174 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
174 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Fucked Beyond Repair
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Back in my second year of college (1989) I had a dreadful (though somewhat
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funny) experience of literally shitting in my pants. The actual action
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embarrassed me but the psychological effects were incomprehensible.
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I was reading "zines" back in 1989/1990 on a regular basis. A zine called
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"Hippycore" (issue #7) had a story by Johnny Amiable about having to take a
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shit and not being able to find a place. The story happily concluded with
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Johnny having to buy a candy bar in order to use the gas station's
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restroom. There was no shitting in ones pants and no adverse psychological
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effects mentioned. After my dreadful experience I wrote a watered down
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version of my story for "Hippycore" but never submitted it. So for you
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lucky readers I am including the full version of FBR.
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Dinner time was approaching with a bit of uncertainty. I was in my dorm
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unsure whether I would eat by myself or go out with my roommates and our
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mutual friends. I decided to eat with my roommate and our pals. We
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traversed to the local on campus cafe (Hume Hall "all you can eat"
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Cafeteria) about three quarters of a mile from our dorm area. When going
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places I usually ride my bike to speed things up but since everyone else
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was walking I decided to walk too(big mistake). We got to the cafeteria
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(called Hume Rock but I like to call it Shit Rock-for obvious reasons) and
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dished out $4.50 for an all you can eat dinner. I loaded my plate with a
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variety of items, even a salad, and took a seat with my pals. Things were
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going great, at least for the time being.
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After siphoning down as much as possible I sat and loitered (ugh) with my
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pals for about a half hour. Before I go on I would like to say that I'm
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not much into "idle chat" and loitering around the restaurant after I have
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finished. Perhaps, it is because of this incident that I am this way.
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However, I try to think I'm over that now and just hate wasting time. So,
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after getting sick of listening to everyone else's bullshit for thirty
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minutes I suggested we go. After awhile we did.
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As we were leaving I felt an urge to take a shit (i.e. my stomach was a bit
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upset) but nothing that couldn't wait ten to fifteen minutes which the walk
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home would take. I could survive.
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During this walk I realized how slow time could pass. Most of my days seem
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to go by so quickly I forget them but this walk, these ten minutes, I was
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conscious of every second. Me and four other guys were heading back-no
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problems.
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About a quarter of the way home I had the "feeling" of needing to release.
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The "feeling" is the first of the three stages of shitting in my opinion.
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The three stages might be considered 1) sensation or "feeling", 2)
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increased "feeling," pulsation of anus, 3) the actual dumping of the feces
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with the possibility of pain, pulsating, "feeling," and embarrassment all
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at the same time.
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At the halfway mark I knew I needed to find a bathroom and quick. My mind
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had been made up for me-I was not going to last another 7 minutes. Each
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second seemed like an eternity. We were crossing the campus and it was
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around six or seven in the evening. There were dorms as well as classrooms
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mixed around. Most dorm areas were locked and at this time some campus
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buildings were also locked. Risking going in a building not knowing where
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a bathroom would be was definitely not a good idea. I asked a friend where
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the closest bathroom was and he didn't know-great I thought. I knew I was
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in deep shit then (literally). We were still walking and I was feeling the
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seconds tick by-every step was a struggle. Then stage two-pulsation--
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kicked in and I realized I was in for a long walk back to my dorm room. I
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figure I had about three minutes left in the walk, hell that wasn't long at
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all, I knew I could make it. I keep thinking I could try the next building
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as I passed them. It was a gamble because each building was out of my path
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home and I did not know where a bathroom could be found in any of them. It
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was a risk I dared not take but knew I would lose if I didn't.
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Ever notice how the more you think about something the worse it seems to
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get? Well I keep thinking about having to take a shit, my ass was pounding
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and the seconds were going by in slow motion. I needed to go so bad I
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wanted to drop my pants and take a dump. I kept with the struggle and
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after what seemed like an eternity I could see my dorm area in the
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distance-we were three quarters the way home. A thought crossed my mind
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that I could actually make it. But today, time and good fortune were not
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on my side. Time was going too slow and it felt like shit was going to
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slide right out of my ass. I was almost at stage three where I could not
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control my own muscles. I had the "feeling" and my sphincter muscle was
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pulsating like a mother fucker. I panicked and decided I needed to do
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something RIGHT now or I was going to be shitting in my pants. I told my
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pals I had to go and took off in a fast pace jog to the dorm room. At the
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very least I figured it would speed up the time it took me to get to the
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toilet and better yet, if I did shit my pants at least my pals wouldn't
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know.
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So I'm in this fast jog hoping to hell the pulsation and feeling goes away.
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But it wasn't and in fact things were getting worse.my mind was working
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against me as well. I somehow made it to the dorm entrance door-which is
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always locked. The dorm area I lived in was four stories high with a
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bathroom on each floor--females bathrooms were on the first and third
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floors. So after unlocking that door I had to climb up a flight of stairs.
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I climbed up the stairs two-by-two and felt stage three starting just as I
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hit the second floor.
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I ran in the bathroom-thankfully unoccupied. Dropped my pants and had shit
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hit my pants, the toilet and the floor. I cleaned up my pants, the floor
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and finished up. I went up another two flights and realized I had to do
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some more. I was quite happy that I had been away from the people I knew
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and was able to hold the shit down till at least I got close enough to a
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bathroom. Good thing most of it was hard.
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I recall at least one other time eating at the Shit Rock Cafe and having a
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similar problem-upset stomach and having to take multiple shits soon
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afterwards. I guess the bottom line is you get what you pay for or maybe
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they put laxatives in the food there.
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Most of my damage was psychological rather than embarrassment/struggle. It
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will probably be hard for you to understand but imagine having to struggle
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like this and during the whole time have your mind concentrating on one
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thing. For me the one thing was bathroom and having to take a shit. So
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after this incident-for months-I was always paranoid about going anywhere
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that I would be secluded from a bathroom. On a trip, on a walk, to a
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party, to the cafeteria. If I could not get from place to place within a
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reasonable amount of time and have some control I would feel uneasy. It
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might be easy to convince yourself everything will be okay but try
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convincing your mind and try getting your mind off that struggle. I can
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not even begin to tell you how deeply this has affected me. It made me
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realize how strong the mind can be and how it can easily fuck you over if
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you let it control you.
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It is important that you grasp a few concepts from this story-as in all my
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stories. Time won't always be there when you need it but it sure as hell
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will seem like an eternity when you are struggling. Risk is an important
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gamble in life. If I risked going into a building at the halfway point I
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wouldn't be writing this fucked up story now. I'm sure I would have found
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a bathroom. What does your "gut" say? If it feels it is worth the risk
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maybe you should listen. As with the food at Shit Rock Cafe I believe more
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and more in life that you get what you pay for. Course there are obvious
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exceptions to the rule but you get the point. Finally, and what this story
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is all about, is that the mind is very powerful. Experiences in life are
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stored in the minds memory banks and everything contributes to make us what
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we are. Some of us have been tainted with bad experiences, our minds are
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fucked beyond repair.
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Live and Learn,
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Pallbearer
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... =
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= Internet : jericho@netcom.com (Mail is welcomed) =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= gote land +27.31.441115 =
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= Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 =
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= Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 =
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= Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 =
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= Damnation 212.861.0580 that stupid place 215.985.0462 =
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= Hacker's Haven 303.343.4053 PheedbacK 303.782.0893 =
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= E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 =
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= Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images 407.834.4576 =
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= Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 Black SunShine 513.891.3465 =
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= underworld_1995.com 514.683.1894 Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 =
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= PSYCHOSiS 613.836.7211 Bad Trip 615.870.8805 =
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= Plan 9 716.881.3663 suicidal chaos 718.592.1083 =
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= Damaged 801.944.7353 Purple Hell 806.791.0747 =
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= Atrocity Exhibition 905.796.3385 Phoenix Modernz 908.830.8265 =
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= The Keg 914.234.9674 =
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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= Files through Anon FTP: FTP.NETCOM.COM - /pub/je/jericho/FUCK =
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= FTP.PRISM.NET - /pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck =
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= FTP.WINTERNET.COM - /users/craigb/fuck =
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= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT - /pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
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= ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK =
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= Files through WWW: ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/je/jericho/jericho.html =
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= http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ =
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