109 lines
6.2 KiB
Plaintext
109 lines
6.2 KiB
Plaintext
|
||
|
||
The Art Of Blinkie Running
|
||
(an ANUS production)
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
by Captain Crapp and Vile Scent
|
||
Turd (713) 963-8529
|
||
|
||
Chapter I: Definitions
|
||
|
||
Many people, upon seeing this file, will exclaim in a tone of
|
||
bewilderment and curiousity, "What the fuck is a blinkie?"
|
||
A blinkie (avoidus splattus) is one of the flashing lights mounted on
|
||
top of sawhorses or stands that surround construction sites. They are usually
|
||
set to blink when it is substantially dark outside, or at least enough to be
|
||
dangerous. Blinkies are usually either secured to signs or sawhorses, or
|
||
attached to a single wooden plank either stand alone or on top of a crash
|
||
barrier. A single thick bolt runs through the blinkie and whatever it is
|
||
mounted on; the bolt may or may not have a protective shield.
|
||
A blinkie run is the actual act of stealing a blinkie or multiple
|
||
blinkies. A blinkie hunt is the act of finding a good place to make a blinkie
|
||
run. And, of course, a pig is a police officer, a pigmo is a police car or
|
||
van, a barker is a concerned citizen who reports a blinkie runner, and
|
||
Baco-Bits are security guards.
|
||
|
||
Chapter II: The Hunt for Red Blinkie
|
||
|
||
Naturally, at some point in his or her life, the average teenager will
|
||
wish to own a blinkie. Why? Beats me. But I love the hell out of having six
|
||
of them in my room. Many kids get their blinkies through friends, or buy them
|
||
from contacts, but I prefer to get them the old fashioned way. I steal them.
|
||
If you wish to steal a blinkie or more, I suggest that you plan the
|
||
pilferage in the following manner: hunt for a site, check patrol times and
|
||
visibility, secure an alibi and make the blinkie run. The more important steps
|
||
in this list are one and two, the most important of which is the blinkie hunt.
|
||
A blinkie hunt is a group outing in an innocuous-looking vehicle. You and your
|
||
friends spot areas where blinkies can be found. If you want only a few, look
|
||
for a secluded construction job. If you want many, look for a big site with
|
||
good visibility for you and infrequent bacon interventions. Check the bolts on
|
||
the blinkies, and the condition of the blinkies. No one wants a blinkie full
|
||
of battery acid, or a blinkie that has met its maker. If the location looks
|
||
promising, determine when the best time to thieve it is. Sometimes, broad
|
||
daylight is best because no one will notice or care, but will figure you are up
|
||
to something more heinous if you show up at night. Usually about 3:00-3:30
|
||
A.M. is perfect, because the pigmo patrols are infrequent at best, and
|
||
sometimes non-existent. Don't worry too much about this, because if you go
|
||
late enough or have a lookout you're going to be decently safe.
|
||
Once you have found your site, get your equipment together. I suggest
|
||
a large backpack lined with a dark blanket or shirt to mask blinking, and a
|
||
socket wrench with a 19 mm diameter cup. I have found this size to work best
|
||
with blinkies, at least in the Houston area. When you go on a blinkie run, it
|
||
is best to make sure beforehand that your tools will remove the little blinker.
|
||
Your backpack must be big enough to hold all of the blinkies that you want to
|
||
steal as well as something to cover up the blinking. I suggest an old camp
|
||
blanket. Also, it helps to have a friend or two along to help steal and keep
|
||
watch. Besides, talking to blinkies is boring.
|
||
As for an alibi, make sure you have a friend nearby who won't mind if
|
||
you say you were going to his house. Spending the night works best, as it
|
||
leaves an open curfew and plenty of time for multiple runs. Also, see if you
|
||
can get the friend to leave his garage open with a "blinkie box" in it for
|
||
depositing the trophies of your night's expeditions.
|
||
|
||
Chapter III: The Blinkie Run
|
||
|
||
This is it, the moment of truth. You have your vehicle ready, a full
|
||
tank of gas, backpack and blinkie tool stowed in back. You have a friend or
|
||
two ready to provide lookout and additional burglary help. Basically, you're
|
||
ready to go.
|
||
There are several important rules to remember while stealing the
|
||
blinkie. Number one is to do everything absolutely legally, excepting actually
|
||
heisting the blinkies. That way there is nothing that can snag you up unless
|
||
you get outright busted. If you get flashed as you pull away from the sight,
|
||
stop normally and ask what is the problem (with blinkie bag and tool in trunk).
|
||
The pig can't search your car, so just be polite and move on. He'll usually
|
||
hassle you for a while, especially if he is private piggery (i.e. village or
|
||
Baco-Bits). Don't sweat. Try to complete everything in under five minutes.
|
||
Don't have anything incriminating in view in your car. Don't brag about your
|
||
blinkie run beforehand. Let not your right hand know that your left hand is
|
||
stealing blinkies. And last, but not least, sacrifice one blinkie to the holy
|
||
blinkie god and give it to a friend. You can usually count on a return favor.
|
||
|
||
Chapter IV: The Aftermath
|
||
|
||
Take the blinkies you haven't given away home and stash them. Keep in
|
||
mind that they are activated by light level, so that a blinkie in a dark room
|
||
always blinks. Sometimes you can turn them off by inserting a straight piece
|
||
of thick wire into a hole in the front of the blinkie and pushing hard. If
|
||
that fails, take the blinkie down to two pieces, top and battery case bottom.
|
||
It's wise to keep them away from street-facing windows at night, or the local
|
||
piggery may get suspicious.
|
||
If you are really into blinkie thieving, you may find it is addictive.
|
||
Don't slack off on the precautions mentioned above, no matter how many times
|
||
you've taken blinkies before. For further discussion of blinkie runs, call
|
||
Turd at (713) 963-8529 and post on the subboard named "Blinkie Run." I preside
|
||
over it occasionally and would be glad to help you out.
|
||
|
||
Captain Crapp
|
||
American Nihilist Underground Society
|
||
|
||
|
||
P.S. - The blinkies in Houston are beginning to be outfitted with a new type of
|
||
bolt that requires a special tool. This will be covered in the next issue.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|