94 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
94 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Love in Vein
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hi. You might remember my whiny FUCK file from a while back in which I
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wrote about a woman I loved but who turned out to be Queen Bitch of the
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Universe. I can recall feelings of nervousness mixed with abject fear,
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self-pity, and low self-esteem in the days before I opened up to her. I
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was so nauseous that I couldn't eat for literally days at a time. In
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short, I had a major depressive episode -- all before I even talked to
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her. This came about mainly because I knew her well, had known her for
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years, and didn't want to jeopardize the friendship (which, as it
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happens, meant more to me than it did to her). When I did open up to
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her, I found that my fears were true -- she didn't feel the same way.
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Additionally, she ended the friendship not long after when I made the
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mistake of mailing her a letter; she was paranoid (this observation was
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made by people other than myself, so no clouded judgment here :) and
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believed I was stalking her, so she threatened to file harassment
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charges if I ever contacted her again. So I stepped back and
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re-evaluated her as a potential partner, and discovered that she was, in
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fact, nowhere near what I think I want in a woman.
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This all occurred before last November. I've been feeling like shit over
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it for almost the entire time, but no more. Now I truly understand the
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meaning of such cliches as, "there are plenty of fish in the sea" and,
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"the worst thing she can do is say no" (not true in my case, but...). A
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few months ago I asked my shrink (don't ask) how a person like me who
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doesn't drink can meet people. She couldn't come up with any quick
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suggestions, but I think I've found a nice solution. A couple of weeks
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ago, Disorder took me and some TACD & PLA doodz to a dance club, where I
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saw perfect strangers dancing and hanging out together after exchanging
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a few words. As this was my first time in a club, I was amazed. The
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music was great and the women were great looking. Thanks to Dis, I've
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found a way to meet people without fear of rejection (if one doesn't
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want to dance, hey, I'll move on to the next :).
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By a nice coincidence, the club Dis introduced me to was the one which a
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friend of mine had told me I should go to. This was back in December,
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when I was still feeling like shit over the last woman, so it didn't
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occur to me that when my friend said, out of the blue, "why don't you
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ever go to the Wreck Room?" -- and then told me I should go sometime --
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that she may have been asking me to go with her. Earlier this week she
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and I flirted a bit...when I told her we went on a Saturday, she said
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that I should go on Sunday instead, as that's when she's there. After
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she said this several times, I responded that she would have to take me
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there sometime and teach me to dance. We dropped it there, but she
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smiled at me the rest of the day. As it happens, I chickened out on
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asking her to go this weekend, but I think I'll show up anyway and dance
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with her if she's there.
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Since Dis is probably sick of getting rambling, abstract submissions
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from me, I'll try to get a moral in here. For those of you who, like
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myself, have never had a long-lasting or serious relationship (my
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brother, who is gay, has had more girlfriends than I have. Digest that
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one), I would advise you to not fixate on one person. As stupid as it
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sounds, there ARE plenty of fish in the sea. I worried about getting one
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woman so much that it became the only goal in my life (but not so much
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that I stalked and killed her *<coughOJcough*>), and that's what fucked
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me up so much when I talked to her. With this one I think I can
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truthfully say that it will be no great loss if she doesn't go for me.
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There were several fish at the club on Saturday. Comparatively speaking,
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though, she's a far better match for me than the last one (who was a
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Catholic (I hate religion), a heavy drinker, and not particularly
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smart). This may sound like I'm dumping on her, but those are the facts
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that I couldn't see while I was blinded by the love in my blood.
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I'm making a fresh start this weekend. Wish me luck.
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-Legion
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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