94 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
94 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Can't Fight the Seether
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Blood curdling madness. Then helplessness. Then revenge.
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That's my thesis.
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Sitting in class, feet up on the desk...letting my mind seethe.
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Thoughts keep drifting back to my own private madness. Every time I get
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to thinking about it, my anger is refreshed. I sit there just staring
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off into space, occasionally crash-landing back into reality, and tuning
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out and seeing red again.
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OK, you're wondering what the hell I'm so pissed about. Well
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this file began as a result of someone invading my privacy. By "invasion
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of privacy," I mean that my eMails are being read and my files are
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disappearing, then reappearing. Also, my password happens to come up as
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invalid at irregular intervals. At first I thought my ISP was to blame. I
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don't know what I think of this. Half of me is impressed. Impressed that
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anyone would bother taking the time to annoy me. Impressed that my account
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has been haxored. A silly thing to be impressed with, yes, but...I was.
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The other half of me was m a d. Mad because I could not dial-up, check
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the mail, play in unix, or practice writing and compiling more c0des (I'm
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learning C++; that is equivalent to another women driver). It was taking
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my baby from me. But I was stung most by the fact that mail I sent was no
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longer private. Excerpts from letters I wrote could be stolen and show up
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anywhere. Things I said could be twisted around and come back to haunt
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me. The main thing I phear about having my mail read is somebody might
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figure me out after reading them. I am stubborn about giving people the
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chance to get to know "the real me." Recently, someone said:
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"It is very difficult to sort through all the layers of
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reality that aren't really reality to get to the real
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Skinflower. And you never know when you're at the
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center of the Tootsie Roll Pop. Each layer of reality
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looks just as real as the last. And they are all so
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very unreal."
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I thought it was a great analogy; comparing me to a Tootsie Roll Pop, heh.
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I should just shut up about it, since seemingly harmless pranks like these
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are expected from the g33ks in the scene. But I'm femme, and I won't shut
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up.
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My initial reaction was fear. Don't ask why - I thought I had
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eliminated that emotion ("i'm baaack..."). My heart pounded momentarily.
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But only momentarily; the next minute I wanted to choke something. My dog
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was nearest so I choked her (just kidding, just kidding!). My mind was
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racing though. Damn it, I was in a position where I couldn't do anything.
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Hmmm...I don't think I am too good at expressing my thoughts. I listen to
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music pretty much most of the day. Sitting at the computer most of my life
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(or so it seems), with a plethora of industrial bands pounding their music
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inside me. So, to better express myself, I can say I thought screeching
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keyboards and the beat of a drum machine looping at 10,000 beats per second
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("kill kill kill").
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A couple days and a hundred rejected ideas later, I have resigned to
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the fact that somebody was able to ruffle my feathers (er, petals). :) I'm
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much more subdued about the situation, but it is nowhere near forgotten.
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I've almost gotten over the initial rage; I can joke sarcastically about
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it. With my wry smile and icy eyes, I find comfort in pushing myself
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along at maximum speed towards my goal: revenge. I always get revenge.
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Sometimes the opportunity falls into my lap, other times I have to play it
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like a chess game ("time to pay the piper..."). I don't put up with any
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kind of shit. So I'm biding my time thinking skippy little bass beats and
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ambient guitar.
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But my mind never sleeps, and, snakelike, I will strike when I know
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I have a dead-sure shot. I am not all-consumed with revenge; I have a
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life to live and will go on with it full force. But what goes around comes
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around baby......
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- SkiNFloweR
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
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= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
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= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
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= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU/pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
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= http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ =
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= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
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