942 lines
21 KiB
Plaintext
942 lines
21 KiB
Plaintext
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= FAMOUS MURPHY'S LAWS AND OTHER APHORISMS =
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= This TEXT file was entirely typed by RENEGADE [RAF] =
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Nature sides with the hidden flaw.
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Ralph's Observation:
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It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object
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to realize that you are in a hurry.
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Cole's Law:
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Thinly sliced cabbage
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Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
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Firestone's Law of Forcasting:
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Chicken Little only has to be right once.
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Manly's Maxim:
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Logic is a systematic method of coming to
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the wrong conclusion with confidence.
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Moer's truism:
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The trouble with most jobs is the job holder's
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resemblence to being one of a sled dog team. No one
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gets a change of scenery except the lead dog.
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Cannon's Comment:
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If you tell the boss you were late for work because you
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had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
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MURPHY'S LAW:
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If anything can go wrong, it will.
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Murphy's Corollary:
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Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
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Murphy's Corollary:
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It is impossible to make anything foolproof
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because fools are so ingenious
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Murphy's Constant:
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Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
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Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law:
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Everything goes wrong all at once.
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O'Toole's Commentary:
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Murphy was an optimist.
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Scott's Second Law:
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When an error has been detected and corrected,
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it will be found to have been correct in the first place.
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Finagle's First Law:
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If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
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Finagle's Second Law:
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No matter what the experiment's result, there
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will always be someone eager to:
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(a) misinterpret it.
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(b) fake it.
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or
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(c) believe it supports his own pet theory.
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Finagle's Third Law:
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In any collection of data, the figure most obviously
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correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
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Finagle's Fourth Law:
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Once a job is fouled up, anything done to
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improve it only makes it worse.
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Gumperson's Law:
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The probability of anything happening is in
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inverse ratio to its desirability.
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Rudin's Law:
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In crises that force people to choose among
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alternative courses of action, most people will
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choose the worst one possible.
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Ginsberg's Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
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You can't win.
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You can't break even.
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You can't quit.
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Ehrman's Commentary
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Things will get worse before they will get better.
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Who said things would get better?
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Commoner's Second Law of Ecology:
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Nothing ever goes away.
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Howe's Law:
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Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
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Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics:
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Once you open a can of worms, the only way to
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recan them is to use a bigger can.
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Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations:
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Negative expectations yield negative results.
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Positive expectations yield negative results.
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Klipstein's Law:
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Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward
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maximum difficulty of assembly.
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Interchangeable parts won't.
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You never find a lost article until you replace it.
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Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness:
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The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely proportional
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to its actual usefulness once bought and paid for.
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Lewis' Law:
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No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've
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bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
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If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
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You get the most of what you need the least.
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The Airplane Law:
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When the plane you are on is late, the plane you
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want to transfer to is on time.
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Etorre's Observation:
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The other line moves faster.
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First Law of Revision:
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Information necessitiating a change of design will be
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conveyed to the designer after - and only after - the
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plans are complete.
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(Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law)
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Second Law of Revision:
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The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the
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further its influence will extend and the more plans
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will have to be redrawn.
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Corollary to the First Law of Revision:
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In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus
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one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong
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way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.
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LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
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I. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
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LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
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II. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
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LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
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III. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
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LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
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IV. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
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LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
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V. Any program will expand to fill available memory.
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LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
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VI. The value of a program is proportional to the weight
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of its output.
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LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
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VII. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities
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of the programmer who must maintain it.
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LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
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VIII. Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
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LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
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IX. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to
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detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
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LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
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X. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
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Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
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There's always one more bug.
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Shaw's Principle:
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Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool
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will want to use it.
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Law of the Perversity of Nature:
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You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of
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the bread to butter.
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Law of Selective Gravity:
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An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
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Jennings Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity:
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The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down
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is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.
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Wyszkowski's Second Law:
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Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
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Sattinger's Law
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It works better if you plug it in.
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Lowery's Law:
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If it jams - force it.
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If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
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Schmidt's Law:
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If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
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Anthony's Law of Force
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Don't force it - get a bigger hammer.
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Cahn's Axiom:
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When all else fails, read the instructions.
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Gordon's First Law:
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If a project is not worth doing at all,
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it's not worth doing well.
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Law of Research:
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Enough research will tend to support your theory.
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Maier's Law:
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If the facts do not conform to the theory,
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they must be disposed of.
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Peer's Law:
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The solution to the problem changes the problem.
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Beware of the man who works hard to learn something,
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learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is
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full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant
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without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
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- Bokonon
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Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
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remember you when he is in trouble again.
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You can lead a man to slaughter,
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but you can't make him think.
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Don't get mad, get even.
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Carson's Law:
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It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
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The Golden Rule:
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He who has the gold, makes the rules.
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Mark's mark:
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Love is a matter of chemistry;
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sex is a matter of physics.
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Korman's conclusion:
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The trouble with resisting temptation is it may
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never come your way again.
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Knight's Law:
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Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
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Maugham's Thought:
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Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
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Krueger's Observation:
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A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil
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service exam in order to work for the government.
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Benchley's Law of Distinction:
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There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe
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there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
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Harver's Law:
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A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
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Schmidt's Observation:
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All things being equal, a fat person uses
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more soap than a thin person.
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Gibb's Law:
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Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.
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Fools rush in where fools have been before.
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Rule of Accuracy:
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When working towards the solution of a problem, it always
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helps if you know the answer.
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Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
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Wyszowski's Law:
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No experiment is reproducible.
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Fett's Law:
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Never replicate a successful experiment.
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Brooke's Law:
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Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool
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discovers something which either abolishes the system or
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expands it beyond recognition.
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The first Myth of Management:
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It exists.
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Spend sufficient time confirming the need and
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the need will disappear.
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Peter's Placebo:
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An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
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Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour:
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People are always available for work in the past tense.
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Wiker's Law:
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Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
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Clarke's First Law:
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When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that
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something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he
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states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
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Clarke's Third Law:
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Any sufficiently advanced technology is
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indistinguishable from magic.
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Segal's Law:
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A man with a watch knows what time it is.
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A man with two watches is never sure.
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Weiler's Law:
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Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.
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Weinberg's Second Law:
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If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
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the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
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Hartley's Second Law:
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Never go to bed with anybody crazier than you are.
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Beckhap's Law:
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Beauty times brains equals a constant.
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Katz's Law:
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Men and women will act rationally when all other
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possibilities have been exhausted.
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Cole's Axiom:
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The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant;
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the population is growing.
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Vique's Law:
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A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
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Jone's Motto:
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Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
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Churchill's commentary on man:
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Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the
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time he will pick himself up and continue on.
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The ultimate Law:
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All general statements are false.
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The Unspeakable Law:
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As soon as you mention something;
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if it is good, it goes away.
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if it is bad, it happens.
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The Whispered Rule:
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People will believe anything if you whisper it.
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The First Law of Wing Walking:
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Never let hold of what you've got until
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you've got hold of something else.
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Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning
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and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
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Farnsdick's corollary:
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After things have gone from bad to worse,
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the cycle will repeat itself.
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Lynch's Law:
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When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
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Law of Revelation:
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The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
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Langsam's Law:
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Everything depends.
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Hellrung's Law:
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If you wait, it will go away.
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Shevelson's Extension:
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... having done its damage.
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Grelb's Addition:
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... if it was bad, it will be back.
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Grossman's Misquote:
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Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
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Ducharme's Precept:
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Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
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First Postulate of Isomurphism:
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Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
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The Unapplicable Law:
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Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
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Witten's Law:
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Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a
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need for them an hour later.
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Perkin's postulate:
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The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
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Harrison's Postulate:
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For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
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Conway's Law:
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In every organization there will always be one person
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who knows what is going on.
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This person must be fired.
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Stewart's Law of Retroaction:
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It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
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MacDonald's Second Law:
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Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for
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a number and give it back to them.
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First Law of Laboratory Work:
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Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
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Handy Guide to Modern Science:
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1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.
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2. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
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3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
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The Sausage Principle:
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People who love sausage and respect the law
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should never watch either one being made.
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Horngren's Observation: (generalized)
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The real world is a special case.
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Merkin's Maxim:
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When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
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Hawkin's Theory of Progress:
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Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that is wrong
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with one that is right. It consists of replacing a theory that is
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wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.
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Never attribute to malice that which is
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adequately explained by stupidity.
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Matz's warning:
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Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.
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Gold's Law:
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If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
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Lewis' Law:
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People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
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Law of Reruns:
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If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch
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it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
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Shirley's Law:
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Most people deserve each other.
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Forgive and remember.
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Woltman's Law:
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Never program and drink beer at the same time.
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Gallois' Revelation:
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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out
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but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a
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very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares
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to criticize it.
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Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom:
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Anyone who says he is not going to resign, four times, definitely will.
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Allen's Law:
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Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
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Allen's Axiom:
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When all else fails, follow instructions.
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Allen's Distinction:
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
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but the calf won't get much sleep.
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You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
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Avery's Observation:
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It does not matter if you fall down as long as you
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pick up something from the floor while you get up.
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Berra's Law:
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You can observe a lot just by watching.
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Bicycle Law:
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All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:
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A 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock.
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A 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock.
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A 50 pound bicycle doesn't need a lock.
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Cohen's Law:
|
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What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on
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the facts, not the facts themselves.
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Colson's Law:
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When you've got them by the balls, their hearts
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and minds will follow.
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Comin's Law:
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People will accept your idea much more readily if you
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tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
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Fourth Law of Thermodynamics:
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If the probability of success is not almost one,
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then it is damned near zero.
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Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
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1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
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2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
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Goldwyn's Law of Contracts.
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A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
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Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
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No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while
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the legislature is in session.
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Jone's Principle:
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Needs are a function of what other people have.
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Langin's Law:
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If things were left to chance,
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they'd be better.
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In America, it's not how much an item costs that matters,
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it's how much you save.
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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs,
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maybe you just don't understand the situation.
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Mencken's Metalaw:
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For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution;
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and it is always wrong.
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Sevareid's Law:
|
|
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
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Thoreau's Law:
|
|
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention
|
|
of doing you good, you should run for your life.
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Peer's Law:
|
|
The solution to the problem changes the problem.
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Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
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Lyall's Conjecture:
|
|
If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.
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Lyall's Fundamental Observation:
|
|
The most important leg of a three legged stool
|
|
is the one that's missing.
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Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules:
|
|
Everything costs more and takes longer.
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|
|
Klipstein's Lament:
|
|
All warranty and guarantee clauses are voided
|
|
by payment of the invoice.
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|
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Klipstein's Observation:
|
|
Any product cut to length will be too short.
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|
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Sueker's Note:
|
|
If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.
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|
Rosenfield's Regret:
|
|
The most delicate component will be dropped.
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|
de la Lastra's Law:
|
|
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed
|
|
from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong
|
|
access cover has been removed.
|
|
|
|
de la Lastra's Corollary:
|
|
After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws,
|
|
it will be discovered that the gasket has been ommitted.
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|
|
Design flaws travel in groups.
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|
|
You can't fight the law of conservation of energy
|
|
but you sure can bargain with it.
|
|
|
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|
|
Gerrold's Fundamental Truth:
|
|
It's a good thing money can't buy happiness.
|
|
We couldn't stand the commercials.
|
|
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|
|
Gerrold's Law:
|
|
A little ignorance can go a long way.
|
|
|
|
Lyall's Addendum:
|
|
... in the direction of maximum harm.
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|
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|
|
Gerrold's Pronouncement:
|
|
The difference between a politician and a snail is
|
|
that a snail leaves its slime behind.
|
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|
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|
|
When a man laughs at his misfortunes, he loses a great
|
|
many friends. They never forgive the loss of their perogative.
|
|
H. L. Mencken
|
|
|
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|
|
An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better
|
|
than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
|
|
H. L. Mencken
|
|
|
|
|
|
Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country,
|
|
it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it.
|
|
H. L. Menchen
|
|
|
|
|
|
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what
|
|
they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
|
|
H.L. Menchen
|
|
|
|
|
|
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
|
|
H. L. Menchen
|
|
|
|
|
|
Arcana Coelestica:
|
|
Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to
|
|
that obtained by Christ.
|
|
Puritanism - The haunting fear that someone, somewhere,
|
|
may be happy.
|
|
H. L. Menchen
|
|
|
|
|
|
Adultary is the application of democracy to love.
|
|
H. L. Menchen
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Arithmetic of Cooperation:
|
|
When you're adding up committees
|
|
there's a useful rule of thumb:
|
|
that talents make a difference,
|
|
and follies make a sum.
|
|
Piet Hein
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Ultimate Wisdom
|
|
Philosophers must ultimately find their true perfection
|
|
in knowing all the follies of mankind by introspection.
|
|
Piet Hein
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
3. Friendly fire ain't.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone
|
|
is an officer with a map.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
5. The problem with taking the easy way out is
|
|
that the enemy has already mined it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
6. The buddy system is essential to your survival;
|
|
it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
7. The further you are in advance of your own positions,
|
|
the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
8. Incoming fire has the right of way.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Miltary Laws:
|
|
12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used
|
|
on abandoned positions.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire
|
|
is incoming friendly fire.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
14. There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take
|
|
a shot at you, and miss.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
15. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire.
|
|
Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Murphy's Military Laws:
|
|
16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Conrad's Conundrum:
|
|
Technologie don't transfer.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit
|
|
the national debt.
|
|
Herbert Hoover
|
|
|
|
FINISHED. YOU CAN REACH ME AT :
|
|
FRENCH CHAT QSD
|
|
NUA 0208057040540
|
|
MAIL : RENEGADE [RAF]
|