171 lines
8.8 KiB
Plaintext
171 lines
8.8 KiB
Plaintext
101 Uses For Wood Bugs (those bugs that curl into a ball)
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By: David Hooper
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Victoria, BC
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with a few suggestions from Snagglepuss
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1 Play marbles with them
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2 Paint green; a nutritious substitue for kids who don't eat their peas
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3 Stir-fry in vegetable oil; popbugs
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4 Balls in organic pinball machine
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5 Trackball in a very small mouse
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6 Pets that double as ear plugs
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7 Ball bearings in light-duty machinery
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8 Ammunition for pea shooter
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9 Freeze, then substitute for soup croutons; scare mom
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10 Use as roller in gigantic Bic ball point pen
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11 Scoop out insides; paint bright colours; beach ball for hamster
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12 Scoop several dozen into empty tin can; cover; shaker for Reggae music
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13 Heads of large push pins
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14 Puree in blender; add to Ovaltine to improve the taste
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15 Fashionable, self-adhering earrings
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16 Paint white; imitation pearl necklaces & other jewelry
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17 Feed pet tarantula
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18 Fit with miniature shovel and and sample jar; use to take soil samples
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19 Clear stuffed-up nasal passages (you figure out how)
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20 Play joke on pet Venus Flytrap
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21 Test flypaper
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22 Dip in coloured ink; put on white fabric; create new-wave cool T-shirt
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23 Scoop out insides; flatten; glue several million together; sell to
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Polish space administration as spacecraft heat sheild
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24 Pull off legs; sprinkle on your favorite flavour of ice cream
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25 Replace worn out ball on tip of car's radio antenna
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26 Handicap for people like Michael Jordan and Larry Bird; substitute for
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normal basketball
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27 Fill holes in swiss cheese
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28 Put a dozen or so in straight line; roll and smoke
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29 Solder legs into printed circuit boards; organic computer chips
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30 One-sided dice in Dungeons & Dragons
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31 Crunchy Thanksgiving turkey stuffing
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32 Play Chinese Checkers
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33 Collect some flies and one hornet; CAREFULLY pull off wings; using wood
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bug as ball, play Russian Jacks (in the spirit of Russian Roulette)
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34 Paint orange; use in fish pond as buoys
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35 Feed to pet garter snake; tell people snake is rattle snake
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36 New and upcoming style: Woodbug-washed jeans. Just add to laundry
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37 Mix with gelatine; tapioca substitute
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38 Pick large mushroom; turn upside down; inscribe numbers; place wood bug
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near center and spin. (makeshift Roulette wheel when lost in woods)
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39 Coat with phosphorescent material; poke under dresser; find lost coins,
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jewelry, parking tickets, etc. (not for use with some dressers)
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40 Collect 88 of them; teach how to jump up and down; put on piano keys and
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teach them to play rag-time; sell piano and bugs to old-style bar
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41 Vibrating ball in police whistle
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42 Inject steroids; enter in 1 m insect dash
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43 Paint black; use as ornaments in leather clothing and accessories
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44 Collect three; step on two; insert in electrical socket so your baby
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doesn't get electrocuted
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45 Spread rumor that they are an aphrodisiac; sell for $20/dozen
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46 Collect as many as you can; put between two sheets of glass; with panels
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for top, bottom and sides; fill with dirt; instant science project
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47 Breed near nuclear power plant; sell offspring to museum as newly-
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discovered species of insect
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48 Teach to smell guns, knives and drugs; improve airport security
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49 Puree and add spider parts, orange Cool-aid and Draino; sell to high-
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school kids as "Zit B Gone"
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50 Throw on floor in front of unsuspecting pedestrians; substitute for
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banana in old practical joke
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51 Sneak a colony into hardwood fine furniture store that wouldn't give you
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a good deal
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52 Sprinkle from balcony during horror film
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53 Put in asynchronous orbit above Earth's ozone hole; absorb harmful rays
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54 Put thousands in giant spray can; mother-in-law repellant
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55 Scoop out insides; fill with cocaine; shove up nostril
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56 Place 200 on 8-1/2 by 11 sheet of Saran Wrap; put in photocopier; sell
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as genuine microscopic photograph of flea's tongue
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57 Carefully balance on a needle point; earthquake detector
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58 Paperweight for book of Prime Minister Mulroney's greatest achievements
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59 Throw on roof; test rain gutter system of house
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60 Drop in bottle of Coke; re-seal; sue Coca-Cola company
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61 Put in belly button; videotape; market as 'Aliens' type horror movie
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62 Put in peanut butter, cookie jar, deep fat fryer, etc; appetite
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suppressant for dieters
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63 Impale 91 of them on 13 steel rods (7 on each); shishkabob serving 13 or
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makeshift abacus
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64 Coat with sodium metal; dump in toilet; while away a boring afternoon
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65 Scoop out insides; put in veterinarian-prescribed medicine; feed to dog
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66 Collect and fill wax paper bags; put in colourful boxes; sell as extra-
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crunchy cereal that doesn't go soggy in milk
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67 Figure out how they reproduce; win Nobel Prize and/or Playboy publishing
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deal
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68 'Special' treat for bratty trick-or-treat'ers
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69 Paint red and green; hang on miniature Christmas tree
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70 Dump in a model town in Miniature World; film; low-budget horror movie
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called "Night of the Giant Wood Bugs"
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71 Scoop out insides; paint several shades of green; army helmet for baby
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pet lizard to play with
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72 Replace worn out water-level guage in iron
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73 Collect 12 pieces of string and 12 wood bugs; use string as lane
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dividers and have a swim meet in your own bathtub
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74 Coat with phosphorus; throw in toilet; turn out lights; flush and take
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photograph, keeping the shutter open for 20 seconds; sell to astrology
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lab as photo of a swirling group of comets
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75 Cross genes with cannabis plant; grow self-rolling marijuana
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76 Coat with ferric oxide; insert in hard drive; clean up bad sectors
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77 Paint red; find somebody named William and put it on their head; test
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your aim with various firearms
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78 Drill six holes in a rectangular cut-out from a felt shoe insole; paint
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14 wood bugs different colours, half with stripes, and one white and
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one black; use toothpick as cue; Pocket Pool
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79 Add a little excitement to a night at the opera: try to throw in fat
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lady's mouth
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80 Wrecking ball for demolishing Mr. Roger's Neighbourhood
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81 Flip up in the air and try to catch in your mouth; test to see how drunk
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you are (although if you resort to this test, you must be wasted anyway)
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82 Cure fear of insects; take five daily or as directed by a physician
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83 Send on space missions instead of astronauts; use smaller rockets and
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save $ millions in fuel
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84 Tie to string; coat with green slime; hang from top frame of doorway;
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keep annoying salesmen away
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85 Pee in small test tube; put in wood bug and stopper; carpenter's level
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86 Shove up patient's nostril; eat away brain tumors
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87 Test fly swatter
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88 Trade with Indians for what's left of their land
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89 Scoop out brains; glue to Atari ST motherboard; operating system upgrade
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90 Coat with hairspray, styling gel and mousse, various colors of spraypaint,
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5-minute epoxy and 10W30 motor oil; style Billy Idol's hair for him
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91 Shifter knob in Austin Mini
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92 Fishing lure
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93 Spitball ammo (fill your mouth for that rapid fire action)
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94 Bowling balls for you pet slugs
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95 New, exciting shapes for Frosted Lucky Charms
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96 Filling for bean bag type chairs
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97 Squash and mix with sugar; cover with rich milk chocolate; Reese's Wood
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Bug Butter Cups
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98 New high-protein substitute in Pork 'n Beans
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99 Extras for the up and coming movie, "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids Again"
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100 Attractive, cost-effective replacement for those worn-out dentures
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101 Discussion topics for guys with nothing better to do.
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That's 101 (count 'em) fabulous, inexpensive uses for the little critters!
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Have fun!
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
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Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
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Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
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arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
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insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
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Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
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where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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