65 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
65 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
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How To Survive the Terrible teens--
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An owners guide
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Q:How can I recognize an Adolescent??
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A: You can tell the adolescent not so much by the way he looks as by the way
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he slams the door in your face after you have said something offensive, such
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as "hello."
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Q: In what way has he or she gone awry??
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A: Let me count the ways. For one thing, he eats 12 meals a day in stead of
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3, having acquired the eating habits of a giant termite. If he continues to
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grow at the present rate, his body will one day be in proportion to his mouth.
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For another thing, he no longer requires sleep. He can go to bed at 4 AM and
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get up at 7 AM, and not be any grouchier than usual. Also, his intelligence
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has grown to the point where he knows everything, including what you were
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about to say. But perhaps most important, he no longer talks to you as if you
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were his parents, but annoying creatures from the planet stress put on earth
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to pester him.
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Q: Does he recognize us as parents??
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A: No on knows for sure. All that can be said with certainty is that we are a
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tremendous source of embarrassment to him. Also threats of smacking him or
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cutting off his allowance only serve to make him angrier. He thinks we are
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stupid enough as it is.
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Q: In what other ways has he changed??
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A: Where once he was polite and well mannered, he now bleches in public. He
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responds to all questions with terse phrases such as "Leave me alone" He
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rarely receives homework from school, and when he does, he is able to dipatch
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it in under 30 seconds while you are not looking. He also has scheduled 225
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study halls tommorow morning, so not to worry.
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Q: Where does the adolescent live??
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A: Male adolescents still tend to live in their rooms, which alternately been
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described as lairs or sties. Females may live in their bedrooms or the
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bathroom or any other part of the house with a phone or a hair dryer, or
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simply at a friends house. Most seek privacy to the point of reclusivity.
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Q: What does the adoslescent do in his room??
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A: Is is beleived that he tries to communicate with aliens living in other
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galaxies by turning up the stereo loud enough so that they can hear it. No
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one knows for sure if he is successful, but if not it is because aliens are
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deaf.
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Q: What does the Adolescent want??
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A: The adolescent desperately wants to grow a third ear that he does not have
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to remove his walkman while talking on the phone.
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Q: How is the adolescents health??
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A: He suffers from a hideous form of body blight(called acne) which he tries
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to treat by eating dozens of Twinkies and drinking gallons of soda.
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Q: Is there anything I can say or do to get through to the adolescent, to help
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Guide him through this difficult period, to be his friend??
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A: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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-/Vuarnet International/-
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617/527.oo91
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24oo-16.8k HST/V32bis
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