textfiles/humor/welfare

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EXAMPLES OF UNCLEAR WRITING
Sentences taken from actual letters received by the Welfare department on
applications for support.
1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven,
but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
2. I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two
years old. When do I get my money?
3. Mrs. Jones has not had any cloths for a year and has been visited
regularly by the clergy.
4. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?
5. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
6. This is my eight child. What are you going to do about it?
7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living
with can't eat or do anything until he knows.
8. I am very much annoyed that you have branded my son as illiterate.
This is a dirty lie, as I was married a week before I had him.
9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing ten pounds.
I hope this is satisfactory.
10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children; one of
which is a mistake as you can see.
11. My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago, and I haven't
had any relief since.
12. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead
a immortal life.
13. You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make a difference?
14. I have no children as yet, and my husband is a truck driver and works
days and nights.
15. In accordance to your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the
enclosed envolope.
16. I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been ill in bed with the
doctor for two weeks, but he doesn't seem to do me any good. If things
don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.