110 lines
5.4 KiB
Plaintext
110 lines
5.4 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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The Past Revisited
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I haven't done this in quite awhile.
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Things have changed so much in the last month. The girl
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I wanted so badly to like me in return does, yet I am not
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satisfied. The girl I was so marvelously infatuated with
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does not even bring a smile to my face any longer. I don't
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really seem to need any female support to keep me upright.
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Seems like these days I feel like I'm fading away.
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Maybe I am afraid that I don't want to develop a relationship
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with someone I really care about because I will lose them
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next year when I attend Western Reserve Academy. It really
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is quite scary. I'll be separated from everyone and everything
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that I love. I don't know why that scares me so much. I
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really don't care about too many people.
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I feel like a shadow in my own world. Relationships that
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used to prosper are down in the doldrums. Girlfriends of
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the former have gone straight, renounced their cyberpunk
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garb. They have became the uniform straights that inherit
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the Earth. I spoke with them today. I was nearly overwhelmed
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by the immensity of their minds that had been shattered and
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disillusioned by perhaps the commercialism or perhaps the
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competition that has arisen on the Internet. It's just all
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a dark cloud of evil and betrayal, lies, and corporate denial.
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I lost someone else that I very much enjoyed my friendship
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with for another stupid error. Just had to use my idiocy to
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break up another great relationship. Had to insult one of
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those whose personality I very much enjoyed, and whom hates
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my guts savagely now. Not much I can do about it. There
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probably is, I'm just too lazy. Maybe.
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I just spoke to my grandfather that lives out in Colorado.
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I tried to humor him a bit. Sometimes I feel that elders
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of the society feel a bit downtrodden and downcast in
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today's world of technology and information. The gods and
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contemporary values that they modeled their lives after
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are by day being destructed by the malefactors of society.
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Sometimes I wish I lived in a simple era. Something like
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the thirties. Maybe the economy was slow, but the heartbreak
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and turmoil in lives was so much less. I'm not sure how I
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know this. I'm not sure really.. about anything.
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Leave me alone. That's what I want to say alot of
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the time to everyone. I wake up and I'm fucking tired.
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But I drag myself out of a hellacious nights sleep and
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throw myself into some clothes and make a dash out of
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the door trying to make it to the clang of a bell. I'm
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a trained negro, in the words of Ice Cube. And hell, I'm
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not even black. I guess I am special.
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I also understand that I have accomplished much. I
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see that I have had many things to be proud of this
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year. Constantly I try to renew my interests in a variety
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of subjects and to keep abreast of developments that are
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under way in all aspects of my life. I invested in a book
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on organizing my personal life. Works pretty well. Seems
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like it'd work. Lots of things seem that way. It'll take
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time to put the theory into practice. Proactivity is a
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tough course to take, and tougher one to pass.
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"She's tired and lonely, scared and depressed." Yup.
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She keeps losing the one's she loved too. I remember
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the days the two of us were together. But now it seems
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like every tie I had to her is severed and lost in the
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cybernetic void that is the Internet. Her boyfriend is
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being investigated, seems like he's taking the path of
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outlawish tactics, much like the others she so cleverly
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manipulated into loving her. She still brings a smile
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to my face.
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This girl that likes me says she is going to commit
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suicide. She has the perfect life. I tell her she is
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fucking stupid. Maybe I contribute to her apathy for
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herself. I don't even care.
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I want to go back to the way things were but I want to
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go on as well. I want to put the skeletons of the former
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me far away. Never to be found.
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I'm glad I got this out.
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-dropcomm
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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= Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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