54 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
54 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
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GETTING THROUGH LIFE'S TOUGH STAGES
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Being a baby is not much fun. You can't tell people what you want. No
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teeth, so you eat things like strained beets. No privacy. Your pants smell
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awful half the time. All those things that you'd love to put in your mouth,
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and they're out of reach. People try to sleep all night when you want some
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attention.
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However, being a little kid is not a lot of laughs. Your parents make
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you go to bed too early. There are bogeymen hiding in the shadows in your
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room. You don't have any money. You have to go to school. Big kids terrorize
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you on the playground. Your parents won't take you to the movies you really
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want to see..
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Your teeth get a zillion cavities and then you lose them and can't eat
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corn on the cob. You have to clean up your room. You can't wait until you are
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a teen-ager.
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Being a teen is grim. Either you grow too fast or too slow. Your parents
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won't buy you really cool clothes. Evil spirits invade your room at night and
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sprinkle zits on your face. Fierce blasts of hormones race through your
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body. Advertisers constantly bombard you with images of sex, and then you are
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instructed that sex can kill you. You can't borrow the car tonight.
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Perhaps you make it to college. College is angst-ridden. Pass these
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courses or abandon hope of getting a good job. You have to watch your
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political correctness every minute, and you still can't get a date. On
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weekends you feel compelled to drink vast amounts of beer, which you don't
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enjoy all that much, and then barf it up, which you enjoy even less. And then
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the basketball team doesn't make it to the NCAA tournament. The real life of
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adulthood must be better.
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Young adulthood has its drawbacks. You have to go to work for some old,
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out-of-touch jerk. You can't afford a house. You can't afford a car. You can't
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afford to get married, although you do anyway. Then you have kids, so you can
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afford even less. No more partying all night for you, bud. Your youth is over.
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Middle age is unsettling. Once you craved hip, stylish clothes; now your
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main fashion requirement is elastic waistbands. You no longer understand the
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wild music they play on the radio., You drive your kids crazy by giving them
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the same lectures your parents have you. It's obvious you'll never be rich
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or famous, but everyone's always asking you for money anyway. You actually
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start thinking about retirement.
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...Tony Gabriele
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Gannett News Service
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===============================================================================
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Another text file from STONEHENGE BBS [415] 479-8328
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===============================================================================
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