154 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
154 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
The Joy Of BlinkieFests
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by Captain Crapp/Vile Scent
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an ANUS production
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First, I would like to say that blinkie running, and blinkie
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fests, are not enjoyed by everyone, and that there is often
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a reason why people don't enjoy them. Some people are just
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not as psychotic as the rest of us. This doesn't mean that
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they're wimps, but I wouldn't bring them on something like a
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blinkie run as they are liable to screw up. Not that a
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blinkie run is a strenuous activity, but some people aren't
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made to do it.
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The Art Of Blinkie Running
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--------------------------
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If you haven't read my previous text file on the art of
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blinkie running, I suggest that you get it. It's up on TURD
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and some of the more flagrantly psychotic AE's around, so
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it's not that hard to find. But I'll review it because I
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want to waste copy buffer space:
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A blinkie is a night time safety flasher, usually found near
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or on construction, and an interesting conversation piece.
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Also, they're fun to steal.
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A pig is a law enforcement officer on duty.
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Bacon Bits are pigs off duty, usually as paid security
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people.
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Baco-Bits are fake pigs off duty; basically, they are just
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dumbass security people.
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A blinkie run is the act of stealing a blinkie.
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A blinkie fuck is a fucked-up blinkie run.
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The idea in a paragraph -
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Scan the site the day or night before. Bring a car, blinkie
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tool (19 mm or 3/4 inch socket wrench) and a straightened
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paperclip. If the blinkies have little holes in them, poke
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the clip into the hole and push. This should shut it down,
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but if it doesn't, just toss the blinkies into a large,
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thick bag and throw it in your car. Never do anything in a
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car except arrive, load blinkies in, and leave. You can
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always escape on foot, but never in a car. Don't break a
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law during the run except actually stealing blinkies. This
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is all simple, easy stuff. No sweat.
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Blinkie Fest
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The Blinkie Fest is a new form of entertainment gaining
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popularity because of its versatility and appeal to both
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sexes (who wants to get sweaty with a bunch of members of
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the same sex? c'mon). In a nutshell, the blinkieFest is
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sort of a modified scavenger hunt, except you usually only
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hunt for one thing: blinkies. There are three steps to
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setting one up: recruitment, preparation, and the actual
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run.
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Recruitment
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This is a good sort of thing to take your friends to some
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Friday night, mid-school year, when everyone's pretty bored
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with doing the same old shit each weekend, and there's a
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temporary beer drought. You need about three people plus a
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driver per car, and how many people you have come determines
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the number of cars you have (duhh). These people will need
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one or two blinkie tools per car, and probably some
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pillowcases or other shit for anything else they pick up if
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they get bored with blinkies.
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People to get:
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Reliable friends
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Drunk chicks
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Pyschotic friends
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People to avoid:
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Skeeve the Magician
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Acid Heads
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People who cringe when they do over 35 MPH
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Drivers need to be sober, of legal age and have cars in good
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shape. Cars to get are simple, old and usually non-descript
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Japanese or domestic vehicles. Avoid dad's BMW or your own
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flashy vehicle, since the pigs just LOVE to hassle you.
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Preparation
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Divide people up by cars, four to each vehicle, including
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driver. Make sure each car has at least two blinkie tools
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and several sacks to hide stolen stuff in, plus a place to
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hide it in the car. Also, make sure beer, guns, knives an
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fireworks are well hidden. If you want, a pair of
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walkie-talkies per vehicle is good, because that way you can
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have a lookout for really decent thieving.
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Everyone must have an excuse for staying out late. It's
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easy - if your parents are conservative buttheads who freak
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when you're out later than midnight, "spend the night" at a
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friend's house. Pick someone they trust to lie for you.
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Works every time. It's usually not a problem, though.
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BlinkieFest
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Now, take your friends, divide them up among the cars, and
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head out. I suggest giving each a point chart, such as the
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following:
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Cones 10
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Red Blinkie 25
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Blue Blinkie 40
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Stop Sign 50
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Police Car 300
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Yellow Blinkie 20
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Dip Sign 60
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No Parking 50
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Walk Light 100
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Century 21 50
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Road Sign 50
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Stop Light 300
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License Plate 90
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These make it all the more fun. Arrange for a rendezvous at
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about six the next morning at a safe location (alley,
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church) where the cars will meet up and count what has been
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thieved. Since there is ofte more stuff stolen than can be
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held per car, it's also good to have a friend's house where
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stuff can be dumped, or a parked car, or something of the
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sort.
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Have fun - and remember the ANUS golden rule: If it's not
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nailed down, it's free!
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Captain Crapp
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ANUS
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09/04/89
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