94 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
94 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
Article 18143 of comp.sys.ibm.pc:
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Path: santra!tut!draken!kth!enea!mcvax!uunet!ncrlnk!ncrcae!hubcap!gatech!ncar!ames!pasteur!helios.ee.lbl.gov!ux1.lbl.gov!forrest
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From: forrest@ux1.lbl.gov (Jon Forrest)
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Newsgroups: comp.sys.ibm.pc
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Subject: Semi-Annual Posting of my Jerry Pournelle Spoof
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Message-ID: <1521@helios.ee.lbl.gov>
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Date: 21 Dec 88 01:22:25 GMT
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Sender: usenet@helios.ee.lbl.gov
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Organization: Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory, Berkeley
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Lines: 80
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I can't stand Jerry Pournelle. I really can't. A while ago I wrote
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the following in an attempt to make myself feel better. I've decided
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to post it every 6 months until Jerry stops writing "columns".
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---
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Computing at Anarchy Acres
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by
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Jerry Richdudley
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Well, here I am again sitting in front of my favorite computer,
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Alyuisious. Alyuisious is an S-100 based system running CP-M.
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It runs rings around all the competition. Next to Alyuisious
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lies Pantagruel, a real throughbread. Pantagruel doesn't run rings
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around anything except the closest fire hydrant. Pantagruel is
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my dog.
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Influencing People
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Alas, I just got a call from my good friend Mick Jagger, and then
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another from my good buddy Sister Teresa, and then another from my
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old pal Steve Jobs. You know, it's funny. I used to get calls from
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all these world famous celebrities to let me in on all the top
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gossip in the computer field. Now they call me up to make sure
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I haven't gone bananas. They say that anyone who gives names to all
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his computer toys is displaying schizo-nutso tendencies and should be
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closely watched.
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Wet Noodles
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But I digress. There's work to be done. I've received yet another
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version of Modula the other day and I've got to be able to say something
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witty, urbane, inconsequential, and probably wrong about it.
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Even if I can't think of anything I'll still say something about
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what an important, influential language Modula is. Gee, it's almost
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sold as well as UCSD Pascal. If only people would realize that my experience
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in writing programs that alphabetize the names of all my famous
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friends makes me an expert on programming languages then
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maybe people would go out and buy Modula. It's funny, the
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editors of Byte sure must have a low opinion of their readers
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since they actually let someone as unqualified as me write about
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things I know so little about. It's a good thing I've got
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my son, the college graduate, to act as my technical expert.
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Those people who think that it's a conflict of interest for me
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to promote products that the company he works for sells are just
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a bunch of Watergate-chasers.
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Major Malaise
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You're lucky I was able to send in my column this month. I almost
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couldn't because my trusty companion Lulu, the Laptop computer,
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broke down. I know for most of you when this happens you instantly
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start seeing dollar signs in front of your eyes because you know
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that getting your computer fixed is going to cost you bucks. Not me. No, Sir!
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I just call up the famous hardware or software designer that seems
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to be the best qualified to solve my problem. It doesn't matter
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that this person probably has better things to do than help a poor
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slob like me, but they know that having their name appear in my
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column will do wonders for their business. It never fails. By the
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way, don't believe the grumblers who say that having all this power
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makes my reviews a little skewed. You could probably get all your
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problems fixed too if you wrote a column in Byte.
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Le Petard
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Alas, that's all for this month. Next month I'll review MVS, that
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cute little operating system rumored to appear on IBM's newest
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PC, give you my impressions of every accounting package ever written,
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tell you how to write an ADA compiler in APL and a APL compiler
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in ADA, and maybe, if there's time, tell you about the great new
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science fiction book I've got planned.
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(Editor's Note: Jerry writes Science Fiction - literally)
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Jon Forrest Lawrence Berkeley Lab., 486-4991
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forrest@lbl.gov (internet)
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ucbvax!lbl-csam!ux1!forrest (uucp)
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FORREST@LBL (bitnet)
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