75 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
75 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
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T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
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|| || || || || || || \\ // ------------------------------------
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H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<<
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|| || || || || \\ || // \\ FREECHAN.DBC
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E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #024-RT07 -- [05/24/91]
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______________________________________________________________________________
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---------------------------------------------------
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Free Cable Channels: How & Now
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-------------
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by Random Tox
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---------------------------------------------------
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It's late at night, the lights are out and the dull white and black
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static of the television dances on the screen. Phredd sits and grimly watches
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the meaningless, squiggling patterns. This is the channel where Cinemax
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*should* be, but due to Phredd's thin and worn wallet, he must do with white
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noise.
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Later in the month, Phredd stays home from work and ignores his lithe,
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attractive girlfriend's pleas. He rushes to the television, leaving a
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spiralling trail of popcorn and cookie crumbs behind him. He is ready for the
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most incredible adventure of the year... his short period of *free* Cinemax,
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Disney Channel, HBO and The Movie Channel! He sits on the edge of his seat,
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watching Dumbo and Stallone... and when the week-end is over, he is reduced
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to a red-eyed static zombie once more.
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"Aha," you murmur, "This sad tale of woe has been repeated many times
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over, and as I am neither rich nor an electronics genius, I cannot get free
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cable pay channels like HBO." But let us go back to poor Phredd's
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predicament. His nerves are frayed, as poor Phredd knows that tonight is his
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last night of movie enjoyment. Then, from the clinging shadows of night,
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Doktor Tox steps forth and tips his black hat.
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Phredd stumbles backwards and gasps in amazement, "I th-thought I locked
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the door!"
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"I entered via the window, eh wot?" Random mumbles, some sort of gummi
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candy peering from between his lips. He stands beside Phredd's cable box
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after a few quick strides, and roughly yanks the lovingly attached cable in
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the back, plucking it free.
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"Aiiieeee! Schwarzenegger is gone! What have you done???" Phredd springs
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from the sofa, bruising his fragile skull and damaging the ceiling. "My
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cable! My life!" he moans.
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"Shut up and listen. When the cable company computers decide to give you
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a channel for free, they send a code to you via your cable, switching the
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channel 'on'. Thus it remains for a given duration, and when the time's
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up...."
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"No more Cinemax... <weep>"
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Random leans against a plant, "When time's up, they send another signal
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to your box, shutting the channel 'off'. However, if your cable box is
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disconnected for a few days, the 'off' signal never reaches it and the
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channel remains 'on'!" He smiles. "And you don't pay a thing."
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Phredd's bleary eyes gaze upwards in wonder at Tox. "Y-y-you mean... I
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get the Disney Channel, FOR FREE??" Random nods with a grin. "Wow! I shall
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never be sad again! no more late-night eyestrain! I can't believe it... "
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"Keep calm, Phredd."
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"How can I ever repay you?" a vibrant Phredd asks.
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"Just spread the word of "Bob". You just received a major imbuement of
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slack. Enjoy." Doktor Tox wriggles back out the window, then turns. "However,
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you must remember that in some areas, the cable service has been updated, and
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this trick will not work. However, there is the traditional blakc box, which
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is cheap if you build it yourself, or expensive if you're a moron and must
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buy one. If this doesn't work, too bad. It's not my fault. Call up your local
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cable company and complain." Random disappears soundlessly into the night.
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Phredd leans back in his chair, relaxed and confident and watches the
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blank screen of the television as he waits for morning. A new morning in his
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new world of cable. Free cable.
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[This is a recycled T-File! - Recycle Yours Today]
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______________________________________________________________________________
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(C)1991 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Random Tox
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All Rights Available at the Door. No Reservations.
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*** Spread the word of Turnex, the Blender for the Next Millenium. ***
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The Durex Blender Corporation : Boston (617) 696-8156 - 24oo/8N1 - 24 hours |