166 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
166 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
Houston Blinkie Letter
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October 15 American Nihilist Underground Society 1989
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Issue One Number 2
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Multiple Evils
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--------------
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Houston's Public Works department has switched from regular, good
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quality blinkies to heinously malfactured "Flasher Flares" made in Tampa,
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Florida. These absolute pieces of junk are being perpetrated upon the American
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public as real blinkies! This just isn't fair. They're easily identifiable by
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the fact that they are completely plastic. They have no holes in the sides to
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turn them off, and the only identification is a small, engraved "C.O.H" on the
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side and a "Flasher Flare" sticker on the side. The flasher heads on these
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blinkies do not turn but are fixed in a permanent side position. The only things
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holding these together are the points of contact between the two plastic shells.
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They usually only have one battery because of the lack of cohesiveness the
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blinkie shows. One actually fell apart in CD's hands. Needless to say, he was
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disgusted. His comment: "What a piece of shit!"
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Why Blinkies?
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an editorial by CC
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This question was recently asked of me as I sped away from a prime
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blinkie area with some friends. One of them spoke up: "But why do you steal
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blinkies? Get a stop sign or something." My response was pretty vague. But
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after some thought, I've come up with a list of reasons why blinkie thieving is
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the ultimate in petty theft.
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Blinkies are unquestionably one of the most joyous things you can
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steal. Maybe it's because they blink, or because they look right at home in any
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disaster area. I've found that blinkies liven up the decor in my house, as well
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as the houses of my friends. Also, they stimulate conversation and acts of
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rashness.
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Blinkies make the ultimate gifts. I've never known anyone to refuse
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one. Possibly it's because of the reasons mentioned above.
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Blinkies are a great source of free 6-volt batteries. If you're into
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electronics or just use a lot of batteries, you might considering picking up a
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blinkie some time.
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The actual theft requires little in the way of finesse and rarely much
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bravery, so it's a sport for everyone. Co-ed blinkie thieving is gaining
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popularity; see the upcoming article.
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Blinkie running is a versatile sport; it can be part of another form of
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entertainment or an after-party activity or just a solution to another boring
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Saturday in Houston.
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It's the best way I know to learn local geography. I've discovered
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numerous things about Houston by screwing up directions late at night.
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If you've ever been dicked around by the City of Houston, it's an easy
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and non-violent way to get revenge. Just steal 50-60 of their blinkies and
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they'll be writing out another check.
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This sport is good for your health. You get exercise and excitement in
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the same late-night package. Some people jog and love it. They're shitheads.
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I go out late at night and work off my beer belly stealing blinkies.
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You meet interesting people while blinkie running. Strike up a
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conversation with a security guard and find out when he patrols. Bullshit a
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cop. You'll gain new "people skills" by blinkie running.
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Blinkie running is an excellent 2-50 man sport. Whether you have five
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friends or fifty strangers, everyone can go blinkie running.
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It's a combination of these advantages that has accounted for blinkie
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running's popularity so far. At ANUS, we believe that blinkie running should
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be elevated to an organized sport, and recognize by the NCAA.
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Coed Blinkie Running
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--------------------
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Bring along some females the next time you go snag blinkies. Hopefully,
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they'll be drunk enough to actually steal one, but if they're not, you can
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always use it as an excuse to explore dark blinkie sites.
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Blinkie Running as a Team Sport
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-------------------------------
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Blinkie running is an excellent sport for two or three friends; but how about
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a competition? After a thorough review of the subject, it seems blinkie running
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would be an excellent sport for two teams of five people each. There are two
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ways to go once you have assembled your team. You can either decide the winner
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on a point value system or simply by however many blinkies they bring back.
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Point Value:
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Set up a chart as follows. A more expanded version can be found in the
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"Official ANUS Preferred Theft List."
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Blue Blinkie 50 pts.
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Red Blinkie 30
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Yellow Blinkie 50
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White Blinkie 40
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Green Blinkie 60
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Black Blinkie 70
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Or, you can specify by manufacturer, but that gets complicated. Sometimes
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other items find their way onto the list:
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Radar detector 200 pts
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Car Stereo 300
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Slow Children Sign 200
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Parking sign 100
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Dead Baby 500
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Toaster 900
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Stop Sign 300
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C64 010
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John Sculley 000
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As you can see, some items are worth quite a lot, and others are quite
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worthless.
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Counting:
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The other way is to have a drop off point, and have an impartial party count
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then, or to just count them at the end of the run and whoever has the most wins.
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Recent Successes:
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-----------------
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A recent blinkie run after late-night celebrations netted nine blinkies. This
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is generally not exceptional, but since only two ANUS members went, it was
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pretty decent. The good part is that three of the blinkies were stolen from a
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local mall from right under the noses of the security bacon. However, since
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that was "too" easy, the valiant blinkie runners moved on steal several blinkies
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which were discovered to be totally worthless.
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The Role of Blinkies In Hacking:
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--------------------------------
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Blinkies are a phreaker's best friend. They are excellent places to hide your
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/<0dezz sheets, and can obscure your modem from the view of anyone who might
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walk into your room and observe frantic hacking going on. They can also serve
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to block off your street for construction at both ends if someone might come
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knocking. Besides, they look good on top of an AppleColor monitor.
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Things to look for next issue:
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------------------------------
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We've put it off forever, but the ANUS crew is going to take the dreaded,
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expensive trip to a downtown hardware store and put to bed the nasty problem of
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those incredibly screwy bolts certain cities use to secure their blinkies. Any
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donations would be appreciated. Also, we'll feature a nutritional survey
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comparing the best foods to eat before a blinkie run. In addition, we'll have
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an in-depth review of America's beers.
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Music
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-----
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The Top Ten Blinkie Run Albums for the week of Oct. 14 - Oct. 21
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1. AC/DC - Highway to Hell
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2. AC/DC - Who Made Who
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3. Metallica - Ride the Lightning
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4. Queensryche - Operation Mindcrime
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5. Debbie Gibson - Fuck Authority
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6. AC/DC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
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7. Judas Priest - Ram it down...
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8. Iron Maiden - Number of the Beast
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9. Gunz and Rozez - Appetite for Pop Money
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10. Neil Young - Gasp and Wheeze
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"That's All, Folks!" -- Some Fucking Rabbit
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CC/CD/RF
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