you must be more then friends ... when you really may just be friends. But,
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no one would look at it that way, except maybe the two of you.
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Last night, I would have called a couple of my guy friends, to see if we
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could hang out together. It was night, when I just wanted to get out of
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the house, and have some fun. Picking up the phone, and beginning to dial
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their number, I dropped the phone remembering one of them hitting on me a
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couple of weeks ago at one of my parties. Setting the phone down, I walk
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over and crank up the radio, not liking any of the songs, I put in my Nine
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Inch Nails, Pretty Hate Machine CD, and crank the stereo as loud as it can
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go, until the music literally vibrates through my body.
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Who has made things the way things are now, different from back then? Is it
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something we do, to ourselves, as we become more aware of horomones and human
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instincts? Or is it something, the elders of this society somehow sneak into
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our subconcioucness while we sleep and grow up? Why does it have to stay
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that way? And, why are we just accepting this is the way things are now
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and that is how things were back then?
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Then and now. Why?
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~~~
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Perhaps this has meant nothing to you, except unfinished or incomplete
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beginnings, or maybe it helped you think of something - which if it did, then
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I have done what I have wanted to do, and I hope you now do what you need to
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do.
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Finishing the year, with loose ends - tied up.
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-Kamira
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December 26th, 1997
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kami@sekurity.org
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www.sekurity.org/~kamira
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
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= http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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