126 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
126 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
PADDING YOUR PAPERS
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This is a file about making typed and printed text appear much longer than it
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really is. I'm sick of writing these fucking introductory paragraphs, so I'l
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just do it really half assed. Don't do anything I describe here, don't read this
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file, don't do drugs, don't break the law, you know the deal.
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You can redistribute this text, but you have to leave this little diddly intact.
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Don't take credit for my work, and don't remove this heading. Thank you, come
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again.
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In this text I frequently use the words volume and mass. It's a lot like the
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scientific definition, in that mass is how many actual words you have and volume
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is how much space you take up. We're going for low mass, high volume products
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here. Oh, yeah. There's content. That's how much actual thought there is. High
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mass, high volume, low content is good, too.
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One more thing. As proof that this works, I padded this paper (first I made it
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double spaced and everything) and I added another page. that's 120% of the
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origional.
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So, teacher says you have to hand in a six page report, and your's is only two
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pages long. What do you do? Sure, you could hand in the report as it is, and
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accept the grade you earned, but that's the moral, wussy way of handling things.
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A real nihilist would utilize deciet and padding to turn his failure of a paper
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into something that will actually get a passing grade.
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Okay, first thing you shuld do is put your line spacing at double. This is a
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pretty standard thing to do, and if you forgot to include it, you add more
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volume to your paper. Also, is your font at 12 points? This, too is a pretty
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standard size, and if your below it, you could add more volume to your work. Do
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you double space after each period? Do so, and maybe you'll get another line.
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Just run a find and replace for ". " and trade it with ". " if you want to add
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spaces after periods. These and many other tricks may not do anything on your
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word proscessor, because many newer programs use automatic full justification,
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meaning that they will change the letter spacing to fill lines that aren't hard
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returned, so there are no unsightly breaks in your text. Any word proscessor
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worth it's salt lets you turn off this feature.
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Now that you've done everything your allowed to, it's time to break some rules.
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Margins are something that a lot of people overlook, and scooting them in a
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fourth of an inch can add lines to your paper. Be sure you do this before you
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write, because it will cause your lines to take on a strange and awkward format.
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This is caused when the automatic returns in your text are interpreted as hard
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returns. A higher quality word proscessor doesn't have this problem (I reccomend
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Word. The latest version is always best.)
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Oh, and before I forget, there's something you should know. Most peoples'
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printers are of a much higher resolution that their monitors, so a change in
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font size or line spacing that's too small to see on our screen will make a
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difference when printed.
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With that in mind, try changing your font size to 12.5 or 12.2, which may or may
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not show up on your screen. Some word proscessors, particularly those that suck,
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will only allow font sizes of integers, so that decimals won't work. If you've
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done every other trick in this text, then a font of 13 isn't a good idea,
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because it is incredibly obvious that your padding. Use your best judgement.
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If you have big words at the ends of your lines, try throwing a few extra spaces
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into the line to nudge them to the next line down. DO NOT put five of these
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extraenious spaces in. Remember what I said about double spacing? Try spacing at
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2.3 between your lines. This definatly helps. If you haven't raised your font
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yet, you should do so according to how much you fuck with the line spacing. 2.3
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is a little more that 110% of normal, so your font size should be around 12.2
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points, that way the proportions look natural.
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And while your raising the scale of everything, try 1.5 or 1.2 spacing between
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letters instead of just one. Now, If one were to implement the typing of
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extraeniously verbose language (big words) he'd benefit less from this technique
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than the guy who just uses one syllable words, and has more spaces per line.
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Well, that's about all the tricks I know that don't involve typing. If you have
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more, then drop me a line and let me know, and I'll put it in my next version of
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this text. But don't worry, kids, because there's more to come.
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All of these tricks involve manipulation of your writing, not your formatting,
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so that they will raise mass and volume, but you won't have to do anymore
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thinking than usual. These tricks must NOT be done on english teachers, because
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they all involve poor writing skills and organization, and english teachers will
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count against you severely for that. A chemistry teacher, a history teacher,
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whatever, will not count as much, and maybe not at all, leaving your grade only
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scratched. And, considering the shitty grade a half page report will give you, a
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scratch might not be at all bad.
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Straw men, baby, that's what it's all about. A straw man is a literary term
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used to describe an argument proposed simply to be knocked down. Now, why should
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you use straw men instead of writing? Because writing takes thought and energy,
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whereas straw men require only mindless typing. Did you catch that? I just used
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a straw man! I brought up writing your report when it wasn't necessary, and
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hence took up another line. A straw man is hardly a real thought, more like
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mindless rambling.
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Try being repeditive when you type, but do it smoothly. Don't re-propose an
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argument in different words, re-explain it in different words. For example;
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"Water can be very dangerous for many reasons. If, for instance, somebody were
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to breathe liquid water, they would immediatly die. That is why if you were to
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stick your head into an ocean, you would die, because when you took a breath it
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would kill you."
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If you feel like writing, and you feel like thinking, but don't wanna go to the
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library, or do any serious research, then you still have a chance to cheat a
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little. Just find one source, say. . . some guy's report on the dangers of
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breathing water. Your report needs to be three pages log, and his is two pages.
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No problem, you can pad what you can't write. If your like me, you can write a
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page from a paragraph, by voicing your opinionson the subject. Do your report
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based on this guy's thing, and then when your teacher asks for a bibliography,
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just copy down the bibliography for the report! Brilliant, huh? You could
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theoretically do this with an encyclopedia arcticle, but the encyclopedia's
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sources are really heavy, as in old documents, technical books, things that a
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highschool student would never use for research. I'm posting reports I've done
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and the years I did them on my page eventually (I don't have a URL as of yet)
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for you to download and cheat off of (or just plain steal.)
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That's it. If you wanna mail Suid, it's suid_lizard@yahoo.com
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If anyone contributed this text to a search engine, search for the following
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string to see if there are more of my files for you to find.
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"rhese589ndeeboiyzz6547fneerjabbler"
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