542 lines
26 KiB
Plaintext
542 lines
26 KiB
Plaintext
þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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þþþ CYBER_PHUCK MAGAZINE ISSUE FOUR þþþ
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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This is issue FOUR of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. I hope you enjoy it.
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1. Zen and The Management of Suburban Dog Shit
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2. Lead in Your Drinking Water and How To Protect Yourself
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3. Damage Inc Crash Guide To The Internet and Internet Accounts
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4. How To Rebuild a Fucking Carburetor. :-)
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5. Pasta Pasta Pasta. How To Cook Awesome Pasta. Cool easy recipes.
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Zen And The Management of Suburban Dogshit.
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Dog shit stinks. Literally and spiritually. It stinks. It sticks
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to your shoes and won't come off. It's nasty it fucking SUCKS. Well
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if you're tired of not being able to enjoy your own suburban back yard
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for the genuine fear of stepping in dog shit, you should know the
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beneficial technique to manage dog shit correctly.
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Required Equipment:
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1. A hose
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Rubber hoses are the best. Don't buy a cheapo hose
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at K-mart. It's a waste of money if you get a garden
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water hose based solely on price. Buy a good quality
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RUBBER hose! A rubber hose will stay flexible when the
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weather is cool and will last decades if you don't run
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it over with the lawn mower. Rubber hoses are odviously
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made of rubber. Cheap bullshit hoses are made out of
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vinyl or some shiny brittle shitty material. When dealing
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with dog shit, you don't want shitty equipment!
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2. A spray attachment WITH TRIGGER!
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A spray attachment with trigger is mandatory. One should
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get the best attachment they can afford. Ideally, one
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that can be adjusted to spray a HARD JET STREAM is the
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best for the shitty fun jobs ahead. Spray attachments
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made of PVC (poly vinyl chloride) are the best. Do not
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buy ones made of regular plastic or the sunlight will
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make the plastic brittle and they will break. Avoid ones
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with parts made of steel, like steel clips and springs.
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Steel RUSTS! Get a good spray attachment made of PVC,
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that can shoot a very tight jet stream at high pressure,
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and that has some sort of triggering device, to minimize
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water waste, and allow the hose to build up pressure
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between shots of water.
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3. Good water pressure.
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Good water pressure helps get the job done well. A good
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rubber hose will permit more water flow and better water
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pressure build-up and release than a crappy plastic hose.
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THE SECRET OF DOG SHIT IN A SUBURBAN ENVIRONMENT
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Bone meal is a fertilizer. Dog shit contains bone meal. Well, just
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about every ingredient in dog food is also found in fertilizers. But dog
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shit kills the grass doesn't it. NOT ANY MORE IT DOESN'T! Prepare to have
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the most lush and beautiful back yard in town. WITHOUT chemical sprays or
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chemical fertilizers. Tell the chemical lawn spray company to FUCK OFF! :-)
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because the secret's out!
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What You Do
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Each day after work, pour yourself a tall glass of coke, or ice tea
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and go into the back yard. Pat the dog on the head and wave and smile at
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your neighbor who will try to avoid eye contact with you anyhows. Turn on
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the hose and prepare for A Three Minute Dog Shit Country Safari in your own
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back yard! (be sure to spray any cats with the hose because the dogs will
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really think you're cool if you do that :-) Smoke if you got 'em.
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Technique:
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Walk slowly into the yard and casually nuke every one of them dog
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turds with the hard jet spray of the hose. Let the pressure build up and
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build up in the hose between shots of water, as you spy for the Amazing
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Crapso's latest masterpiece and then blast it into dogshit oblivion.
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Spraying the dog shit every day when the weather is hot, or every
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2 days or so when the weather is more pleasant, breaks-down the dog shit
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into it's natural elements extremely effectively. DO NOT WAIT FOR THE
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dog shit to turn to bricks in the sun, but instead blast it into dog shit
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residue every day if possible. Adding water to dog shit before it dries,
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encourages micro organisms added by fido's intestional tract to break down
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the shit most effectively. Breaking the actual turd apart increases the
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amount of oxygen available to each nano-spec of dog shit increasing this
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biological breakdown. Spraying the dog turd with the hose is the best
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way to deal with dog shit. The turds disappear, the grass is green, and
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there's nothing nasty for you to step in (or for the Amazing Crapso to
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roll in as well).
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If you miss spraying a day or so and the turds turn into petrified
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icons of shit, simply wet them down with a wide spray and allow them
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ample time to soften up, and then you can blast them into doggy shit dust.
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Summary.
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Blast the dog turds everyday with the hose where they lie and you'll
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have the greenest yard in town!
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"Go ahead... make my mother fucking day.. you piece of shit! :-)
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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Lead In Drinking Water And How To Protect Yourself!
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Most water contains some lead. Some sources are natural sources
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as water filters through the ground. Most sources however are man made.
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In 1985 Ronald Reagan signed the Clean Water Act that banned
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the use of lead solder in plumbing in new construction. Also lead is no
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longer used in gasoline or paints which should help a lot too. Lead from
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paint chips is bad news too because it floats through the air and lands in
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dust that the baby chews up.
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Lead gets into drinking water in the following ways.
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1. Lead pipes in old homes and very old underground pipes.
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(uncommon but VERY serious if they're still there)
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2. Lead solder used to bond copper pipes in most homes.
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(very common source 80% of homes)
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Lead affects you inversely to what you weigh. A baby drinking lead
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contaminated water will show much more detrimental effects than a man will.
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Lead affects children much more than adults. Lead exposure will make one
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stupid, can cause serious physical affects as well if the levels are high
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enough. High doses can cause seisures that mimic epileptic seisures. During
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the Salem witch trials everybody was incredibly stupid because of lead
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exposure in pewter cookwear and food storage etc devices. Children believed
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possessed were actually having seisures from lead exposure. Adults were
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incredibly stupid from prolonged exposure.
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During Roman times, exposure to lead was extremely bad. Early water
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supply plumbing was sometimes made entirely of lead. Ceasar suffered
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seisures from lead exposure most likely. People were stupid from lead
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exposure to the point of the exposure leading to the eventual fall of the
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Roman Empire according to some scientists.
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Some ceramic cookwear contains high levels of lead from the earth
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used it it's manufacture. Beware of cookwear and dishes especially that
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have painted designs, especially gold leaf on them. Lead crystal glasswear
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should not be used for food storage. Do not keep wine in lead crystal for
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prolonged periods. When in doubt, toss it out. Beware of true antique
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pewter dishes and cups.
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Filters are NOT very effective against lead in water.
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Good News!
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The older the plumbing, the less lead will leach out of it. Plumbing
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gets coated inside with lime and other minerals after a while. Also fluoride
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used in water sticks hard against the inside of the pipes locking the lead
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in place.
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Prevention!
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If the water hasn't been run for several hours, let it run until it
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is cold to flush the lead laced water out. NEVER use hot water out of the tap
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for cooking or drinking EVER! If a plumber does work at your house, be sure
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he uses new "lead free" solder. If he uses unmarked solder, or old solder
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containing lead, please shoot him in the head because his brain was damaged
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by exposure to lead. Mental damage from lead exposure is not reversible.
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After the tap water is running cool. You can fill up a glass jar
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with cold water and put it aside or in the fridge if you want to drink water
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later. Pour it into one of those water filter jugs is a good idea too.
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Other wierd sources of lead include
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Ceramic dishes
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(red clay from Mexico and Asia)
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(worse if food is stored in them for prolonged periods)
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(especially acidic foods like wine, vinegar, etc)
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Pewter Dishes and Cups
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Lead was once used in their manufacture.
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Old Telephone Trunk Cables
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Those big old cables in old towns that are grey in color.
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That are extrmely heavy and droop from pole to pole.
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Working with lead cables is why some phone company
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techs are so fucking stupid :) Cable TV wires are
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made of alumium and are also grey though.
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Lead Shot from ShotGun Shells
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Lead shot has landed in duck ponds for years. This
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gets into water and ducks eat them and ingest lots of
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lead. Stainless steel shot is the only legal shot
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for hunting but you know how people are. If you get
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pulled over for speeding in a country town, be carefull
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what you say. They may be impaired mentally from lead
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shot in their food and water supply.
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Lead Crystal glass ware
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Do not use for food storage
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Paint !
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Used to increase the stickiness of paint for years!
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Was in use very common through the fifties and into
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the sixties. BEWARE WHEN REMOVING OLD PAINT NOT TO
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CREATE DUST.
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Fishing lures and Tire Weights
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are made of lead. Keep away from kids who might chew them.
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or chew their fingers after handeling them. Lead sticks
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to your fingers really bad. It is a metal softer than most.
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Ever handle copper pennies and your hands stink?. well
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lead sticks worse than that to your fingers but has no
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smell!
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Autobody shops
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Used to fix cars with lead before they invented
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"bondo" fiberglass autobody fillers).
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Nuclear weapons plants
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Uranium is a highly refined form of lead ore.
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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DAMAGE INC CRASH COURSE IN INTERNET FULL ACCESS ACCOUNTS!
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Cyber BBS
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513-863-0447
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This requires understanding of DOS before it means anything.
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Never pay more than 20$ a month for full internet access including
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FTP (file transfer protocol) and don't get an account that limits
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your time you can logon.
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ALL COMMANDS ARE IN LOWER CASE. DO NOT USE CAPITAL LETTERS!
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joeblow@whatever.com sample address for joe at a commercial site
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joeblow@bigstate.edu sample address at a university account site
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If you get lost or it freaks out just drop carrier from your comm program.
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Use VT102 emulation for most sites.
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DO NOT use the backspace key. Use the Delete key instead.
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$ the unix prompt
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tin -q starts the newsgroup program. This is like 9,000 message areas
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there are 9,000 newsgroups or message areas. In your home
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directory there is a file called .newsrc you can edit
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it to include or exclude specific newsgroups if you
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edit .newsrc the ( "!" = ignore) ( ":" = subscribe)
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eep a program on some systems to edit your .newsrc file
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pico THE unix editor program for editing text files. You can
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use the command "edit" on some systems to get this
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program up. Use the command "pico" if you're not sure.
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pine starts the most popular mail program to send and read mail.
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create or edit a file called .signature to have a
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unique signature appear on your mail and stuff
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who shows who's logged on the system besides yourself
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cd change directory like in DOS
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cd /home
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cd (with nothing after it will take you to your home dir)
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/ always use a slash "/" UNIX DOESN'T USE A BACKSLASH EVER!
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pwd present working directory shows where you're at /home/joeblow
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(works in telnet and ftp too!)
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telnet lets you telnet to other sites to look around and do stuff
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telnet mit.edu
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open if prompt says "telnet > " use this to connect to a site
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telnet > open mit.edu
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close leave a site connection
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close
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ftp lets you go to other sites and "get" files
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ftp univ.wash.edu
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open if prompt says "ftp > " use this command to connect to a site
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open univ.virginia.edu
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close leave a site
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close
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get "gets" a file from remote site and sends it to your home dir
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on the unix machine you're subscribed to very fast.
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get super_cali_fred-igelesticespealadoscious.zip.file.ZIP
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get pkunzip.exe
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(unix file names can be up to 256 characters long)
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WHEN YOU TELNET OR FTP TO A REMOTE SITE
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LOGIN AS " anonymous " (tough to spell huh?)
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PASSWORD " joeblow@shit.com " give your internet address
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sz send files from your unix host to your PC using Zmodem (send Z)
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sz whatever.the.file.is (use proper case)
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rz send files from your pc to your unix with Zmodem (recieve Z)
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rz
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and then just send it
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close closes stuff
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quit quits stuff, logoff
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ls -l lists files in a meaningful way
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ls -lpm better way to list files
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drwxrwxrwx file attributes.
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d--------- means a directory listing
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rwx means the file owner can read write or execute the file
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rwx means anybody with same security can read/write/exec the file
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rwx means anybody in the world can read/write/or execute the file
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man (followed by any command) gives you help for a command from the manual
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man pine (gives you help with pine mail program)
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talk joeblow@anyplace.com lets you "chat" with joe anywhere in the world
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if it says "chat requested", park the program you're in with
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control-z or exit it back to the unix prompt and type "talk"
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control-z parks a program
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jobs lists programs you parked
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%1 restarts parked program 1
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%2 restarts parked program 2
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control-z doesn't work on some systems.
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use ! instead. Just type "!" in FTP and
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it will give you a unix prompt. Type exit to return
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to active FTP session.
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control-c stops many programs including the "talk" (chat) program
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Remember to use the delete key instead of the backspace. If you're real wild
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you can set your comm program to send a delete when you hit the backspace.
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Don't bother with any books on UNIX unless you're forced to program in it.
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This little text file and just fucking with unix will make you an expert.
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Books and text files on Intenet and Unix For Dummies are for dummies ONLY!
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So if you want to learn unix and the internet just jump in in there and
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keep this text printed near your computer to remember the commands until
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you know them as well as you know DOS.
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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HOW TO REBUILD A CARBURETOR
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Zen and the Art of CARBURETOR Maintenance.
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First, are you sure that the carburetor on your car or truck
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actually needs rebuilding. Symptoms of a bad carburetor are,
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1. Coughing when accelerating or pulling hills
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2. Possible backfire when accelerating or pulling hill
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3. Hasn't been rebuilt or replaced in last 20k miles
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Carburetors are no longer put on most cars or trucks any more
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because fuel injection systems offer a 15% increase in power and economy.
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It's a bitch to switch-over from carburetion to fuel-injection and much
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cheaper in the short run to just rebuild the carburetor, which isn't all
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that complicated, and which doesn't take much more time than replacing
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a carburetor which costs TONS more than rebuilding one.
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The word "rebuilding" sounds scary but don't let it fool you.
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The problem with your carburetor is not in your set. The rubber accelerator
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pump is probably worn on from friction of pumping up and down, and from
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the alcohol used in gasolines these days.
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Lately there has been a sharp increase in the price of carburetor
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rebuild kits. This is based on greed, and the fact that carburetors are
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getting more and more rare of course. Shop around.
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Before trying to purchase a carburetor rebuild kit, you will have
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to get the numbers off of the old carburetor. This is important because
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you will get dirty looks, and probably the wrong kit if you ask for a
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carburetor rebuild kit without actually knowing the carburetor numbers
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first.
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Some carburetors have a alumminum tag screwed on top of the
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carburetor. Most have some sort of number stamped on the side of the
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carburetor. Start the engine (so the fumes don't gag you) and do a major
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spray down of the carburetor, inside and out) with some good gum-out
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carburetor aerosol spray cleaner. When you find the numbers, write them
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all down, and take them to the parts store with you.
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Don't jump into buying a kit without checking on price first. The
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last one I did, I found the prices ranged from 15 $ at one place, up to
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30 $ at another. They contained the same stuff. You probably won't need
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floats, but get them if necessary, they might cost extra. The most important
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things in the kits are
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1. Rubber Accelerator Pump
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2. Proper Gaskets (don't use gasket sealer on carb gaskets)
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3. Little springs and steel balls.
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Carefully and slowly pull the carburetor off the car. Remove the
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air cleaner, vacuum lines, and linkage levers, label stuff if necessary
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so you can get it back on exactly as before. Don't loose any little clips
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because that will be the one they didn't put in the kit. Don't discard
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any parts for that reason. Be very careful when removing the fuel-input
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line. The fitting is made of brass and will strip very easily. Some
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have filters built into them.
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Some guys soak the things for a while, a few can even rebuild
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some (depending on the type of carb) on the car. It's better to take it
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off. Slowly disassemble the thing. Check for bend push rods inside the
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thing, beware of springs that pop off when you remove a panel etc. Start
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from the top of the carburetor and take off one part at a time. Take off
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only what is necessary etc. Be carefull. Don't bend flexible metal parts
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because their adjustment may be critical.
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A kitchen table works good for cleaning a carburetor with lots of
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papers and stuff to keep from making a mess etc. When removing a gasket
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while removing a part, clean the surfaces clean to remove all gasket
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material which may come loose other wise and clog a jet later. Some
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carburetors have jets you can replace, others have large bore jets that
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you can just push the shit out of with a long pin. Take your time.
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Always replace the accelerator pump. It is entirely possible that the
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only part that needs replaced is the accelerator pump.
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If you take out the floats, don't bend the levers on them. Later
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on the kit may tell you to turn the carb upside down and check the distance
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the floats hang from the lip of the carb. Don't fuck that up. And if you
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don't bend them to start with, they will probably work anyway without
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adjustment.
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If you want the ultimate rebuild, clean everything until it's spot
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less with cleaners etc. The spec of dirt you remove now, might not lodge
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in a jet later.
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Take your time reassembling the carburetor, be very altert for
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little tiny balls like in ball bearings that do something in the carburetor.
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To remove one may require turning an assembly upside down. And turning
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an assembly upside down without thinking, may let a tiny little ball
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fall out and disappear underneath the most nasty place you'll never
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find it on the floor or your garage workshop or kitchen, so be careful.
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When putting the carb back on the engine, make sure the gasket
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surface on the intake manifold is clean and avoid dropping shit down
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inside the manifold. If you drop a bolt or screw in there it can cause
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major fucking damage. Check the action on the carburetor before hooking
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the fuel line back up. When you most the levers you should be able to
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hear the accelerator pump forcing air out someplace. Everything should
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work perfectly. Use care when putting the fuel input back on because the
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brass fitting may strip very easily. There's a lot of pressure in that fuel
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line being pumped up from the fuel pump, so don't bugger up the threads.
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Good luck. If your car is old (like before the 1970's) if it
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knocks during acceleration even after the carb has been rebuild, you should
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trying doubling the timing number. If it says 6 degrees to set it, try
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setting it to ten or twelve degrees. The fuel today has god knows what in
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it. Avoid fuel additives that contain alchol, like fuel anti-freeze because
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that's what ruins the accelerator pumps tight fit. The accelrator pump
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fit can't really be measured. When you rebuild one, the old one alwasys
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looks okay but it isn't believe me.
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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PASTA PASTA PASTA
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Cool and Excellent, and Easy Pasta Recipes
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Cool and Excellent and Easy pasta recipes require 3 main ingredients.
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1 Good Italian Olive Oil. Look for the those glass jars of
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olive oil that are wide at the base and skinny at the
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top. A bottle costs like 5 bucks but it lasts a long
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time and is good for your cholesterol. Don't buy clear
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oils. The yellow oils are best.
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2 Good Pasta. Look for "Vermicelli" its thinner than thin
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spaghetti. Takes exactly 6 minutes to cook.
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3 Garlic. Get a couple large bulbs of it. Peel it by biting
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the end off, peeling off the dry skin, and smashing it with
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the flat edge of a big knife or large spoon, then chopping some.
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Parmesean Cheese. Don't buy discount brands. Jungle Jims in
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Fairfield has the best. Good national brands are okay but
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generic brands and discount brands often contain fillers like
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sawdust etc.
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Spices. Get Parsley (dry in a jar or fresh is even better), Basil
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is good too, and Oregano, maybe some black pepper if you have
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a pepper mill only. Don't use pre-ground pepper.
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Vinegar. Get Italian Balsamic Vinegar. Never use that clear stuff
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that comes in a plastic bottle. That's only good for douches and
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cleaning the table off with.
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Real pasta recipes are insanely simple
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Bring water to a hard rolling boil. Add the pasta to the water
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and LEAVE THE HEAT ON AS HIGH AS IT WILL GO! If you lower the
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temperature ANY during boiling the pasta will stick.
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Vermicelli takes exactly 6 minutes too cook. When it doubt,
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pasta is ready when one piece, thrown against the wall, sticks
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solidly without falling off.
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After 6 minutes, strain the Vermicelli. Do not rinse it off. Use
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a wire strainer or one of those colliander things.
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If you want to use garlic in your pasta, towel out the pot you
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boiled the pasta in, and return it to the stove without heat (if
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you're using electric) or on low (if you've got a gas stove).
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Pour some olive oil covering the bottom of the pan, and dump in
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a bunch of smashed garlic. Stir and let it cook without burning for
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a very short amount of time, maybe no more than a minute.
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Put the pasta in a large bowl. Pour the garlic and oil, or just
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regular olive oil over the top of it. Add oregano (a little)
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parsley (tons) and some pepper maybe. Stir it up and add more
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olive oil if necessary. It should be real oily and wet but not soupy
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at all. For extra kick, stir in some balsamic vinegar but only
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as an experiment. I love it but some people don't. Mix with a
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fork throughly. Add Parmesean cheese LAST because it makes things
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clump together. Just sprinkle it on top and don't worry about
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mixing it into the pasta like the other stuff.
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Adding chopped tomatoes makes it look totally beautiful too.
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Serve with red wine, kool aid, or other red juice. And make
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a lot of pasta, people tend to eat tons of the stuff. It's a late
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|
night favorite in Italy after a night on the town or after the
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|
opera.
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Serve this type of Pasta with an Italian Salad, French bread, and
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butterflied Filet Mignon's brushed with wortershire sauce for
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a 4 star meal.
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þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ
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I hope you enjoyed issue four of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. If you have
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questions, comments, suggestions, contributions -monitary or literary-
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send 'em to the head chef at tline@iglou.com or call the Cyber BBS
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at 513-863-0447.
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Tom Line
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Head Chef
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Damage Inc Ohio
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tline@iglou.com
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cyber bbs 513-863-0447 USA
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