74 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
74 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
Waitresses
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After many hours of research in an uncountable number of restaurants and
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diners, I feel the need to alert the public about a threat to mental health
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that has gone unchecked long enough. I am, of course, talking about waitresses
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and the misery they can turn a simple meal into. Hopefully, this study of the
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different types of waitresses will lead the way to further study and possibly
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to the elimination of this threat.
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The first type of waitress is common to fast food establishments and can be
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identified by their pert little uniforms of bright colors. This type of
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waitress does not truly serve you, but simply takes your order and presents you
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with what is being sold as food. Their attitude is nonexistent, since they
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rarely stop dreaming about boyfriends or parties long enough to get your order
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straight. If you wish to examine the fast food waitress further, I suggest
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that you pull your car into any of the many drive-thurs now in vogue.
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Just as common as the fast food waitress is the diner frau. These can be
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found in greasy spoons all across the country and can be recognized not by the
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uniform they wear, but by their general unkempt appearance. They greet you
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with a "What-ill-ya-have?" and then proceed to tell you the only thing still
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available on the menu. They have the attitude that if you do not find
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something to your liking, you can leave. If you study this type further, be
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sure that you leave a tip early in the meal or be prepared to wear your dinner
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for the rest of the evening.
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The third type of waitress, known as the barfly, is far more dangerous than
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either of those studied so far. They can be found in about half the bars in
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the country and are by far the easiest to recognize. You cannot miss them.
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Their dress attracts the eye of every male patron in the place. Since their
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service is limited to drinks and an occasional sandwich, they rely mostly on
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their looks and personality to earn their tips. The fact that your Jim Beam
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and Seven-Up is pink and tastes like a Sloe-Gin Fizz is no reason to panic.
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They will be happy to return it and have the bartender mix you a fresh one.
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After the bartender has mixed about four fresh drinks for you and you are
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presented with the check, you realize the barfly is not speaking very clearly
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anymore and you have been buying the drinks. Warning; the study of this type
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can prove hazardous to your physical, as well as, mental health. Drinking can
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be habit forming.
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The hardest type to identify is found in restaurants and supper clubs.
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These are the professionals. Their dress and general appearance give no clue.
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Their friendly personalities and truly helpful attitudes tend to lull the
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customer into a false sense of security. They take your order promptly and
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will serve you a good hot meal; moreover, they will return time and time again
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throughout the meal in order to check on your progress and hurry you along.
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They will watch and wait for you to take a large bite of something, before
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approaching the table on these visits, so you cannot possibly give them an
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answer to their question "Is everything all right?". This will cause you to
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bolt down the meal and provide an empty table for the next sucker to come
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along. The professionals gather large and frequent tips because of their
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caring attitude and further study is not recommended due to the cost involved.
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The future will, no doubt, hold many more types of waitresses which will
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require study and this report is not to be considered final.
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(c) 1984 Scott Brumbaugh
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Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
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Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
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Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
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where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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