61 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
61 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
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T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
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|| || || || || || || \\ // ------------------------------------
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H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<<
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|| || || || || \\ || // \\ ERN&BERT.DBC
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E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #007-SB02 -- [06/10/91]
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______________________________________________________________________________
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How Ernie and Bert Came to Be
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-------------------------------
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by Snarfblat, the Fork of Spoon
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You all know Ernie and Bert- they're those two puppet guys that live in
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an apartment on Sesame Street. You probably also have stayed up late at
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night breaking into a cold sweat because you couldn't figure out how they
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were related. Most people (besides those k-k00l dooooodz who say "who
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cares,they're puppets") say Oh, they are gay lovers. Well, maybe, but if so,
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why do they play with toys. Fine, they are immature gay lovers. No, because
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how do they pay the rent. They don't work, and don't own a car. Plus, they
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sleep in seperate beds. They can't be roommates cuz they are just kids or
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demented adults. Now that you are thoroughly confused, I will help you sort
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it out.
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First of all, Bert is Ernie's father. That's why they sleep in seperate
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beds. If you want, they can be gay and incestuous, but thats up to your sick
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little imagination. Anyway, Bert's wife was red. In case you don't remember
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bert is yellow and ernie is orange. Red and yellow make orange, hence
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ernie's color.
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Bert worked in a factory for several years before he came to sesame
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street(but why did he go to sesame street? - read on!) One day, Bert got just
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a little too close to that machine that crushes steel girders into pellets
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the size of a grain of salt. His head was smashed, and he was brain damaged.
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So severely that he regressed to the intelectual level of a small child-a
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child about ernie's age.
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When Bert's wife realized that Bert had become a moron, she divorced him
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and took everything they owned (except that little brat Ernie). Well, bert's
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lawyer found out and sued the wife for everything she had. Unfortunately
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Bert and Ernie couldn't live alone so they were put into a community for the
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mentally unwell. You got it- Sesame Street. They met Oscar, a wierd hairy
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man obsessed with garbage. Big Bird, a junkie and hallucinogen user who
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always thought he was being followed by a brown elephant-like thing called
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Snuffalopagulopaloopulagus. All the real people on sesame street are
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counselors for the deranged folks who live there. Why else would they be so
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bloody nice all the time? The real people kids are trucked in from nearby
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towns to act as a positive influence on the patients.
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Well, thats it. Years of research went into this, and it actually makes
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sense. Remember, this is only a theory!!! It has yet to be proven, but I'd
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like to see you find a flaw in it.
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______________________________________________________________________________
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(C)1991 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Snarfblat
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All Rights Revered. Even yours.
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*** Spread the word of Turnex, the Blender for the Next Millenium. ***
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The Durex Blender Corporation : Boston (617) 696-8156 - 24oo/8N1 - 24 hours
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