107 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
107 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
Weird News Volume Nine
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A PLATEFULL OF SMOG?
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- Scientists at the California Institute of Technology reported
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recently that the hydrocarbons and other particulates released
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when meat cooks accounts for one-fifth of the total particulates
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in the air in Los Angeles -- more than is accounted for by either
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gasoline of diesel engines.
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BAD MOVES
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- Tampa, Florida, school officials invited inmate Edward
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McIntyre, serving 90 years for kidnapping and assault, to a local
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high school to make an "inspirational speech" to students for Law
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Day. While he was there, he managed to escape through a restroom
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window.
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- Tommie Lee Jackson, 39, was charged in Santa Clara County,
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California, with sexual assault after he decided to force a 20
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year old woman to fellate him. She defended herself with her
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teeth. On of Jackson's testicles is in custody (OUCH!!!) in a
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plastic bag in the police property room. Said Detective Don
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Bacon, "It's just another piece of evidence." Jackson said the
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sex was consensual and that the woman simply couldn't take
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criticism.
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- According to long-secret documents recently obtained by the
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Canadian Press news agency, police in Ottowa tried during the
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1960's to identify every gay man in the providence and to prove
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their findings with a box they called the "fruit machine." Men
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were shown the box, containing erotic photos, and measurements
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were taken of each man's pupil size, palm sweat, and blood flow
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in order to tell if he was turned on. Files were opend on 8,200
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men and 395 were eventually kicked out of government service.
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(Not a bad idea!!)
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- In a January issue of the New England Journal of Medicine,
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doctors in Australia reported on the puzzling case of a man who
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periodically spat up blood, but only on Saturday and Sunday
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nights. The doctors finally isolated the problem: The man is a
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harmonica player at a local club, and his technique is to use his
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tongue so vigorously that he ruptures blood vessels ("harmonica
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player's hemoptylsis").
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- Responding to employee complaints, Kansas Bureau of
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Investigation supervisors forced agent Scott Teeslink, the KBI
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media spokesperson, to end his grooming practice of wearing
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women's underpants in his coat's breast pocket in place of the
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usual handkerchief. Teeslink said he engaged in the practice
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only because the underpants better matched his tie.
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DOES IT EVER END?
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- Edward L. Hennessy retired after 12 years as chief executive
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of the Allied-Signal conglomerate. Hennessy was so poorly
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respected that his departure caused the value of Allied-Signal
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stock to rise. In fact, the value of Hennessy's own stock in
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Allied-Signal grew by over $7 million -- just because investors
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believed the company would be better without him!
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- The Southern California Air Quality Management District
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reported that tree resin and sap pollute the air, accounting for
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as much as 250 tons a day of "vegetation hydrocarbon."
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- Eastern Airlines, out of business since declaring bankruptcy
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in January 1991, is continuing to make campaign contributions
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through its Political Action Committee, which still had about
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$50,000 to spend as of early May.
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- Nine year veteran Navy Petty Officer Francine Adams, out of
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work for two days in Virginia Beach, Virginia, with a concussion
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resulting from a fight with her boyfriend, was herself
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reprimanded for the fight. A Navy official said Adams has
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repeatedly sought counseling about relationships for four years.
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UH DUH!
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- In May, Glamour magazine reported an error in its June issue
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that had just hit the stands: The 500mg of boric acid tablets
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three times a day with meals" to avoid yeast infections must be
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taken vaginally, not orally. (Not just another hit - huh?)
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DISGUSTINGLY WEIRD
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- Louis Arnaud, 72, was set for trial in Wheeling, West
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Virginia, in May in the murder of a local businessman, John G.
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Christakis. Police said Arnaud's motive was his irritation at
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how cluttered Christakis kept a warehouse formerly owned by
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Arnaud. Arnaud's lawyer said Arnaud's defense is that his dog
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implanted the idea in his mind that "the Greek [Christakis] must
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die" when the dog stuck its tongue inside Arnaud's mouth during a
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playful session.
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NO APPRECIATION
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- In June, John Richard Nosler was convicted of shooting Armando
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Marra to death in 1990 because Marra was insufficiently grateful
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for the loaf of bread Nosler had bought him in San Francisco.
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Nosler, according to his statement read at trial, said, "Marra
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rudely said, `Well, give it to me.' This was the comment that
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actually pushed me over the edge." Nosler shot Marra four times,
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then, according to his statement, said to himself, "Well, I can't
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stop now," and continued to fire, emptying the gun.
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