678 lines
22 KiB
Plaintext
678 lines
22 KiB
Plaintext
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c:\186to586.exe
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Bad Sector(s) on disk C:\
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Sector(s) Not found
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(A)bort (R)etry (G)et a real computer.
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Datawaste Productions
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Is
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Proud to Present:
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛ°°°°°°±±±±±±²²²²²²ÛÛBAD SECTORÛÛ²²²²²²±±±±±±°°°°°°ÛÛÛÛÛ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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°°°°°°±±±±±²²²²ÛÛIN STEREO WHERE AVAILABLE!ÛÛ²²²²±±±±±°°°°°°
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ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
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ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛISSUE IV VOLUME I SERIES IÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
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ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß
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A feeble attempt at humor vaguely related to anything
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dealing with the online community.
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STAFF
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Editor in chief and
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Man in the Angry Chair: Vince Lortho, Elric,
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Vocus Sadri, Lord of Vabul
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White Oppressor, Selectively
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perceptive mental explorer.
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Submitting Writers:
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Carl Sagan
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Anne Rice
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Wesley Crusher
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Shakespeare
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My Mom.
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Volume 0 May 1994 Number 0D
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1 Blah, Blah
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2 BAD SECTOR Successful.
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3 Are you a GIF Freak?
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4 Chat logs of a madman.
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5 Day in the life...
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6 top 10
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7 taglines
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8 credits
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BAD SECTOR successful.
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BAD SECTOR has been out for two months now and the success of
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the mag is more than this author expected. Despite the two week delay
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in the first issue for no apparent reason everything is going well.
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This writer had to write or find all the articles because no one has
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submitted anything.
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A person known as Don Karnage (02/94; McDonald) submitted a story.
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Don is also serving twelve years for flogging his parents to death
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with two sticks of Beef jerky. This author had to write the other
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articles with pseudonyms as to make it appear that all kinds of
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authors and writers are submitting.
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The first issue was slightly humorous. Having vowed to make each issue
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funnier and funnier, this historian feels the second issue is quite
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humorous.
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The one problem that may face this magazine is possible copyright
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infringement. Once and awhile a text file will come across my computer
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that must be shown to the world. Having no legal knowledge or expertise
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this writer feels that it's OK. If anyone read the second issue, one
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will see a scoring article about the FBI and computer crime. There was
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no copyright notice on the news article and believe that since the
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numbers were so far off from reality that it may be considered fantasy
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or fiction (see 03/94) or possibly written on another planet in a
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galaxy
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far, far away.
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This Male Lesbian is going to make some changes around here. A
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new reader format for instance and all sorts of little neatism's. A
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flesch-reading ease score for every article and a Gunnings Fog index.
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The grade level of each article will be displayed after each article
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in the bottom left-foot corner.
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A friend of this astronomer will be posting this magazine on
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internet. Having no experience with internet or care this journalist
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hopes that it increases the popualrity of the magazine.
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This mag is a big hit in Belgium and a small villiage in Hungry. They
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even translate it and put it in the paper. Two days later, however,
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the villiage was hit by a freak typhoon. The people in belgium finally
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figured out it was in english.
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Note: The repeated references by this writer to himself as a third
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person is to eliminate using "I" and because this researcher is insane.
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Flesch Reading Ease: 72
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Flesch-Kincaid Grade: 7
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Gunnings Fog Index: 9
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Are you a GIF Freak?
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by Vince Lortho
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Answer this questionnaire and determine if you are a GIF freak. If you are
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viewing an X-rated GIF now then go to the end with a perfect score of 100.
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Note: The use of GIF is symbolic of all images, Dead or Alive.
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1. (10 Points) Do you have a special Hidden Directory for your GIF's?
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A. Yes, I have a directory for each Letter in the alphabet. (10 Pts)
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B. Yea, I have a hidden directory, Don't tell my mom! (7Pts)
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C. I have a few GIFs but they are on floppy's. (5pts)
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D. What's a directory? (0 pts- 0 IQ: go home and pet the dog.)
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2. (15 points) When you D/L GIF's do you constantly run out of time?
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A. No way. I payed 2000$ for an ISDN 65000 Blaster Modem and
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An agreement with the sysop for constant 12 hour D/L. (15pts)
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B. Nah, I bought a Cd-rom and have it on constant slide mode (10pts)
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C. Yea, I type *.* at the D/l prompt and it hung up. (8 pts)
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D. What's A GIF. I like it with Bread and tarts! (Get the gun)
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3. (15 points) How many Megs of storage do you have for your GIF's?
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A. I have a Tandy Color Computer. What's a MEG? (0 pts)
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B. I have all my unlabeled floppies full and some of my HD full.(8pts)
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C. I bought another HD for them. I luv dem pretty girles.(10 pts)
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D. Hell, I bought a Bernoulli 1 Gig optical drive and
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a Crey computer system with a direct power line to a nuclear
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reactor. (15pts)
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4. (20 points) What type of GIF's do you d/l?
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A. I like GIF! It tastes good! (see Question 2 answer d)
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B. Only ones with the word Must See! in it. (10pts)
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C. I d/l a complete series. 00000001.GIF - 99999999.GIF. (15pts)
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D. *.* (20 pts)
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5. (20 pts) Do you have a life?
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A. Yes, I'm a successful Business man with a Jaguar XLT (1pt)
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B. Nah, I had a girlfriend once but I found out she was a
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Barbee with no head. (10pts)
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C. I stopped breathing in 1973 (15pts)
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D. My name is PeeWee. (20pts)
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6. (Bonus!) Check as many of these that apply! (5pts each)
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1. I call LD to get those GIF's. I love them things.
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2. I went into debt paying for adult access on the BBS's
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3. I have GIF's and print them on my dot-matrix printer
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and mail them as Christmas cards to my GIF support group.
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4. I bought a bigger monitor so I could see it all at once.
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5. I have every GIF ever made.
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6. I like to take pictures of my Butt.(10 pts)
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Summary of scores.
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0: The minimum score is 0. If you don't have any then your exempt.
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1-30: You are slightly disturbed. There may be hope yet. Delete them
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all and go confess. You're not a pervert but a lonely person that
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needs to get out more often. You have your Dads playboys under
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your mattress.
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31-50: You may be a pervert. There may be a history of GIF's in your
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family. You have special times when you view them and even
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have
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a secret drive for them. You also have adult access on the
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local Bible board.
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51-115: You are beyond help. Keep on D/l'ing. Nothing can stop you.
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You probably have a CD-ROM and sit real close to the monitor
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and pretend your in there. Your Idea of a good time is a night
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with the New "Big Booties" CD-rom.
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Remember Choosey Perverts Chose GIF!
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F.R.E.: 82
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F.K.G.L.: 4
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G.F.I.: 6
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Chat Logs Of a Madman with a defective pager.
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by Mark Spigman
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CHAT LOG OPENED 031694 23:12
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The Sysop is here
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UH..DO YA HAVE THE FILE DASMEASD.ZIP and FAKSMDF1.gif and
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SPHABSD2.ZIP
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What? Did you them it on here?
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UH, I DIDN'T SEE IT. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW WHERE IT WAS.
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Its in the section called Hidden files.
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UH, OK. I"LL LOOK AGAIN.
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bye
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/q
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CHAT LOG CLOSED 031694 23:14
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<<Pager off>>
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CHAT LOG OPENED 031794 02:42
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The Sysop is here.
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Hi! I just wanted to tell you that I want adult access or higher access.
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<<Four Minutes go by>>
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Wgat tiem is it/
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What? Are you ok?
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fffffffffffffffddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
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dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
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ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddasdddd
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ddddddddddddddddadsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
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ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
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sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
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ssssssssss....
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NO CARRIER
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CHAT LOG CLOSED 031794 02:47
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CHAT LOG OPENED 031794 04:23
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The Sysop is here.
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yea. I was checkin if you were there.
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hello. is anyone over there. I see you. Come on. Hello!
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You are a bad sysop. This place sucks. I hate your Board. You are lame. I
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am calling the feds and telling them you have kiddie porn. Where are you.
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Your mom said hi. I'm going to kick you ass if you don't answer.
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djasfhkjdsadsjkfhasdjkfhdsajklfhadsjkfsdjkfdsajklfgd
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I'm going to wait until you answer.
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/page
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/s
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/exit
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/x
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Hey how do I get out of here?
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/quit
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quit
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bye
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GET ME OUT OF HERE!
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Fine i'll wait until you answer!
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You are GAY! I'm Talking to the feds now. I have a capture of Your board
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and you had SIMcity on here. I got a capture. Hold on I'm talking to Bruce
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Williams of THE FBI. Your Busted.
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fdsl;gkdl;fkgs'dgkds;'gk;'gkd;flgk;dslfgk'kgk'g;kg'kkgklfdgdsfgdsfg
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gsdfg;kdjfglkdfjgfd;jglkfjdgskl;djfglkjdfl;gkjfdlgjlkgjsdlkfjglkdfjg
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dfso;eirhuogfajgl;fhdsgj;dfhgjklshfdlslfdkgkldfjglkdsfjglkdjfgkldjf.
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Hey man What are you doing?
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You are a loser fag!
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<<Time exceeded>> Logging off.
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CHAT LOG CLOSED 031794 05:53
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CHAT LOG OPENED 031794 12:31
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The Sysop is here.
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YEA i JUST GOT MY COMPUTER AND MODER AND I DPNT KNOW
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HOW TO USE THE COMPUTER AND MODER. HOW DO I USE IT.
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Well, Do you have a book on computers. I really can't teach you computers
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over the phone.
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OH, OK. WHAT BOOK SHOULD I READ?
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Any book on computer basics. I don't know any offhand but look at the
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library or book store.
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OK. WHAT DOES TERMINAL MEAN.
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uh.. Terminal is what the program is called that you are using to connect
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with me. Whats the name of your terminal?
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I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS.
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Ok. What does it say at the bottom of the screen. The words that don't
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move.
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UH. HOLD ON. OK HERE THEY ARE.
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TERMINATE CONNECT 2400 YOUR BBS NAME 12:37PM
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Ok. your using terminate. What you want to do is look around. I have to go
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and check my mail. Leave me mail if you have anymore questions.
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UH, OK. I'LL LOOK AROUND ON YOUR BBS. hOW MUCH TIME DO
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I HAVE?
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It says 42 minutes.
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I NEED SOME HELP WITH DOWNLOADING.
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Ok. Hold on.
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<<Please hold>>
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<<I'm Back>>
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Ok. You have 4 hours today. go ahead and look around. I have a special
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section for downloading. just type f at the prompt and it'll take you there.
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OK THANKS. I CANT STAY TOO LONG. I'M CALLING LONG
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DISTANCE AND I CAN'T STAY LONG.
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Ok bye
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/q
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CHAT LOG CLOSED 031794 12:48
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CHAT LOG OPENED 031894 16:52
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The Sysop is here.
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Yea, My friend was on here earlier and he said you were messing with him.
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Who are you and what are you talking about?
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I'm Guardian. My friend is Slasher and he said you were ignoring him and
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saying stuff to piss him off.
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I don't know what your talking about.
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Well He said he was going to call the feds and I'm going to help him. He
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saw a copy of Simcity on Your BBS last week and he says that's illegal.
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ANd Hes going to bust you. We captured it. You're busted.
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Look, I have no idea who you are. I don't have simcity anymore. It was u/l
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by someone who is no longer on this board and was deleted.
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It doesn;t matter. Your busted. we have it captured. You're going down.
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Ok, Send the feds in. I got some donuts. What was your freinds handle?
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Slasher.
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Ok hold on.
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<<Please Hold>>
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<<I'm Back>>
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Slasher's not on this board. and neither are you.
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/bye
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+++ATH0
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CHAT LOG CLOSED 031894 17:03
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CHAT LOG OPENED 031894 20:28
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The Sysop is here.
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Yea, I would like adult access.
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How old are you?
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28 years old.
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<<Hold On>>
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<<I'm Back>>
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According to your user info your 12.
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no way I was born in 62'
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That makes you 32.
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Sorry I mean 1966.
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Well I don't believe you one bit. You'll need to wait 6 years little boy.
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You SUCK. I know someone who has millions of virus's and he'll u/l them
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all.
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Who?
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He's a freind of mine. He'll get you good. The Bibles Den BBS gave me
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adult access!
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Whats your handle on there?
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Its the same and I'll blacklist your BBS in our secret CIA net.
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I can bust in the Credit Bureau and ruin your Credit cards and make you
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life real bad. I can get into the FBI and make you a Madman. You are dead
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man! No one messes with Immortal. I'll send you a floppy and you'll run
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it and it'll blow up your monitor. I'll Kick You but!
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I'm already a Madman. I'm a Sysop.
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/bye
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NO CARRIER
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CHAT LOG CLOSED 031894 20:34
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<<pager off>>
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There is no Grammar scores or spell checking because, well, Grammatik
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had a CPU attack and had to be difloppulated back to life.
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A day in the life of a Government agent.
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By Vince Lortho
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6:30 am -Wake up. Find out wife and kids have moved out again.
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6:45 am -Get out of shower. Dry off gun. Get dressed in standard black
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suit. Check death threats on the Answer machine. Turn off
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all 6 six alarms (Infrared, Sonic, Heat, laser, magnetic,
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The club.
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7:15 am -Disarm bomb in the refrigerator. Receive call from nut down
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the street that thinks you killed JFK.
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8:00 am -Find suitcase, Cellular phone, and three concealed guns, head to
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work.
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8:15 am -Get pulled over by anxious cop for going 90 in a 45. Pull out
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badge, threaten cops job.
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9:00 am -Arrive at work. Go through standard Retina Scans, Voice scan,
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DNA scan, Aura scan, Decoder ring.
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9:30 am -Call UFO group- tell them that UFO's are going to attack planet
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tomorrow and throw in a couple Fake Project names.
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10:00am -Meet with Boss who you call Mr. Black. Get todays
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workload.
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10:30am -Call local pirate BBS. Download new Games.
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10:45am -Take photographs of some rich guy playing golf.
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11:30am -Have interview with Counterspy Magazine. Tell them that you
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and Proforce team MAJIC12 killed JFK and MLK.
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12:00pm -Have lunch with the guys who did kill JFK and MLK.
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1:00 pm -Install wire taps in high rise apartment building.
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Spend three hours listening to three way sex call.
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4:00 pm -Find some normal inter-office memos and stamp
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TOP SECRET on them. Black out all lines except the date
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and "Project Privacy invasion" and leave in cab.
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5:00 pm -Get home. Find out wife is back and taking all the furniture.
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Disarm bombs left by your kids and listen to death threats on
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the machine.
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6:00 pm -Call nut down the street. Say some random date and hang up.
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7:00 pm -Go on "Americas Most wanted" Pretend to take calls for an hour.
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Pick up $500 check. Go home.
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8:00 pm -Shoot Russian Assassin in closet. Write some disinformation
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and go to sleep.
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F.R.E. 70
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G.F.I. 7
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F.K.G.L. 5
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Top 10 Most Frequently Recalled Fisher Price Toys
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10. My First Machete
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9. Fragile Glass Vial of Mercury
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8. "Dad's Little Bartender"
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7. Balsawood 2000: Bargain Pogo Stick
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6. The Yugo
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5. Grab the Cop's Gun: A Game of Skill
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4. "My Tummy's a Pincushion" Kit
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3. G.I. Joe Garagiola
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2. "Now It's Too Hot!!" - The Hot Plate Game
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1. The Hairiest Ken Doll Ever
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Limit Congress to two terms: 1 on office and 1 in jail.
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Scotty. hurry. beam me" uragg^*úþM-^\ NO CARRIER.
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A)bort R)etry G)et a gun and kill it.
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All great truths began as blasphemies.
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Animals -- the renewable resource
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Beware of geeks bearing GIFs!
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Choosy perverts choose GIF.
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Democratic rule: "Confusion creates jobs."
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Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.
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Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs.
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ERROR 407: Program too idiotic.
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Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk. I dare you.
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Gun Control is being able to hit your target.
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Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.
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How many sex-restricted jobs require a penis or a vagina?
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How do I set my laser printer to stun?
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I'm from the government. I'm here to help you.
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If it works; always tear it apart and find out why.
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Iraq shot down 38 Patriot Missiles with their SCUDS.
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IRS: How much did you make last year? Please remit same.
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LOTTERY: Just a tax on people who are bad at math.
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Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
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Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload on the move.
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Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex
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REALITY.SYS corrupted -- Reboot UNIVERSE [Y,n]?
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Save the plankton - eat a whale.
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Tagline Lotto: ²²²²²²²²²²<- Scratch here to reveal prize.
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The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
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Windows: An answer to a question nobody has ever asked.
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VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
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We all live in a yellow subroutine.
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Our Official distribution sites:
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Places I can be reached:
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-=United States=-
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INTERNET
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Anonymous FTP site : ftp.erinet.com
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/pub/badsectr/Bad_Sector : Bad Sector Magazines
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/pub/badsectr/Patriot : OHIO Patriot Archives
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Email and submissions:
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(badsectr@erinet.com)
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Anonymous:(an124909@anon.penet.fi)
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--Ohio--
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Scotts Place BBS
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(513)236-9771 v.32bis 19.2 Acct: Vince Lortho
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(513)237-9776 v.32bis 14.4 Note: Great BBS
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(513)236-9786 v.32bis 19.2 4 CD's + 1.3 gigs
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Sysop: Scott Brown
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Fido: 1:110/615
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------------------------------------------------------------------
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Wolverines lair
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(513)422-9652 USR HST DS 16.8 Acct: Bad Sector
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Sysop: Peter Mengel Note: Renegade
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Fido: 1:110/525 alpha site.
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------------------------------------------------------------------
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CCS
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(513)424-2495 Boca 14.4 Acct: BAD SECTOR
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Sysop: Paul Sink Note: My first BBS
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Fido: <<No Fido>>
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------------------------------------------------------------------
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J&J's BBS
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(513)233-0917 (5 lines) Acct: Bad Sector
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Sysop: Joseph Caplinger & Joe Jr. Note: Great BBS
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Fido: <<No Fido>> First Distro site!
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2.3 gigs Total
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------------------------------------------------------------------
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Personal Payphone (513)743-9324 Ask for Piss Boy
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If you give over $100.00 donations I will write a two page
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Add-on how much of a great person you are and give you a floppy disk
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Chock full o' Bad Sectors.
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If Your BBS wants to be a distribution Site (I don't know why?) then
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Email me on these fine BBS's above or try to hunt down my Phone #.
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If you can get it I'll listen to ya. I only allow two BBS's in one area.
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I may allow one more Dayton BBS but only if they give me Leech status on
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their BBS. This magazine may be going onto the Internet. I not sure yet.
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Also I may have a couple of Groupies in Penn. and Belgium. I really don't
|
|
expect this Mag to go this far. I have heard rumors that Aliens abducted
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someone while reading this Mag and they have decided to invade. I contacted
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Zeta Reticuli II and they told me that it was a hoax and relations with
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the Democratic party are still intact.
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Disclaimer:
|
|
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to
|
|
real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where
|
|
prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank
|
|
number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment.
|
|
Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not
|
|
use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be
|
|
paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to
|
|
sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for
|
|
some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For
|
|
recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age.
|
|
If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable
|
|
parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to
|
|
change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage
|
|
necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes
|
|
acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size
|
|
fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substaintial amount of
|
|
non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the
|
|
forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use
|
|
only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox.
|
|
Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will
|
|
not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing.
|
|
Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not
|
|
responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages
|
|
resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At
|
|
participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use.
|
|
See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do
|
|
not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
|
|
Your cancelled check is your recipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid
|
|
contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is
|
|
properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher
|
|
west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not
|
|
eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some
|
|
questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure
|
|
prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for
|
|
this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped
|
|
in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only
|
|
in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with
|
|
same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here
|
|
if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not
|
|
include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children.
|
|
Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No
|
|
solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise
|
|
specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two
|
|
alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before
|
|
digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned
|
|
in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record
|
|
additional transactions on back of previous stub.
|
|
|
|
This supersedes all previous notices.
|