60 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
60 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
Top 20 Signs that the Enterprise is Nearing the End of its Warranty
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20: Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
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19: Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
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18: Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
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17: Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner
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of warp coil now held up by phone book.
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16: Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
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15: Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
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14: Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image
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from flickering.
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13: Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through
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squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
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12: Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
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11: Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side
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become too steep for crew to climb.
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10: Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2
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people on board.
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9: Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by
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ten thousand care bears.
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8: Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft Macaroni
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and Cheese.
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7: Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
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6: Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either
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stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.
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5: Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in Wesley's
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shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.
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4: Ship's dryer indiscriminantly shreds crew's uniforms, and related
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problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with
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Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
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3: Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty
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please with sugar on top".
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2: Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are
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exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.
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1: Saucer section separates whenever ship makes a left.
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-/Vuarnet International/-
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617/527.oo91
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24oo-16.8k HST/V32bis
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