66 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
66 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
READER SURVEY
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Please record your responses to the questions below with pen-and-paper; then,
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enter our 'Send Us a Message' area to record your answers. Be sure to enter
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your name and address at the prompts in the message area. Thenk yew.
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INTRO TO THE SURVEY
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The National Satirist would like to know your true opinions about public
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opinion surveys. Please read the questions below and lie shamelessly to us.
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All responses will be kept; names will be nameless. If your religious
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convictions have ever gotten you thrown into jail, you must have found the holy
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gruel.
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1: Would you lie to a pollster? (Y or N)
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2: Would you lie to a gangster? (Y or N)
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3: Have you paid your public opinion poll tax? (Y or N)
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4: Do you believe a random survey of 1200 Americans will show results which
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reflect accurately the opinions of those who were surveyed? (Y or N)
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5: Fill in the blank: "If you ask what my annual income is, I'll give you a
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number within ------ percent of the actual amount."
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6: Write a short paragraph that describes what you think about what other
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people think about things pollsters ask. (25 words or less)
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7: If you are called on the phone and asked to take a few minutes to respond
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to a survey, what is your immediate reaction? (choose one of below)
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A: Hang up;
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B: It's a come-on to sell you something;
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C: Thrill down the spine;
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D: A and/or C;
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E: B and/or A and/or C;
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F: F
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8: How many polls could a good pollster poll if a good pollster could poll
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polls? (Enter a perfect square rounded to one decimal place)
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9: What is a polecat? (choose one of below)
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A: The opposite of a cat pole;
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B: A really hip Yuppie poll taker;
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C: Another word for 'nasty scum';
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D: All of below;
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E: All of above;
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F: F
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10: Was this survey a fair poll or a foul poll? (choose one of below)
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A: Fairly fair;
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B: Fairly foul;
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C: Full of fantastic fru-fru;
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D: A fairly foul fair poll;
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E: Same as the converse of D or A;
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F: F
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Thank you for taking our poll -- er, survey! Don't forget to get right over t
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our 'Send Us a Message' area to record your answers. Perhaps some lucky
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respondent will get something nice in the mail! Responses will be published
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after a whole lotta scientific mumbo jumbo.
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