103 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
103 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
Weird News Volume 8
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BRAIN DEAD?
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- Havard University and McLean Hospital in Belmont, Mass, have
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established a center to analyse tissue from the brains of people
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who die after having suffered from mental illnesses. However,
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physicians have encountered trouble getting mentally ill patients
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to agree to donate their brains. Asked one physician, "How do
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you ask someone to donate his brain to science who thinks their
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brain is under the control of radio waves from Mars?"
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JUDGE 'EM ON THEIR OWN STANDINGS
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- Steven L. Johnson, 40, sentenced to two years in prison in
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Brookings, SD, for drunk driving, explained to the judge, "I
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enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the most
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pleasurable habits I've had."
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- The title of Dr. June Stephenson's new book (Diemer/Smith,
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$20) on why crime is essentially a male pursuit, running $300
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billion a year: Men Are Not Cost Effective.
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- According to Salt Lake City police, a 27 year old woman called
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911 because her husband refused to have sex with her. By the
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time the police arrived, the nearly nude woman had begun beating
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her husband, who offered as his reason for lack of desire an
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exciting Utah Jazz basketball game on TV.
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- Coshocton, Ohio, high-school band director Charles Carothers,
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denying allegations that he sat two female students on his lap
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and fondled them: "I don't allow anyone to sit on my lap unless
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it's my daughter or my wife."
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- John Hurst, a disoriented man taken to a mental health center
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after he was discovered propping a ladder up to the second floor
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of the Kennedy family estate in Palm Beach: "I'm looking for my
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wife. I think she may be up there." **shit, why not? You know
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them Kennedy's!!**
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- John F. Thanos, asked his sentencing preference after he had
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been found guilty for a 1990 murder, had the choice, said the
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judge, of the death penalty or "life in prison without the
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possibility of parole." Thanos, failing to capture all the
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details of the second choice, replied that he'd take the "life in
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prison with the possibility of escape." The judge gave him the
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first one.
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PARENTS FROM HELL
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- Donna Clark, 26, and Paul Kramer, 31, faced various charges in
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Merchantville, NJ, when Clark allegedly grabbed $216 worth of
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film and walked out a drugstore. The couple's names were
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provided by their 6 year old son, who was in the store at the
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time but who was forgotten by the couple as they were making
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their get-away.
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- According to police in Knoxville, Tenn, Bobby Rose, 36, trying
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to avoid arrest for a traffic violation, threw his 2 year old
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child at the feet of the officers to slow them down as he made
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his get-away.
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- Georgia state Rep. Henrietta Canty went on a hunger strike to
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protest the arrest of her son, who was jailed for failing to make
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court ordered child support payments.
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- Tammie Guthrie, 28, was indicted for manslaughter in Baton
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Rouge, La. Police said that she allowed her one year old to
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drown in a bath tub while whe was in an adjacent room having sex
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with a 15 year old boy.
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REAL WEIRD
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- Milwaukee mayoral candidate Gregory Gracz, president of the
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local firefighters union, was accused of having exposed himself
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to a young female firefighter in an incident at a convention.
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Gracz denied the charge, but Mellisa Fojtik staked her
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credibility on her knowledge that Gracz has a distinctive mole on
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his penis. Pojtik said also that one of Gracz's colleagues told
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her that they were "musketeers" - that he, Gracz, and others
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had "crossed penises" in a show of solidarity.
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MORE STUPID PEOPLE
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- David Thomas Soloman, 35, at the Clermont, Fla, police station
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to file charges against his wife for hitting him, allegedly
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became fixated on a bag of marijuana (confiscated in another
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case) on Detective Danny Cheatham's desk and, according to
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Cheatham, "literally begged me for it and stated he wouldn't tell
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anyone where he got it." Cheatham then set up a hidden
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microphone in another room, sold the drugs to Soloman there for
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six bucks and then arrested him.
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OH MOMMY!!??!!
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- Paul Arbitelle, 17, was charged with the attempted murder of
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his mother in Danbury, Conn. He threw a hatchet at her because
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she failed to properly toast the bagel for the sandwich she had
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made for him.
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