textfiles/humor/wisdom

          WORDS OF WISDOM 
  
  Murphy Was an Optimist........
  
  No good deed goes unpunished.
  
  Leakproof seals - will.
  
  Self-starters - will not.
  
  Interchangeable parts - won't.
  
  There is always one more bug.
  
  If you're feeling good, don't worry,
  you'll get over it.
  
  Friends come and go, but enemies 
  accumulate.
  
  If you try to please everybody,
  nobody will like it.
  
  A short cut is the longest distance
  between two points.
  
  The chance of a piece of bread
  falling with the buttered side down
  is directly proportional to the cost
  of the carpet.
  
  No one's life, liberty, or property
  are safe while the legislature is in
  session.
  
  Anything you try to fix will take
  longer and cost more than you
  thought.
  
  A $300.00 picture tube will protect
  a 10-cent fuse by blowing first.
  
  Any tool dropped while repairing a
  car will roll underneath to the exact
  center.
  
  When a broken appliance is demonstrated
  for the repairman, it will work
  perfectly.
  
  Everyone has a scheme for getting
  rich that will not work.
  
  When in doubt, mumble.  When in
  trouble, delegate.
  
  It is morally wrong to allow suckers
  to keep their money.
  
  Nature always sides with the hidden
  flaw.
  
  Celibacy is not hereditary.
  
  Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes
  to the bone.
  In case of doubt, make it sound
  convincing.
  
  If everything seems to be going well,
  you obviously don't know what the
  heck is going on.
  
  Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
  
  You will always find something in the
  last place you look.
  
  No matter how long or hard you shop
  for an item, after you've bought it,
  it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
  
  The other line always moves faster.
  
  In order to get a loan, you must
  first prove you don't need it.
  
  If you fool around with a thing for
  very long, you will screw it up.
  
  If if jams - force it.  If it breaks,
  it needed replacing anyway.
  
  The repairman will never have seen a
  model quite like yours before.
  
  A pipe gives a wise man time to think
  and a fool something to stick in his
  mouth.
  
  Everyody should believe in something-
  I believe I'll have another drink!
  
  Build a system that even a fool can
  use, and only a fool will use it.
  
  You will remember that you forgot to
  take out the trash when the garbage 
  truck is two doors away.
  
  There's never time to do it right
  but there's always time to do it
  over.
  
  Anything good in life is either
  illegal, immoral or fattening.
  
  A bird in hand is safer than one
  overhead.
  
  Everything East of the San Andreas
  Fault will eventually plunge into
  the Atlantic Ocean.
  
  The light at the end of the tunnel is
  the headlamp of an oncoming train.
  
  Never sleep wth anyone crazier than
  yourself.
  
  To know yourself is the ultimate form
  of aggression. (Freudian Psychology)
  
  A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
  
  If more than one person is
  responsible for a miscalculation, no
  one will be at fault.
  
  Never argue with a fool, people might
  not know the difference.
  
  Anything that can go wrong, will go
  wrong.
  

 You can never tell which way the
 train went by looking at the track.

 Whenever a system becomes completely
 defined, some damn fool discovers
 something which either abolishes the
 system or expands it beyond
 recognition.

 If builders built buildings the way
 programmers wrote programs, then the
 first woodpecker that came along
 would destroy civilization.

 The attention span of a computer is
 only as long as its electrical cord.

 Tell a man there are 300 billion
 stars in the universe and he'll
 believe you.  Tell him a bench has
 wet paint on it, and he'll have to
 touch it to be sure.

 All's well that ends.

 The first myth of management is that
 it exists.

 New systems generate new problems.

 We don't know one millionth of one
 percent about anything.

 Any sufficiently advanced technology
 is indistinguishable from magic.

 Nothing motivates a man more than to
 see his boss putting in an honest
 day's work.

 the primary function of the design
 engineer is to make things difficult
 for the fabricator and impossible for
 the serviceman.

 Ater all is said and done, a heck of
 a lot more is said than done.

 A complex system that works is
 invariably found to have evolved from
 a simple system that works.

 Computers are unreliable, but humans
 are even more unreliable.  Any system
 hich depends on human reliability is
 unreliable.

 Under the most rigorously controlled
 conditions of pressure, temperature,
 volume, humidity, and other variables
 the organism will do as it damn well
 pleases.

 Fill what's empty. Empty what's full.
 And scratch where it itches.

 The only perfect science is
 hind-sight.

 If it's not in the computer, it
 doesn't exist.

 When all else fails,
 read the instructions.

 Everything that goes up
 must come down. 

 Any simple theory will be worded in
 the most complicated way.

 The degree of technical competence is
 inversely proportional to the level
 of management.

 Logic is a systematic method of
 coming to the wrong conclusion with
 confidence.
 
 Technology is dominated by those who
 manage what they do not understand.
 
 The opulence of the front office
 decor varies inversely with the
 fundamental solvency of the firm.
 
 An expert is one who knows more and
 more about less and less until he
 knows absolutely everything about
 nothing.
 
 All great discoveries are made by
 mistake.
 
 Nothing ever gets built on schedule.
 
 A meeting is an event at which the
 minutes are kept and the hours are
 lost.
 
 A failure will not appear till a unit
 has passed final inspection.
 
 To err is human, but to really foul
 things up requires a computer.
 
 Any given program, when running, is
 obsolete.
 
 A computer makes as many mistakes in
 two seconds as 20 men working 20
 years make.
 
 To spot the expert, pick the one who
 predicts the job will take the
 longest and cost the most.
 
 Any circuit design must contain at
 least one part which is obsolete,
 two parts which are unobtainable and
 three Parts which are still under
 development.
 
 If mathematically you end up with the
 incorrect answer, try multiplying by
 the page number.
 
 If you can't understand it, it is
 intuitively obvious.
 
 All things are possible except skiing
 through a revolving door.
 
 Work smarder and not harder and be
 careful of yor speling.
 
 If an experiment works, something has
 gone wrong.
 
 If there is a possibility of several
 things going wrong, the one that will
 cause the most damage will be the one
 to go wrong.