72 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
72 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
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One point that might be overlooked on the two-hundredth anniversary of the
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Constitution is the technology of the time. 1787 State-of-the-art consisted
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of goose quill pens and parchment.
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Close your eyes and imagine how the constitution might have turned out if
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the Founding Fathers had the power of computers and word processing at their
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disposal...
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HAMILTON: Well, here it is, the finished constitution -- signed, sealed and
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ready to be delivered to the printers.
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MADISON: Not so fast, we have some changes in mind.
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HAMILTON: Changes? I painstakingly wrote every word by hand.
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FRANKLIN: No sweat, Al, we'll just pop it into ye ol' word processor,
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insert and delete a few phrases and it'll be ready to go -- a snap!
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HAMILTON: Do you think you're whipping up an omelet here? This is almost a
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sacred document you're talking about. Not a word can be tampered with.
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MADISON: Cool your jets, Al; no writer likes to be edited.
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WASHINGTON: Now let's see... "We the people of the United States, in order
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to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility,
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provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the
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blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity do ordain and establish
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this Constitution for the United States of America."
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MADISON: OK, a little work and we'll have this baby whipped into shape in a
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few minutes.
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HAMILTON: Whipped into shape? This is living history!
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WASHINGTON: First of all, it's much too long. Any English teacher will
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tell you to keep sentences short. This one-sentence preamble has 52 words,
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for God's sake!
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FRANKLIN: Yeah, let's see what we can chop.
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HAMILTON: Every word will be cherished by future generations.
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MADISON: Yeah, once we edit it. Now, take this "We the people" bit. Is it
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really necessary? I mean, what else could we be, giraffes?
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FRANKLIN: OK, I'll delete that part.
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HAMILTON: No!
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WASHINGTON: What about "in order to form a more perfect Union"? The Union
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is either perfect or it's NOT perfect. You can't be more or less perfect,
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any more than you can be more or less pregnant.
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MADISON: Well said! Get rid of that. Besides, if we want to make the Union
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more perfect, that's admitting it's not perfect already.
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FRANKLIN: Right. We can't have that.
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HAMILTON: You're destroying a masterwork!
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WASHINGTON: Mellow out, Ham. What about "Establish justice"?
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MADISON: We already have plenty of justice. Cut that part out.
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WASHINGTON: Insure domestic tranquility?
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FRANKLIN: The insurance companies will never go for that.
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MADISON: Right, trash it.
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WASHINGTON: Provide for the common defense...
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FRANKLIN: Personally, I'm against increasing the defense budget.
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WASHINGTON: OK, we'll talk about it later. Better leave it out for now.
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Promote the general welfare?
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MADISON: Are you kidding? Promote the welfare system? Over my dead body!
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I insist it be removed!
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WASHINGTON: Secure the blessings of liberty to our selves and our
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posterity? What does that mean?
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FRANKLIN: Beats me.
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MADISON: It just doesn't make sense. Hit the backspace key until it's gone.
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FRANKLIN: OK, what do we have left?
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WASHINGTON: Do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States
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of America.
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MADISON: Clumsy. How about: "Here's the Constitution"?
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FRANKLIN: I like it. Short. Sweet. Concise. To the Point. It works.
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WASHINGTON: I disagree. Look, do we really need a preamble to the
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Constitution at all? I mean, everybody will know the document is the
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Constitution. You don't have to tell them, "Here's the Constitution."
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MADISON: Yes, why hit them over the head with it? You don't want to insult
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your reader.
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FRANKLIN: Right. Cut out the preamble altogether. Nobody knows what a
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preamble is anyway. And a busy young nation has no time for wasted words.
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WASHINGTON: There, we got the preamble part out of the way easily enough.
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Finally, we're getting somewhere.
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MADISON: Now, about this Bill of Rights stuff.......
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