243 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
243 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
|
||
-:+)-=================-(+:-
|
||
! Rock !
|
||
! and !
|
||
! Reggae !
|
||
-:+)-=================-(+:-
|
||
The Story of Nick
|
||
and the intergal-
|
||
actic Break Dancers
|
||
|
||
By Torqa Dun
|
||
-ANARCHY INCORPORATED-
|
||
|
||
|
||
It was a regular day for Nick Retroblast, intergalactic stud on the loose.
|
||
He woke up that day and put on his BRUT 33 aftershave and his "macho look"
|
||
jacket and hit the spaceways. Little did he know that this would be the
|
||
strangest day of his life. Zooming towards the planet Whompa in his Flopover
|
||
i23g Metrocruiser, when suddenly a large Kelly-Green Cadillac cruiser with the
|
||
the words "Guido and the Burritos break-dance squad" pulled up and Le'roy and
|
||
Ty'rone leaned out the window and says "Hey Honky! yo's blockin' the rode!"
|
||
Well, nick didn't want to fuck with these dudes so he does the best thing:turns
|
||
his banana-blaster on overdrive and blasts the shit out of the back rockets.
|
||
Well, in a desperate move, Ty'rone blast some heavy
|
||
"BOOM-CHICKA-BE-BOP-BE-DE-DOP-DE-BOOM-BOOM-CHICKA WHIZZ BANG!" Nick's way and
|
||
his "Rock Machine i23g" can't take this and begins to spin towards the planet
|
||
below, right along with Guido's band of merry Be-Boppers. "Damn electric break
|
||
shit" Nick mutters as he plummets through cloud and haze. Nick hits the
|
||
"emergency land" button and shoots out a stream of candied yams to cush}iion
|
||
his fall. When the i23g lands, Nich sees the soul brothers, Guido, Ty'rone,
|
||
Le'roy, Skully, and Jo'jo, collecting themselves and donning their sparkly
|
||
break-jackets with Michael Jackson* gloves scintillating in the sunlight, armed
|
||
with a 40-ton Ghetto-Blaster that Jo'jo (1500 lbs) was a-totin'. Guido steps
|
||
forward and says
|
||
|
||
"Lissen here honky, you crash our car"
|
||
"Shootin' that 'nanna like you some kinda star"
|
||
"Bro, you be messin' with the baddest break crew"
|
||
"And before this day's done there'll be nothin' left of you."
|
||
"So heed our warnin' and move yo' face"
|
||
"Cos' Guido's boys are a-tkin' this place!"
|
||
|
||
Nick is shocked at the primitive communication these boys are spewing out,
|
||
and decides he isn't going to stand for this shit. So, grabbing a handful of
|
||
yams, he hurls them at Guido with a very satisfying SPLAT. Quido's boys don't
|
||
take well to this and turn the Bro-myoosic up to 10!
|
||
|
||
WHIZZA-FLIZZA-SHIKA-SHAKA-KHAN-KHAN-CLIP-DIP-FLIP-BOOM-CHICKA-BAM
|
||
CHAKA-BOOM-BOOM-DE-BEEP-BOP-KAN-KAN-WHOOSH-PLOP-PLOP-SCREEAAMMM!
|
||
|
||
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Nick yells as his ears resound with the noise
|
||
of the Bro-music. He picks his own blaster out of his cruiser and grabs some
|
||
tapes, then runs off towards a large structure in the distance. As he runs, he
|
||
notices the sign: WELCOME TO BIZARRO-WORLD. Well, Nick might run, but the
|
||
Bro's just -slide- along, moving their bodies wildly so that they look like
|
||
epileptic seizure vicims. Nick ducks into the nearest structure marked "Ronald
|
||
McDonaldland%" and hides behind Grimace%. The Bro's are in hot pursuit and
|
||
break on into the playground..as Le'roy circles Grimace% Nick pushes it over,
|
||
pinning Le'roy to te ground. Guido yells "FUCK!" and whips the "F" and "U"
|
||
from the dialogue bubble above his head. He hurls these at poor Nick Ho gets
|
||
splatted by the "U" and falls to the ground. He yanks a Frisbee off a near-by
|
||
Frisbee tree and knocks Guido's top-hat into the mud.
|
||
|
||
"You honky mother"
|
||
"You dipped my hat"
|
||
"Me and my boys"
|
||
"Gonna get'cha fer that!"
|
||
|
||
(can't these soul brothers talk in anything besides rhyme?)
|
||
|
||
Nick takes off and drops one of the tapes in his rush. It sinks into the
|
||
ground and, being a Twisted Sister tape, out grows Dee Snider! he sheds his
|
||
roots and comes after the soul Bro's. Well, being innovated Bro's, they go
|
||
into their best break moves, like the dreaded "Dick-spin+" and "Killer nose
|
||
twist+".. Well, Dee, being really a wimp at heart, begins to get enthralled by
|
||
the music and starts be-boppin' with the Soul Brothers. Guido and his boys
|
||
take off leaving Dee spinning into the ground. Nick hops into the waiting (of
|
||
course! it's fiction!) Countash 5000S turbo and screeches around to try and
|
||
run down his adversaries. Well, Guido wishes really hard he had a huge
|
||
Ghetto-Blaster and KA-BLAMMO! There stands a 50' blaster complete with
|
||
equalizer. This is no normal equalizer, this is a SOUL-BRO (R) equalizer with
|
||
settings like "get-down" and "beat streat" and "beat-off". Being the person he
|
||
is, Guido naturally chooses Beat-off. Upon laying his finger upon the button,
|
||
this huge sound issues from the blaster:
|
||
|
||
"WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA!"
|
||
|
||
Nick's Countash is overtaken by this and flips over in a fit of pops and
|
||
whizzes. Being resourceful, Nick does the most sensible thing: Runs his ass
|
||
off. Ducking into a large manufacturing plant which says "Kellog's" with this
|
||
huge picture of a very stupid looking tiger, he feels safe. But the soul
|
||
brothers are right behind him. They spot Nick behind a crate and Guido chants
|
||
|
||
"Snag that Honky's bare white ass"
|
||
"Shoot him some Pince#, he's got class"
|
||
"Then take his body, broken and dry"
|
||
"Throw it on his momma's doorstep, man, she'll die!"
|
||
|
||
Ty'rone whips out a Purple Rain# tape and plays the song "Darling Nikki" and
|
||
it gets Nick so horny he turns around and fucks the drainpipe behind him! In a
|
||
flash of sanity, Nick removes his tool and leaps headlong into the vat of slop
|
||
that makes up "Rice Krispies$". The "SNAP-KRACKLE-POP" of the little rice guys
|
||
swimmin' around anbd partying off all the goop (it contains a small amount of
|
||
heroin, enough to get these rice dudes happy (that's why they make the sound)),
|
||
well, the sound gets Guido and the Burritos a-hip-hoppin' to the beat of these
|
||
get-down Rice-Krispies$.. Nick hauls himself out of the vat and grabs a hose
|
||
nearby leading to another vat marked "Fruity Pebbles$" Nick aims it at Guido &
|
||
Gang and plasters them to the wall. When he turns around to run, however, Tony
|
||
the Tiger is$ standing there saying "What the fuck do you think you are doing
|
||
with my kwalitee sugar-coted cereal??!!". All Nick really cares about is
|
||
getting the hell out of here, so dumps Tony into the vat. Running like the
|
||
wind, he ducks into "Packaging". Here he waits behind the door for the Soul
|
||
Brothers to get in here. Sure enough, the Bro's come breakin' in and Nick
|
||
yells "Stevie Wonder is gay!" and dives off the platform towards a conveyor
|
||
belt! The Burritos follow after him, and in midair Nick grabs a cable from the
|
||
cailing as the Burritos and Guidos hit the conveyor with a sickening thud.
|
||
|
||
"AAAAAAA---AAWAAWAAWAAWAAWAA" Yells Nick as he sails through the air (with
|
||
the greatest of ease) and lands on the other side in time to see the Burritos
|
||
come out packaged as Coco-Puffs $. Nick laughs at the irony as he connects
|
||
"coco" with these black dudes. Nick runs outside into the sunlight into the
|
||
Forest of Capital letters. Nick takes refuge in the top of a "Y". You forget,
|
||
Nick is a STUD! He falls asleep and when he awakens he hears in the distance:
|
||
|
||
"Hey there faggot high atop that 'Y' "
|
||
"Better get ready 'cos you goin' bye-bye"
|
||
"Haul your ass down from your place"
|
||
"'Cos here we come to splatter your face!"
|
||
|
||
Was Nick scared? Nope. He took off through the garden of KILLER ADRESSES
|
||
and was suddenly attacked by a ravenous 9DBFG looking for lunch. He was able
|
||
to get rid of it by Control-C'ing it, but A huge $ffff opened it's $ and
|
||
started towards Nick. No control C's handy, he would have to improvise.
|
||
Hauling down a Hi-:res page he covered it in graphics from "DIG-EM" and it died
|
||
from sheer horror. Out of danger for now, but the Burritos were closing.
|
||
Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light and Nick was beamed aboard the
|
||
Flagship Frodo (713-987-4163) and is met by Marvin, the friendly robot.
|
||
Meanwhile, the Bro's have hitched up with =>ARNOLD SHWARTZENEGGER<=, the
|
||
=>TERMINATOR!<= soon the two ships cruise up to each other and Arnie's ship
|
||
overtake's Marvin/Nick's. The Soul Brothers jam on in and Marvin exclaims,
|
||
"Nick-unit, go and waste Arnie! i'll keep these break-units occupied!" Nick
|
||
runs off throughout the ship and Arnie puts in a tape..
|
||
|
||
"CHAKA CHAN LET NE ROCK YOU LET ME ROCK YOU CHAKA KHAN"
|
||
"LET ME ROCK YOU THAT'S ALL I WANNA DO"
|
||
"CHAKA CHAN LET ME ROCK YOU LET ME ROCK YOU CHAKA CHAN"
|
||
"LET ME ROCK OYU 'COS I FEEL FO' YOU"
|
||
|
||
And the boys begin Be-Boppin' on the floor, overcome by the AM-kwalitee
|
||
myoosic coming from Marvin....
|
||
|
||
KLIK-BAMA-WHAM-BAM-CHIKK-BE-DE-DEE-BOPPO-SOCKO-WHIZZ-ELECTRIC-
|
||
BREAK-SHIT-SLIP-SLIDE-FIZZ-TINKE-WINKE-CRASH-BE-WHOMPA-BIZ-BANG
|
||
|
||
Nick meets Arnie and Arnie whips out his trusty SPAS 12 autoloader shotgun,
|
||
and Nick says "Fuck that!" I've got a rocket launcher! (Where did he get it?
|
||
I dunno) BOOM! the panel nex to Arnie looks like fucking Jell-o/ bloody
|
||
pudding. Thoom-Thoom. Arnie fires at Nick, two more panels go splat (bad aim)
|
||
from Nick's fire! Nick fires again but Arnie ducks the shot and Nick
|
||
accidentally steps on an intergalactic spacemouse, causing it to shit all over
|
||
the place. Arnie hits this same stuff and falls right on his mechanized ass.
|
||
Nick realizes weapons are useless and runs like hell. He comes across Guido
|
||
And The Burritos and the myoosic gets into Arnie's brain and he fucking dies!
|
||
But all this break-shit gets into Marvin's mind and he is captivated by this
|
||
primitive body gyrations and butt bruises. He says
|
||
|
||
"Break dancing, the way of the brother."
|
||
|
||
Jo'jo moon-walks up to Marvin and says "You say that, Honky Motherfukkah?"
|
||
|
||
So Marvin gives in to the way of the Burritos and joins the break troupe,
|
||
Be-Bopping across the floor on his wheels, even teaching Guido something.
|
||
|
||
Nick, seeing this escapade yells "Marvin! Remember the Alamo!!!" Marvin,
|
||
with his intellectual brain, links the Alamo up with break dancing, and, in a
|
||
fit of intelligence, chuks the tape out the porthole !!
|
||
|
||
The breakers, in a fit of insecurity, beam down to a neighboring planet,
|
||
"Disk-Drive" and come across an intergalactic Salvation Rmy lady ringing her
|
||
bell, and start Be-Bopping to this beat that that hot chick (75 years old) id
|
||
dishing out. Marvin and Nick hop out of the Trans-Mat beam and tackle the
|
||
lady! It soon turns into a Gang-Bang and the old crone is yelling "harder!
|
||
yes!" (She's tight as a nun) and when the dust clears, Marvin is sitting on the
|
||
Breakers who are all broke-out (booo..bad one) and Nick corrals them and gives
|
||
their Black asses to the old lady as a gift.. She will get out the whips and
|
||
chains when she gets home..
|
||
|
||
And off Nick and Marvin go, into the sunset, RATT playing softly in the
|
||
background.
|
||
|
||
THE END
|
||
--- ---
|
||
|
||
This has been an
|
||
|
||
-ANARCHY INCORPORATED-
|
||
PRODUCTION.
|
||
|
||
BASED ON AN ORIGINAL CONCEPT ON THE SHADOW KEEP BBS'S
|
||
STORY BOARD.
|
||
|
||
THE FOLLOWING ARE TRADEMARKS INDICATED BY VARIOUS CHARACTERS.
|
||
|
||
* DENOTES A TRADE-MARK OWNED BY THE FAG WITH GREASY HAIR ENTERPRISES, MICHAEL
|
||
JACKSON PRES.
|
||
|
||
% DENOTES A TRADE-MARK OWNED BY THE GREASY FOOD ENTERPRISES, RONALD McDONALD
|
||
PRES.
|
||
|
||
# DENOTES A TRADE-MARK OWNED BY THE OVER-SEXED SHRIMP INC, ALL HORNINESS
|
||
RESERVED.
|
||
|
||
+ DENOTES A TRADE-MARK OWNED BY GUIDO AND THE BURRITOS BREAK TROUPE, ALL
|
||
BROKEN BONES RESERVED.
|
||
|
||
$ DENOTES A TRADE-MARK OWNED BY SUGARY GLOP CEREALS, TONY THE TIGER PRES.
|
||
|
||
/ DENOTES A TRADE:MARK OWNED BY "THE SHIT THAT LOOKS LIKE BRAINS" A SUBSIDARY
|
||
OF JELL-O CORP.
|
||
|
||
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
|
||
|
||
THIS ITEM MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. IF YOU READ IT, SEEK IMMEDIATE PSYCHIATRIC
|
||
HELP. IF YOU WROTE IT, YOU SHOULD BE LOCKED UP.
|
||
|
||
THANX:
|
||
------
|
||
|
||
LED ZEPP
|
||
--- ----
|
||
THE SURGE
|
||
--- -----
|
||
THE DAREDEVIL
|
||
--- ---------
|
||
DOCTOR DOOM
|
||
------ ----
|
||
THE DATA GENERAL
|
||
--- ---- -------
|
||
GUIDO
|
||
-----
|
||
|
||
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
|
||
|