369 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
369 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
30
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/ Ctrl-S to Start/Stop Ctrl-X to exit/
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/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\
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| THE DEFINATE LAST WORD ON GEEKS |
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| BY |
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| - THAT MASTER OF MISINFORMATION |
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| DIAMOND DAVE LETTERMAN |
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|RIPCO 9.5 (312)777-7262 |
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|RIPCO (312)528-5020 |
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|TREASURE ISLAND (312)964-9517 |
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|AMERICAIN EAGLE AE/FUR (312)685-6718 |
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| --->36 MEGS<--- |
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\?/\?/\?/\?/\?/\?/\?/\?/\?/\?/\?/\?/\?/
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WELL EVERYONE HAS HAD SOMETHING TO OFF
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ER ON THAT SPECIES CALLED GEEK NOW ALMO
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ST EVERYONE KNOWS HOW TO FIND GEEKS AND
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LOOK INTO THEIR CRUDE HABITS , BUT WE ,
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AS DIGNIFIED PEOPLE WILL TAKE A SCIENTI
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FIC LOOK INTO THE WASTE OF OXYGEN KNOWN
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AS THE GEEK
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GEEK - COMES FROM THEIR GENUS (GEEKUS)
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ORIGINALLY CLASSIFIED BY THEIR FOUNDER
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IRVING T. TURDWELL , MR TURDWELL WAS
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THE FIRST GEEK BUT THIS IS UNVERIFIED B
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ECAUSE SOME CAVEMAN WRITINGS INDICATE T
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HAT THE FIRST BEHAVIORAL SIGNS OF GEEKS
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MIGHT HAVE COME ABOUT IN THE STONE AGE
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OK SO LETS TAKE A SCIENTIFIC LOOK INTO
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THIS DIMINUTIVE CREATURE CALLED THE GEE
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K
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KINGDOM->ANAMALIA
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PHYLUM->MAMALLIA
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CLASS->HUMUS
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ORDER->REJECTUS
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FAMILY->WASTUS OF OXYGENUS
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GENUS->GEEKUS
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SPECIES ->XXXX
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NOW WE WILL TAKE AN IN DEPTH LOOK INTO
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THE MANY TYPES OF GEEKS FOUND ALL OVER
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THIS WORLD
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GEEKUS COMMUNISTUS-> THIS GEEK IS FOUN
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D MOSTLY ABOARD NAVAL SHIPS IN SEEING H
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IS REJECTNESS AND THE FACT HE IS IGNORE
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D HE BECOMES A COMMUNIST SPY , THIS TYP
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E OF GEEK SHOULD BE ELIMINATED AND THE
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FACT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE IS THAT CIA
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BACKED SOLDIGERS ARE AT THIS MOMENT WAG
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ING WAR WITH THE GEEKS , GREATLY OUTNUM
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BERED THE GEEK TROOPS ATTACK IN A HIT A
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ND RUN METHOD ,USING THE NATURAL SCENER
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Y TO DISGUISE THEIR CAMOFLAGE GYM SHOES
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, CHESS CLUB SWEATERS AND OTHER ASSORTE
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D GEEK CLOTHING, THEY ATTACK IN FORCE P
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INNING DOWN THE CIA TROOPS WITH DART GU
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N FIRE, POISON PAPERCLIPS ,THEIR OWN SN
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OT AND ANY OTHER ASSORTED DEVICE THEY C
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AN CREATE USING THEIR MASSIVE KNOWLEGE
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OF ELECTRONICS , THE CIA TROOPS , ARMED
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WITH M-16S HOWEVER ARE COMING BACK AND
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PUSHING THE GEEKS INTO GUERILLA CAMPS ,
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THESE GEEK CAMPS KEEP THE GEEKS ROUNDED
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UP AND GIVE THEM ENOUGH LIGHTERS SO THE
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Y MAY LIGHT THEIR FARTS IN PEACE , THIS
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GEEK IS THE MOST DANGEROUS GEEK AUROUND
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BUT THEY ARE ELIMINATING THEMSELVES , T
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HE THING THATS DOING THIS IS WHAT THEY
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THOUGHT WAS THEIR PHRIEND , THEIR OWN M
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ODEMS , WHEN A GEEKUS COMMUNISTUS GETS
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HIS HANDS ON AN ANARCHY PHILE HE ATTEMP
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TS TO MAKE HIS OWN EXPLOSIVES IF HE IS
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NOT A GEEKUS COMUNISTUS HE BLOWS HIMSEL
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F UP!!
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TYPE II
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GEEKUS LIGHUS HIS FLATUS
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THE DIGNIFYING CHARACHTERISTIC OF THIS
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GEEK IS THE FLAT TO CREW CUT AND HIS BE
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HAVIOR OF ALWAYS SCRATCHING HIS ASS , H
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E DOES THIS BECAUSE HE TORCHED HIS ANUS
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BECAUSE HE LIGHTS HIS FARTS ALL THE TIM
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E , THIS GEEK USUALLY HAS ALOT OF EXPER
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IENCE IN CHEMISTRY BECAUSE HE KNOWS THA
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T SOME METHANE IS CONTAINED IN FARTS SE
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EING THE ADVANTAGE OF BEING THE "LIFE O
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F THE PARTY " HE BEGINS TO PRACTICE AND
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SOON IS LIGHTING FARTS ANYWHERE , AVOID
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THIS TYPE OF GEEK AND DO NOT ATTEMPT TO
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APREHEND THIS ONE DUE TO HIS HARMFUL
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WEAPON THAT MOTHER NATURE HAS GRANTED H
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IM
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TYPE III
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GEEKUS PERVERTUS
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THIS GEEK BEING THE INSECURE TYPE DECI
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DES TO ATTEMPT TO BECOME THE LIFE OF TH
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E PARTY BY SHOWING HOW MATURE HE IS BY
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TALKING OF SEX , THIS TYPE OF GEEK IS U
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SUALLY FOUND IN DUMPS LIKE MATURE BOOK
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STORES AND MANHIEM ROAD STRIP JOINTS (
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IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT MANHIEM ROAD IS J
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UST PICTURE YOUR LOCAL SLEEZY STRIP JOI
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NT , YOU'LL GET THE PICTURE) THIS GEEK
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IS A DEFINATE WASTE OF OXYGEN AND IS SI
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CK ALSO HE IS USUALLY SEEN WITH THE SLE
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EZ MAGAZINES DEPICTING 12 YEAR OLD GIRL
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S AND OTHER SLEAZY THINGS , DONT EVEN B
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OTHER TRYING TO ELIMINATE THIS GEEK , H
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E HAS CREATED HIS OWN PRISON , THE PRIS
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ON OF HIS MIND
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TYPE IV
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GEEKUS HOMO SEXUALITUS
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THIS GEEK IS GAY AVOID AT ALL COSTS IF
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SEEN DO NOT ATTEMPT TO APREHEND THIS BA
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BY JUST GIVE HIM A BURST OF UZI FIRE BE
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TWEEN THE LEGS THATLL PUNISH THIS GEEK
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FOR THE REST OF HIS MISERABLE LIFE
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TYPE V
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GEEKUS GEEKUS
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THIS IS THE STEREOTYPICAL GEEK EVERYON
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E THINKS OF WHEN THEY THINK GEEK , THIS
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GEEK WEARS SWEATERS ALL YEAR ROUND , DR
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IVES A MOPED (OR HONDA SCOOTER) , AND I
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S A DEFINATE ELECTRONIC GEEK (LIKE HE B
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UILT HIS OWN VAX) , THIS GEEK IS THE ON
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E MOSTLY FOUND ON BBSS ALL OVER THIS GR
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EAT LAND OF OURS , HE ENJOYS POSTING AN
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D WHEN HE SEES A "BITCH " BOARD THATS A
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LL IT TAKES HE MUST FIND A TARGET
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USUALLY HE WINDS UP TRYING TO DRUM
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UP ACTION BY POSTING SOMETHING TO THE E
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FFECT OF
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POSTED BY-->GEEKUS GEEKUS
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DATE POSTED-->06/17/85
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HEY ALL OF YOU GUYZ ARE ASSH0LEZ , Y D
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ONT YOU ALL DIE , I CHALLENGE YOU ALL T
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O BITCH AT ME
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SIGNED
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GEEKUS GEEKUS
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USUALLY AFTER THIS POST IF HE ISNT IG
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NORED OR BITCHED BACK AT , HE POSTS THE
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SAME MESSAGE AGAIN , AND AGAIN , BUT IF
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IT DOES GET RESPONSE (USUALLY THE WHOLE
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BOARD ATTACKS HIM) .HE MUST CONTINUE ,
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NO MATTER HOW MUCH THE BITCH BOARD BLAS
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TS HIM HE KEEPS GOING ON AND ON AND ON
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THE WAY THIS GEEK LOOKS LIKE IS
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IF YOUVE SEEN " WARGAMES " ( YOU SHOUL
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D HAVE OR YOU ARENT A COMPUTER OWNER)
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LOOK AT "MR. POTATO HEAD " THATS HIM
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IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT
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ILL TYPE THE SCENE
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THE CHARACHTERS ARE MR. POTATO HEAD, TH
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E HACKER, AND DAVE LIGHTMAN
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DAVE (HANDING PRINTOUT TO HACKER) HEY T
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AKE A LOOK AT THIS
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HACKER : YEA
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DAVE :WHAT IS THIS
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MR POTATO HEAD: (TAKING PRINTOUT FROM H
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ACKER) WHATS THIS?
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DAVE :MELVIN , I WANTED (FERGOT HIS NAM
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E) HACKER TO SEE THIS
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MR. POTATO HEAD : THIS IS DEFINATELY MI
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LITARY
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DAVE: BUT HOW CAN I GET IN THERE TO PLA
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Y THOS GAMES
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MR. POTATO HEAD : YOULL NEVER GET IN TH
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ERE THAT SYSTEM PROBABLY HAS THE CRYPTI
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C ALAGORYTHYM
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HACKER : YOU CAN GET IN THERE
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DAVE : HOW??
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HACKER : SEARCH FOR A BACKDOOW
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MR. POTATO HEAD: LOOK LOOK THAT GIRL IS
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OVER THERE (POINTS TO GIRL) AND YOUR TE
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LL HER OUR SECRETS LIKE BACKDOORS
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HACKER: MR. POTATO HEAD!!!! MR. POTAT
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O HEAD !! BACKDOORS ARE NOT SECRETS
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MELVIN : YEA BUT YOURE TELLIN HER ALL O
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UR NEAT TRICKS
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HACKER : THEYRE NOT TRICKS
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(^^^ GET THE PICTURE)
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THIS TYPE OF GEEK IS THE BIGGEST HAZAR
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D TO THE GREAT WORLD OF TELECOMMUNICATI
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ON AND REALLY SHOULD BE IGNORED
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MAYBE IN TIME THEYLL JUST GO AWAY
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TYPE VI
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GEEKUS 12 YEAR OLDUS
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THIS TYPE OF GEEK NEEDS NO DESCRIPTION
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I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT THIS ONE
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JUST ONE THING THIS TYPE OF GEEK USUAL
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LY IS SO SCARED THAT HE DOESNT EVEN POS
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T A MESSAGE BUT WILL ASK FOR PEOPLES PH
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ONE #S SO THEY CAN CALL THEM EVERY DAY
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AND ASK THEM TO 300 BAUD TIME ZONE TO T
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HEM , THIS GEEK POSTS FEEDBACK ASKING
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FOR PASSWORDS SAYING HE KNOWS PEOPLE
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THAT HES ONLY HEARD OF
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EXERPT
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FEEDBACK TO SYSOP
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30 LINES 39 CHARACHTERS
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/SE SAVES /EX EDITOR
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DEAR SYSOP
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THIS IS SUCH A K00L BORED I JEST
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LUV IT CAN I PLEEZE HAVE A PASSWURD
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I KNOW
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CHIEF SURGEON , APPLE BANDIT , MR. KRA
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CK MAN , KRACKOWICZ, DISK JOCKEY , THE
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WHIP , THE CLOAK , GAGETMASTER , COPY C
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ATTER , DIAMOND DAVE LETTERMAN , BILLY
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THE KID , BY-TOR , WAREMASTER .....
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I RUN MY OWN BORED IT HAS .5 MEGS OF G
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RATE ACTION IT IS AN ABBS IT IS REALLY
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K00L !!!! KALL IT THE # IZ
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212-555-5555
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PLEAZE KALL MR SYSOP U CAN BE UZER #2
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2
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BYE BYE
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THE 12 YEAR OLD GEEK
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---------------------------------------
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THIS GEEK HAS INVENTED GRATE (SORRY GE
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EK VIRUS ATTACK) WORDS LIKE
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K00L, <00L,KOOL,KooL kOOl , l8r,u,bore
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d , grate ,
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AND TYPICAL STUFF LIKE DAT <<- FORGOT
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THAT ONE
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THIS TYPICAL GEEK IS INSECURE AND STUP
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ID I DONT KNOW HOW THEY MAKE IT THROUGH
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PUBERTY TO MATURE INTO GEEKUS GEEKUS
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(^^ SEE ABOVE)
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I REALLY SHOULDNT CLASSIFY GEEKUS 12 Y
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EAR OLDUS IN A TYPE BY ITSELF DUE TO TH
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E FACE THE GEEKUS 12 YEAR OLDUS IS A
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GROWTH STAGE OF THE GEEKUS GEEKUS BUT
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I KNEW I'D WRITE SO MUCH ABOUT IT THAT
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IT EARNED ITS OWN SPECIES PRESENTATION
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TYPE VII
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GEEKUS NEO NAZIUS
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THIS GEEK WHO IS SICK OF BEING IGNORED
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ON BOARDS TURNS TO BEING A NEO NAZI AND
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BEING REALLY K00L BY CALLING PEOPLE JE
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W BOY ANYONE WHO BITCHES AT HIM HE CALL
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S THEM A JEW AINT HE KOOL???
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THERE ARE 2 TYPES OF GEEKUS NEO NAZIUS
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I) THE GEEKUS NEO NAZIUS REDNECKUS
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II) THE GEEKUS GEEKUS NEO NAZIUS
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I) THE GEEKUS NEO NAZIUS REDNECKUS
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THIS GEEKUS REALLY DOESNT WANT TO BE A
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GEEKUS NEO NAZIUS BUT HE IS FROM BUTFUC
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K GEORGIA AND BORN INTO IT , THOSE REDN
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ECKS GO TO BEING KLANSMEN LIKE FLIES T
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O SHIT(AND THATS MY OPINION ON WHAT THE
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Y ARE , SHIT EATING FLIES) NOW THIS TYP
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E OF GEEK IS ONE YOU ALMOST FEEL SORRY
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FOR, BUT NOT QUITE THIS GEEK IS A REAL
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IDIOT WHO LETS WHAT HIS MOONSHINE RIDDE
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N , FLY ATTRACTIN' FATHER SAYS GET IN H
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IS WAY OF HOW HE THINKS AND ACTS
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II) GEEKUS GEEKUS NEO NAZIUS
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THIS IS A MUTATED FORM OF THE GEEKUS N
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EO NAZIUS , IT OCCURS WHEN THE GEEKUS
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BARIN MUTATES (ILLUSTRATION)
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GEEKUS BRAIN (BEFORE)
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XXXXX
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XXX XXXX
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XXXXX XXX
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XXXX XX
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XXXXX XXX
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XXX # XXXX
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XXXXXX
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( TOP VIEW) (EXCUSE THE ARTWORK)
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( IT STARTED OUT AS A SIDE VIEW)
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NOTICE WHERE THE # IS THAT IS THE POIN
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T WHICH EFFECTS THE LOGICAL AND COOL TH
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INKING OF THE BRAIN NOTICE THE SMALL SI
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ZE OF IT IN SCALE TO THE BRAIN THAT IS
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ON WAY TO RECOGNIZE THE BRAIN
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AFTER
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XXX
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XXX XXX
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XXXX @@@ XXX
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XXX XXX
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XXXX
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NOTICE HOW THE BRAIN SHRINKS AND THE
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@@@ IS THE SPOT WHERE THE GEEKS ANTI-S
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EMETIC THOUGHTS COME FROM NOTICE HOW TH
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E GEEK HAS NO TRUE HATE FOR THE JEWS HE
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IS JUST USING THEM FOR AN EXCUSE TO GE
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T ATTENTION ON HIS HOME MADE MODEM
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OK WELL IVE EXAUSTED MY KNOWLEGE ON TH
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E GEEK RACE AND REMEMBER THE VII CLASSE
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S OF GEEKS , YOU MAY WANT TO KEEP NOTES
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IN YOUR CAR SO WHEN YOU SEE ON , IMMEDI
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ATELY YOU CAN CLASSIFY ONE
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(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
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(*) WELL BE SEEYIN' YA (*)
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(*) PROF. DIAMOND DAVE LETTERMAN (*)
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(*) FROM THE TURDWELL INSTITUTE FOR (*)
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(*) GEEKOLOGY (*)
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(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
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LOOK FOR HOME DEFENSE 101 FILE III
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COMING TO A BBS NEAR YOU
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(OUR GEEKOLOGY COMMERCIAL FOLLOWS)
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TO BE PLAYED DURING A BASEBALL GAME
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HI IM JODY DAVIS , THERE ISNT A CURE F
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OR GEEKISM YET BUT THANKS TO DAVE LETTE
|
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RMAN AND THE GANG AT THE TURDWELL INSTI
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TUTE A CURE MAY BE FOUND SEND YOUR TAX
|
||
DEDUCTABLE DONATION TO
|
||
TURDWELL INSTITUTE
|
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C/O DIAMOND DAVE LETTERMAN
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||
P.O. BOX 123123612
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BUTFUCK , ARKANSAS
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90230
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I THANK YOU , AND LITTLE JOHNNY THANKS
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YOU (HOLDING GEEK UP TO CAMERA , JOHNN
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Y THE LITTLE GEEK SAYS "DAAA!!!")
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TURD
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WELL
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WORKING FOR A CURE
|
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LATER
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BY THE WAY THIS ALL WAS MADE UP AND TY
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PED OUT AS I ARRIVED HOME FROM DRIVERS
|
||
ED ON THIS 06/17/85 TAKE CARE ALL
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||
|
||
BY THE WAY THANKS FOR READING THIS
|
||
,358 LINES OF TEXT AND
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10,660 CHARACHTERS
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[TMB] Which (1-81 ?,<CR>) |