91 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
91 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Four Years
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Its been a long time since Ive written anything down of this nature, I
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guess the time has come to let it flow.
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Four years...
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Four years of being numb.
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Four years of hatred, depression, solitude, emptyness, and aggression.
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Bottled and some how waiting in hopes that some day it will all 'taste
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better'.
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Watching myself rot before my own eyes has not been an easy task. Every
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time an ounce of emotion threatens to surface I force my self to swallow
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it down back into the bottle.
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I've grown use to the pain where the bottle lies in the pitt of my stomache.
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I've learned how to harness its power. The jagged edges that cut me day in
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and day out are the only thing that lets me know Im still alive.
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I sit in a dark and hatefilled world that I damned myself too for a long
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time to come. My brain screams out for information to fill the void where
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emotions should lie. 'Knowing' is my only strength, ignorance my pitfall.
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"Through insanity I will reach clarity in myself"
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The reason I write this file is not for pity, attention, or a cry for help.
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Im simply beyond it. I write this in hopes that maybe some one out there
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will read it before getting to the same mental/emotional state.
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Thier are many paths you have to take to get to this state of your own
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hell. And the main highway that will take you there is by not expressing
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the way you feel. The media, educational system, law enforcement agencies,
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parents, and some friends will all tell you its wrong to show weakness or
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emotions. And the minute you do the will kick you for it. But if you dont
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your kicking yourself.
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Maybe a significant other[s] screwed you over. Maybe your parents failed
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you some how by not being there for half your life or not 'understanding'
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the way you think and feel. Some teacher might of told you that you would
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never amount to anything. A friend might of stabbed you in the back over
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and over again. Hell maybe some idiot kicked your ass in school for just
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being you. You dont have to sit there and keep it all bottled up inside,
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dooming yourself to end up on a tower with a high powered rifle or in a
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room with a razor blade.
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Get up go outside and scream at the top of your lungs. Find a punching
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bag/wall/the person who kicked your ass, and let it all fly out. Go up to
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the person that hurt you and tell em off. Get a job and rub it in your
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teachers face that your making more a year then she/he is. Go beige box
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your nieghbors pad and call the psychic hotline just to talk to someone
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if you have to. JUST BRAKE SHIT! Because if you dont your going to end up
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alone, pissed, and confused. After awhile you wont even know how you got
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that way.
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The last couple of weeks has been hell. I finally started to let the bottle
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drain. I still have a long way to go before Ill be back to who I was. Its
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sorta scary to know I let myself slip this way, and that I dont know who
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I am anymore. Maybe Im scared of what I'll find. What I do know is I'll
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never let a person or event hurt me for more then that moment in time.
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Untill then I have my solitude, depression, and ignorance to get me by...
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at least I know where Im at. Do you?
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"Its never hard, its never easy, it just is..."
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-pill
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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