170 lines
6.5 KiB
Plaintext
170 lines
6.5 KiB
Plaintext
From pasteur!ames!ll-xn!husc6!hao!boulder!cu-den!udenva!jtrim Sun Jan 24 18:03:02 PST 1988
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Article 9049 of rec.arts.startrek:
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Path: pasteur!ames!ll-xn!husc6!hao!boulder!cu-den!udenva!jtrim
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>From: jtrim@udenva.cair.du.edu (Jeff Trim)
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Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek
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Subject: The NEXT, NEXT Generation - how it all began!
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Message-ID: <9703@duorion.cair.du.edu>
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Date: 17 Jan 88 09:19:40 GMT
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Reply-To: jtrim@udenva.UUCP (Jeff Trim)
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Organization: U of Denver
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Lines: 156
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Picard: "Personal log: Star Date 11.34.5. Wesley and I have beamed down to
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the Sixth Planet of the Ceti Alpha Six System. I have high hope that
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this will be a great place for people "Wesley's Age" to play on. That
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is why I have asked him to accompany me on this VITAL mission.
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Wesley: "KKKHHHHAAAANNNNNN!!!'
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Khan: "Who is this little sh-t?"
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Picard: "Oh...uh...this is Captain..er..I mean Ensign Wesley of the USS
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Enterprise."
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Khan: "I see. WHY ARE YOU HERE??"
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[ Picks up Wesley by his shirt ]
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Picard: "Uh, Kind Sir, would you please put him down?"
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Khan: "This seems to bother you. WHY???"
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Picard: "Oh..uh....no reason. Never Mind."
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Khan: "That's what I thought. Let me introduce to you the only remaining
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indigious life form that keeps this series going. Script Writers"
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Wesley: "NOOOOOO!!!!!"
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Picard: "Oh God, no!"
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Khan: "You see they enter through the households of millions of consumers and
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without them, you wouldn't have a job! As you can see...not quite
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domesticated.."
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[ Enter Script Writer! - Bob ]
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Bob: "Okay Khan, I'll take it from here."
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Khan: "WHY?????"
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Bob: "Khan, pick your check up at the door now, thank you! Look, I can see
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that this is all my fault. I have been instructed by God...er..I mean
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Gene not to stray into orginality, rather to stick with the old-tried
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true series of 25 years ago."
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Picard: "Quick Wesley, I want you to get us out of this mess!"
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Khan: [ Wispers to Script Writer ] "Look the series is not over. All you
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have to do is put a Ceti EEL into Wesley ear and no more problem. And
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as for you, start writting original scripts!"
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Bob: "Original Scripts. What the Hell do you mean Original Scripts?? Don't you
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realize the time and money we spend going back through 25 year old re-runs
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and copying line for line, word for word..."
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Khan: "WHY????"
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Bob: "Oh Shut-Up Khan!"
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Bob: [ Flips open the Communicator ]"Kirk are you getting all this?"
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Kirk: "Right I am Bob. Boy you are in a rut."
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Spock: "Spock here Bob - If I may say, Logically speaking the logical idea would
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be to TRASH the kid and series and try this one again Bob. You really
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created a bunch of garbage this time around. Obviously what we need now
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is a new team of script writters who are not afraid to come up with
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original ideas."
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Bob: "Okay Spock, but what about this...Wesley...how can I deal with a Motzart
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that can do absolutely.everything.possible.and.always.be.right.about.
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everything."
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Spock:"That's your problem. Spock out."
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Bob: "Okay...fresh idea....Okay - Khan come back in here!"
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Bob: "Okay Wesley stand over there, yeah that;s right, right next to that
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extra with the phaser. Good Boy. Now Khan, your next line will be
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"Die Weakling Fool", okay?"
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Khan: "WHY???"
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Bob: "THAT'S IT!! I QUIT!!! Gene - get down here and finish this d-mn thing"
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Gene: "Alright Bob, pick your check up at the door"
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Gene: "Picard, call the ship. And I want you to Surrender and turn all control
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over to the Betazoid, okay?"
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Picard: "Sure why not, Gene. Picard to Ryker, I want all control of the USS
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Enterprise given to the Betazoid."
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Ryker: "But Captain, I am "Your Number 1" arn't I?"
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Picard: "Just a second... [puts the communicator down ] Gene?"
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Gene: "Yes, Picard, what is it?"
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Picard: "Ryker's my "Number One" right?"
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Gene: "Boy - I can't imagine how I got someone as dumb as you! I should have
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left you on DUNE. When that was a complete flop I knew I was in for
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a real let down. How will I ever face the boys at Paramont.
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Picard: "Ryker - uh..Yes you are still my number one. Let me talk to Diana
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Troi now okay?"
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Gene: "While your at it Ryker - take one last smile at the camera and YOU can
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pick YOUR check up at the door. Bye now."
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Ryker: "NOOO!!!!! I look great in front of the camera!"
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Gene: "CUT! Okay folks this is really enough. I remember back when i created
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all of this - this Star Trek was MY IDEA..MINE, MINE, MINE,MINE,MINE,
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look what they've done to me! Wesley's and Picards, Betazoids...look
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at this mess. How could they possibly come up with such rediculous
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characters. Well this is IT! Come in Troi"
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Troi: "Here Gene - Are you in great pain?"
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Gene: "God - I can't even get a simple feeling across these people. YES I
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AM IN GREAT PAIN. Listen - I want you to tell the crew for me that
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I appreciate all that they have done - if Yar gives you any trouble
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let her be the one to destroy the ship - she'll appreciate it okay?"
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Troi: "Gene - I feel resentment, anger, depression, annoyance, as if you are
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correcting a great mistake. I want you know that I FEEELLLL it too."
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Gene: "Nice of you to CARE Troi. Pick your check up at the door!"
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Gene: "Wesley my boy, come here son. Wesley - I have leaned that 99.9% of the
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viewing audience is below the age of 12. That is why when the NEXT,
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NEXT, Generation comes out I want you to command it okay?"
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Wesley: "GEEE GOLLY Mister Roddenberry that would be swell. You sure are the
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greatest Gene."
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Gene: "I thought you'd like that, as for your crew, we'll have Buffy from
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BattleStar Galactica as your second in command, and Howdy-doddy as
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your navigator."
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Wesley: "Boy - I can't wait"
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[ two weeks later ]
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Space, the Final Frontier......These are the Voyages of the Wesley and the
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NEXT,NEXT Enterprise, and it's on going useless (Mozart to the stars) mission
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to seek out things that nobody cares about and make them worse than they
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allready were.
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+--------------------------
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The authors would like to say that the ABOVE is meant ONLY as a joke. NO, we
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don't want to see the new show canceled - but we would like to see a few things
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changed :-). This is only a joke...
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Please E-Mail ALL Flames - don't post them to the net.
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Jeff Trim and George Playdon - 1/16/88
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