119 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
119 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
Ü ÜßÝ Ü Ü Ü
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ßÝ ßÝ Ý Ý Ý
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Ý Û Ý Ý Ý
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BLaH Ý ß Ý ÜßÜ Ý Ý
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File ÝßÜ Ý ÜÝ ÝßÝÜÝ Written March 23rd, 1993
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#039 Ý Ýig Ýong ÜßÝ Ýnd Ý Ýairy
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Ý Ý Ý Þ Ý Ý Ý
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ÝÜß ÝÜÜÝ ßÜÜßÞ ÜÝ ÞÜ
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Presents
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Ú ÄÄ ¿
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"Fear and Loathing in Cyberspace Pt. 2"
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³ by ³
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Constantine
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À ÄÄ Ù
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Fear and Loathing in Cyberspace Pt. 2
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(What? Me Alex?)
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...My head was swimming as I woke up, feeling like a ton of bricks
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had hit me like a freight train. I reminded myself to stop mixing my
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metaphors as I struggled against the ropes that tied me to the chair.
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"You're not tied up," a voice said. I opened my eyes and looked.
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I was pulling on my shoelaces.
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"Sorry about that," said the young man standing in front of me.
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In a pair of jeans and an old Metallica tshirt, it could only be James
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Hetfield.
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"Why'd you hit me?"
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"I had to get your attention."
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I stood up and looked around the sawdust-covered nightclub. The
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workprograms had all gone out for lunch, leaving the two of us alone.
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"People are talking, Hetfield. They say you're going K-RaD. Like
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you've got a files complex."
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"The files? FUCK the files."
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"Yeah, so you say."
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"Listen," Hetfield said, looking around the room nervously, "This
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isn't my choice. PeNiS forced me to go 14.4 and put in the file vaults
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for them-- they're doing it all over the Net. I can't be seen with you,
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man, it's just too dangerous."
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"Tell me who your PeNiS contact is."
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"PeNiS is big, Connie. If I talk, they'll format me for sure."
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"Then tell me who WILL talk about PeNiS."
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"Just get out while you can."
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I stepped outside, the fresh air of the Net cooling my face and
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making the lump on my head throb. I was walking down a phoneline, cursing
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my lack of leads, when a derelict shuffled up behind me. He had a mean
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look about him and a big tagline.
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[Historical Note-- "Big Taglines" were a temporary fad of recent
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origin, characterized by very short messages and very long bluewave
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signatures. Starting with one-line posts and two-line tags, the trend
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escalated to one-LETTER posts and paragraph-long tags. The fad died
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suddenly when a notorious user posted a wordless message followed by the
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collected works of Charles Dickens as a tagline. A hoard of Bluewave
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users, infuriated by the 48-hour download, lynched him.]
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"PssT!" he said.
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"No spare change, buddy."
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"You're looking for PeNiS, right?"
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"Hey!" I said, turning to face him, "My sex life is none of your
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business!"
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"My name's NeX," he said, winking at me, "This is just a disguise.
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I can help you get to someone high in the organization, but it'll cost
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you."
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"I hope YOU'RE not looking for--"
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"I want file points. Lots of file points."
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"Yeah, I can do that. What do you know?"
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We stepped into a vacant host computer to talk, huddling behind
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a pile of file caches.
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"You want to talk to Nyarlathotep," NeX said, "He knows the whole
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operation. Look for him at--"
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The wail of sirens outside cut him off. Through the windows I
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could see a dozen squad cars surrounding the building.
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"Shit!" he said, "SPA cops!"
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What seemed like hundreds of goons in Software Publisher's
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Association uniforms poured out of the cars and took up position, aiming
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wicked-looking magnets at us.
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"Attention!" a voice shouted through a bullhorn. "This is the
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SPA! Come out with your hands up, or we'll erase!"
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"Nooooo!" NeX cried, "It was just a copy of Little People Farm!
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I was going to buy it eventually! Honest!"
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There was silence for a moment, then the bullhorn squawked again.
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"You know, the least you could do is shoot at us."
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"Shoot at you?" I shouted, "Why?"
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"Well," the officer said, "We can't bloody well kill you if you
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come out with your hands up, can we? I mean, we have a reputation to
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uphold. We'd have to go and call the NSA and get THEM to shoot you in
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the back, and then there's all the red tape that comes with that. If
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you'd just be so kind as to fire a warning shot or two, we could waste
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you and go get lunch."
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"Don't even think about it!" I said, "I've got a Whore Virus
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in here! It could shut down this entire area code!"
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There was a long pause.
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"Nice try," the bullhorn responded, "But we've got Patty Hoffman
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out here, and she says you're full of it."
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TO BE CONTINUED...
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[Will Connie and NeX escape from the SPA? Will Patty Hoffman ever get a
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life? Will a coherent storyline develop any time in the near future? For
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the answers to these questions and more, stay tuned for Fear and Loathing
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Part Three: Superman's Rotting Corpse!]
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{---End Of File... Connie, these are too SHORT.. urk..----}
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Looks like SOMEONE'S been reading too much Ambush Bug..
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BLaH <sigh>ts
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The Battle Of Evermore <312>476-1508
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The Obloid Sphere <708>965-3098
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Nun-Beaters Anonymous <708>251-5094
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Four releases <so far> in three days.. we're back on the roll
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{---It doesn't matter what comes, only matters what goes, with Mentos--}
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{---Fresh and full of life---}
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