160 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
160 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
From stuart@rassilon.UUCP Fri Jun 23 05:30:07 1989
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Flags: 000000000001
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Path: molokai!milano!cs.utexas.edu!inebriae!think!bloom-beacon!watmath!looking!funny-request
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From: stuart@rassilon.UUCP (Stuart Freedman {x3262})
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Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
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Subject: Residency in New England
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Keywords: political & state stereotypes, funny
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Message-ID: <3553@looking.on.ca>
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Date: 23 Jun 89 10:30:07 GMT
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Sender: funny@looking.on.ca
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Lines: 143
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Approved: funny@looking.on.ca
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Reply-Path: rutgers!att.att.com!io!rassilon!stuart
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(From: WEDOIT::DAMICO "JIM DAMICO DTN: 261-3257")
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Forms for NH and MA
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Application for Permission to Live in New Hampshire
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NAME: _____________________________________________________________________
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ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary)
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White ( )
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TYPE OF CARS OWNED:
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Pickup Truck ( )
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You don't own any Foreign cars, do you? NO ( )
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CAR EQUIPMENT:
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Gun Rack ( ) Stash ( ) CB ( ) Beer Holder( )
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Playboy air freshener ( )
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BUMPER STICKERS:
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"Ex-wife in trunk" ( )
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"If Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Guns" ( )
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"Bush/Quayle" ( )
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"Shit Happens" ( )
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"If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk" ( )
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SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual ( )
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FAVORITE CAUSE: NRA ( ) Prolife ( )
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Total given to these causes in the last 12 months: ________________
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FAVORITE DRUGS:
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Grass ( )
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WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?: (check all that apply)
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Democrats ( ) Welfare ( ) N.O.W. ( )
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FAVORITE BEER:
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Miller ( ) Michelob ( ) Bud ( )
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FAVORITE POLITICIAN:
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Don't Care ( )
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CLUB MEMBERSHIPS:
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NRA ( )
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How Automatic Weapons do you own?
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5 ( ) 10 ( ) More than that ( )
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FAVORITE TV SHOW: Benny Hill ( )
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Application for Permission to Live in Massachusetts
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NAME: _____________________________________________________________________
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(extra space left due to new social awareness)
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ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary)
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Eskimo ( ) American Indian ( ) Hispanic ( ) Asian ( )
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African-American ( ) American-African ( ) Black-American ( )
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Other Group With A Long History Of Oppression By White Males ( )
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(specify, so we can help you form a political action group)
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___________________________________________________
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TYPE OF CARS OWNED (pick two):
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SAAB ( ) Volvo ( ) BMW ( ) Mercedes ( ) Honda ( )
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You don't own any *American* cars, do you? NO ( )
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CAR EQUIPMENT:
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Blaupunkt ( ) Passport ( ) Escort ( ) Vuarnet Sunglasses ( )
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Stash ( ) CD ( ) Cellular Phone ( ) Ski Rack ( )
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Bicycle Rack ( ) Wine Rack ( )
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BUMPER STICKERS:
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"You can't hug a child with nuclear arms" ( ) "Greenpeace" ( )
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"Dukakis/Bentsen" ( ) "Save the Whales" ( ) "Farms not Arms" ( )
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SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Gay ( ) Lesbian ( ) Other ( )
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(note: failure to give the proper answer to the above means you can't
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live in certain towns on the Cape, or get elected to Congress)
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FAVORITE CAUSE: Whales ( ) Baby Seals ( ) Snail Darter ( )
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Total given to these causes in the last 12 months: ________________
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FAVORITE DRUGS:
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Crack ( ) Coke ( ) Grass ( ) Kitty's Diet Plan ( )
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WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?: (check all that apply)
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The Bomb ( ) Handguns ( ) All guns ( ) Nuclear Power ( )
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Cigarettes ( ) The NRA ( ) Republicans ( )
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WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE LEGALIZED?: (check all that apply)
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Crack ( ) Coke ( ) Grass ( ) Needles ( )
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Flag Burning ( )
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FAVORITE BEER:
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Samuel Adams ( ) Beck's ( ) Corona(w/lime) ( )
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Latest trendy brand ( )
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FAVORITE POLITICIAN:
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Ted Kennedy ( ) John Kennedy ( ) Bobby Kennedy ( ) Joe Kennedy
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( )
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CLUB MEMBERSHIPS:
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ACLU ( ) Greenpeace ( ) SDS ( ) N.O.W. ( ) A.F.S.C.M.E ( )
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Billy Bulger Breakfast Club ( ) Provincetown Boys Club ( )
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Bull-dykes Kennel Club ( )
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Even though we can't ever get any more power from Hydro-Quebec, don't you
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think that Seabrook should remain closed forever? YES ( )
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Don't you think that the people in the Midwest should stop dropping acid
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rain on our vacation homes in Vermont, even if it means that they all lose
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their jobs? YES ( )
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How many watts (per channel, RMS) is your principal home stereo?
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100W ( ) 200W ( ) More than that ( )
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How many air conditioners do you have to help you through our long New
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England summers?: 2 ( ) 3 ( ) 4 ( ) Central Air ( )
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(note: Fewer than two A/C units may qualify you for state
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subsidies if you are a non-white unemployed Democrat)
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FAVORITE TV SHOW: Thirtysomething ( )
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.
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