144 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
144 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
Date: 8 NOV 1976 2343-PST
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Subject: HUMOR OF THE DAY
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a284 1630 04 Nov 76
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AM-Brite and Brief, 440
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SAN MATEO, Calif. (AP) - A sympathetic robber is on the loose in
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this San Francisco suburb, police say.
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The masked robber was lurking in bushes Wednesday night waiting for
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a victim. When a 24-year-old woman emerged from a nearby restaurant,
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he jumped out, pulled a gun on her and demanded her money.
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According to police, the woman handed over her purse, but told the
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robber she only had $1.25 and had a child at home to support.
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The bandit handed back the purse unopened and told the woman: ''I've
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got kids, too.''
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---
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HINSDALE, N.Y. (AP) - When Donald Kent saw his 1973 auto being
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driven away from his farm near this southwestern New York community
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Wednesday, he ran to the garage to get his 1972 model and chase the
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car thief.
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The 1972 auto also was missing.
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Police in Euclid, Ohio, said they recovered the 1972 car early
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Thursday and arrested a youth who was driving it. The 1973 model was
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still missing.
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---
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CARTERVILLE, Ill. (AP) - John Yack is having trouble getting people
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to take off their clothes and model for his art students.
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''Basically, it's a position not many people want to get into,''
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says Yack, an assistant professor at the Southern Illinois University
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school of technical careers near Carterville. ''I wouldn't do it.''
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The campus newspaper, the Daily Egyptian, has been running ads for
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nearly a month looking for one or two people for nude modeling,but
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Yack says he's not getting any takers.
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Yack says it isn't like people must think. ''People think they're
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going to have a lot of people around looking in windows. It's a closed
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class.''
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The instructor says this is the first year he has had a problem
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getting nude models.
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''Today, with all the double-x and triple-x rated films, I'm having
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more trouble getting people and I just don't understand it.''
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---
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PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) - A Portland newspaper is having trouble getting
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rid of the phantom automobile it created.
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A year ago, reporters for the Oregon Journal registered and obtained
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license plates for a non-existent auto to illustrate what it called
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the lax practices of the Oregon Motor Vehicles Division.
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After publication of the story, the Motor Vehicles Division erased
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the phantom auto from its computer memory banks and reportedly
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tightened procedures for obtaining auto titles.
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But the car must still be in an imaginary garage somewhere.
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Journal reporter Fred Lesson has received a letter from the Ford
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Motor Co. urging him to take the non-existent auto to a dealer to
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correct a safety defect in the windshield defogging system.
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1930pED 11-04
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***************
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a037 0156 02 Nov 76
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PM-Light, 430
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On The Light Side
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School Really Stinks
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ROCKAWAY, Ore. (AP) - When students at Neah-Kah-Nie High school in
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this coastal community came home and told their parents that ''school
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stinks,'' they really meant it.
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Principal Jess Kennison said that Halloween prankste4s had turned
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five skunks loose in the building overnight.
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When officials opened the doors Monday, their noses quickly told
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them it would be impossible to conduct classes.
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Administrators chased the skunks away, sent home the students who
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had already shown up, and began defumigation efforts.
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---
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n028 1027 07 Nov 76
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BC-FUNNIES 2takes 850
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By FRED FERRETTI
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c.1976 N.Y. Times News Service
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NEW YORK - Both of the classified advertisements in the
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October 16 issue of the Saturday Review were at the very
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least intriguing.
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The first one read:
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OWING TO UNFORTUNATE computer error, our company has
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manufactured 30,000 road maps of New Jersey with wrong U.S.
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Highway numbers and with all cities of more than 30,000 population
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mistakenly identified by name from Armenian map. We are recalling
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1500 maps already distributed, with apologies to users, and
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are offering remaining 28,500 maps in single lot to highest
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bidder. SR Box W.H.
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And just a bit below it there was this:
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WE SINCERELY REGRET error in placing decimal point in our
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instruction book contained in our home kit: Build Your Own
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Zeppelin. On page 27, please cross out line: ''It is imperative
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to keep helium level at 6.42 at all times in order to maintain
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altitude.'' Correct sentences should read: ''It is imperative
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to keep helium level at 64.2 at all times in order to maintain
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altitude.'' We will be glad to replace parts damaged through
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unplanned landings owing to unfortunate printer's error.
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Zeppelin Home-Kit Building Co., Lakehurst, N.J.
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So a curious correspondent wrote to SR Box W.H. and to Lakehurst,
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New Jersey.
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The envelope to Lakehurst came back stamped ''unknown,''
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which was somewhat disappointing to the sender who had envisioned
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receiving reports of forced zeppelin landings in South Jersey.
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More surprising was the reply from SR Box W.H. The response
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was from Norman Cousins, editor of Saturday Review, who wrote
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the classifieds as gentle hoaxes. ''I'm the guilty party,''
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his letter read. ''Each issue contains one or two computer-error
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items that are pure concoctions. This is my way of getting
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even with the damned machines.''
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The ''damned machines'' were, he said in a subsequent chat,
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computers that ''digested the names of subscribers without
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leaving a trace when we were starting up Saturday Review
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again a few years ago.'' And so Cousins was, he said, ''waging
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a bloody war, a very bloody war, with computers.''
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(MORE)
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1107 1326pes
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***************
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n029 1032 07 Nov 76
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BC-FUNNIES 1stadd
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NEW YORK: computers.''
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Virtually every issue of the magazine has at least one ''computer
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error'' ad, or ''funnies'' as Cousins's secretary, Emily
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Susskind, calls them.
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Computer errors have been responsible for ads asking to
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dispose of:
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16,000 dozen Chinese fortune cookies with air-raid instructions
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printed inside.
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2,000 left-turn signs with the arrows pointing right.
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285,624 Idaho license plates with the letters printed backwards.
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Dress patterns with 24-inch waists and 44-inch hips.
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Triangular bedspreads.
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A parrot that imitates George Burns, but only between 3
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and 4 a.m.
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329 marine compasses polarized west.
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2,200 unkickable footballs.
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Peppermit candy canes with the hoops in the middle.
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1107 1332pes
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***************
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-------
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