textfiles/humor/sorority.gir

From montys@tekigm2.MEN.TEK.COM Tue Sep 26 18:27:11 1989
From: montys@tekigm2.MEN.TEK.COM (MONTY SMITH)
Subject: Canonical List of Sorority Girl Jokes

Mandatory warning to all those latent women-haters who are trying to
learn to deal with their problem:

PLEASE BEWARE!!
The following posting will cause thousands of women to be beaten,
burned and killed.  This kind of trash only perpetuates hatred of
women and Greek letters!  Do not read this!!  I repeat:  DO NOT READ
THIS!!!

And now, a note for the rest of us:

Back by popular demand!!!
For those hundreds, nay, thousands of net-oids who DEMANDED that I
repost this, here it is!  Please remember to use the command:

"w sorority"

to save it into a file.   Enjoy!

(ed. note:  Am I missing any?  Please e-mail any additions to my as I
may not catch them if they are posted.)


               THE CANONICAL LIST OF SORORITY GIRL JOKES
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

What does a sorority girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.
	
What is the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.
You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.
You can't fit a sorority girl inside a bowling ball.

How are a sorority girl and a bowling ball alike?
You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in 
the gutter and they always come back for more.

What is the difference between sorority girls and hookers ?
Sorority girls cost less per score.

What is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant?
About 40 lbs.
How do you equalize the two?
Feed the elephant.

What's the first thing a sorority girl does in the morning?
Introduce herself.
Walks home.

What's the difference between a sorority girl and the Titanic?
Only 1500 went down on the Titanic. 

How can you tell if a sorority girl has achieved orgasm?
She drops her nail file.

What's a sorority girl's favorite wine?
"Daaadddy, I want to go to mi-ammmmi."

What do you get when you cross a sorority girl with an ape?
Don't know. There is only so much an ape can be forced to do...

Why is a sorority girl like a door knob?
'Cause everyone gets a turn.

How do you get a sorority girl in your bed?
Grease her hips so she'll fit through the door and throw a twinkie on
the bed.

Did you hear about the new sorority girl doll?
You put a ring on her finger and her hips expand.

A sorority girl was hitch-hiking along an empty desert highway.  After 
five or six cars had passed her without even slowing down, she decided she 
really wanted out of there.  She decided the quickest way to get someone's
gang.  The gang spotted her, and acted quickly.  They drug her off into
a side canyon and gang-dressed her.

What's the difference between sorority girls and garbage?
Garbage gets taken out once a week.

What do you call 100 sorority girls sun-bathing on a beach in Cuba?
Bay of Pigs.

What do you call a sorority girl hang-glider festival?
Multiple total eclipses.

What is a sorority girl's mating call...
"I'm soooo drunk,  I'm sooooo drunk!"

What is the difference between a sorority girl and a toilet?
After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.

What do you get when cross a lawyer with a sorority girl??
Nothing.  There are some things a sorority girl won't do.
I don't know, but it sure enjoys screwing people.
I don't know, but when it sucks your cock, it does't stop until it
gets blood.

1) Tri Delts; I'm sure everyone else has.
2) If your date won't, Tri Delts.
3) Once you've tried everyone else, Tri Delts.

and

2)     __________         __________
       \        /   /\    \        /
        \      /   /  \    \      /
         \    /   /    \    \    /
          \  /   /      \    \  /
           \/   /________\    \/

       Tri Delts:  Two out of three go down.

What do fraternity boys call hemorrhoids ?
Speed bumps.

What's the difference between a sorority girl and a dog ?
Drivers will swerve to miss the dog.

How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call Daaaaddy.
7, one to change it and six to go out and buy Tab (or diet Coke).
65, 1 to do it and 64 to sing and clap.
One.  She holds on to it and the world revolves around her.
Six.  One to screw it in and five to make the T-shirts.
Ten. Nine to stand around scratching their heads, and one to
   get her boyfriend to do it.

Why is a sorority girl like railroad tracks?
She's been laid all over the country.

What three words will a sorority girl never hear?
"Attention K-mart shoppers"

Why does a sorority girl close her eyes during sex?
So she can fantasize about shopping.

What is a sorority girl's favorite sexual position?
Facing Bloomingdale's.

What's the difference between Jell-o and a sorority girl?
Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

What do you call a sorority girl's waterbed?
The Dead Sea (Lake Placid is also OK).

How can you tell if a sorority girl's a nymphomaniac?
She'll make love the same day she has her hair done.

What's a sorority girl's idea of natural childbirth?
No makeup.

What's the difference between a sorority girl and a barracuda?
Nail polish.

How do you prevent a sorority girl from having sex?
Marry her.

Whats the difference between a sorority girl and a broom closet?
Only 2 men fit inside a broom closet at once

What's the difference between a telephone booth and a sorority girl?
You don't need a quarter for the sorority girl.

What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?
A circus is a cunning array of stunts.

What's the difference between a sorority girl and garbage?
Garbage smells better.
Sorority girl attract more flies.   

What' the difference between a sorority girl and a vacuum cleaner?
Nothing. They both suck.
You can buy a new vacuum when you get sick of it.
You can buy a new vacuum when it no longer sucks.
When a vacuum cleaner is full of sh*t, its easy to dump the old bag.
A vacuum cleaner can't suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

How do you get four sorority girls on one chair?
Tell them there's a rich guy sitting on it.
Turn the chair upside down and put one sorority girl on each leg.

What's the difference between a tribe of sly pygmies and a 
sorority girl track team?
The tribe of sly pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts.

What is the difference between a sorority girl and a rooster?
In the morning a rooster says "cock-a-doodle-doo", while a 
sorority girl says "any-cock'll-do"

What do you call 24 sorority girls walking down the street?
A case of Schlitz.

What's the difference between a sorority girl and parsely?
You don't eat parsely.

Why are a sorority girl and a tampon similar?
They are both stuck up cunts.

What does a frat boy say to a girl that refuses him?
"Have another beer."